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Baby Names
Coming to terms with a name I don't love
My husband lost his father, who he was very close to, as a teenager and I have known since we were first dating that he has always wanted to name his first son Paul after his beloved dad. This means a great deal to him and I have always known that it would be our son's name. I have to admit feeling some relief when we found out that our first child was a girl because deep down I hate the name Paul. Now, I am 28 weeks pregnant with our first son and while I am extremely excited about my son, I am having a very difficult time when people ask about the name and I felt like a horrible person realizing I was embarrassed and disappointed to see that his name was printed on the baby shower invitation. I just can't picture lovingly cooing the name Paul, which sounds like a boring old man at a sweet newborn. It's only gotten worse since people have started calling him Pauly which reminds me of both Pauly Shore and that guy DJ Pauly from Jersey Shore. Has anyone else had an experience like this? Did you eventually come to like or at least get used to a name you really didn't like? I love the middle name we've chosen but it would certainly hurt my husband if I called our son by it instead and I'm just not feeling any better about it as time passes. Am I crazy?
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Re: Coming to terms with a name I don't love
If you truly hate it, I would try to find a compromise. A middle name of Paul with a first name. I get that it means a lot to him to have his DS named after his dad, but you are the baby's mom and you should love the name you choose together.
You may meet your DS and he may just BE a Paul, so keep that in mind too. Children often grow into their names perfectly and once he's a year old, you may look back on this and think he's nothing but a Paul.
Paul is a nice name- it has a lot more references than Jersey Shore. I wouldn't have even thought of Jersey Shore. It actually makes me think of Pope John Paul.
Well, Paul was in our top 3 for boy's names so I can't really relate to this specific instance. Obviously, I really like the name. What about it says "old man" to you?
It sounds like you have agreed to it already, so I would work on forming positive associations.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_(name)
Paul is one of the most important people in the New Testament, if you are a Christian. There are many other famous Paul's who were awesome.
I felt this way about LO's name, but not to that extent that you're moaning and groaning about it. It was really important to DH to name her after his grandmother.
Turns out, I couldn't imagine her being named anything else and now I absolutely love it. Let it grow on you, keep and open mind. I think the name is excellent. It's absolutely normal and nice and I think you are crazy to only be able to think of Jersey Shore references and "old man name". He will stand out from the Jaydens and Aidens in his class and have a nice, classic name with a connection to his family.
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If you hate it THAT much, I really think you shouldn't have agreed to use it in the first place. I understand that losing his father was difficult, but it's not really fair to you to force you to use a name you hate. I think it would have been more appropriate to use it as a MN and find a FN that you both equally love.
Have you ever told your DH how you feel about it? I think there would have been a way to approach the subject tactfully, but by now I think it's too late. It wouldn't be right to let him think that was your son's name for years and then suddenly find out you want to change it at the last minute....so I don't know what you should do now. Learn to love the name, I guess.
I wouldn't let anyone call him Pauly though. A simple "we're not using a nickname, please call him Paul." will do.
Thank you for the links. It took us 13 cycles to conceive him so I love that his name comes from Saul meaning "prayed for"!
I think if people are calling him by a nn that you don't like you should just tell them! Just politely let pple know that you're calling him Paul, not Pauly and hopefully they'll take the hint.
I think Paul is a nice enough name but I think I'd be frustrated too if I didn't get a say. I can understand how you're feeling.
For the record, I hear Paul and think of The Beatles
It doesn't sound like you've talked to your DH about this. I would bring it up ASAP. Naming a child is a compromise. Maybe you guys could use Paul as the MN? I would hate for you to feel resentment towards your son over the name, and that's kind of the vibe I'm getting from your post.
Good luck, and go talk to DH!!
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This. I adore the name Paul.
Thank you. I really appreciate your positivity. These comments have been very helpful to me.
How do you know what your husband will say if you don't bring it up?
While there have been many references to the Bible with Paul, I'm sorry but like you, I still categorize it as an old man's name, like George or Stanley.
You cannot help how you feel, and to concede because you don't want to hurt your H's feelings isn't the way to go, IMHO. Have the discussion, even if it's uncomfortable. Put it out there, the things you have said here.
FWIW, using Paul as a middle name still gives honor to your FIL.
Talk to YH!
What are you thinking for a middle name? Could you use initials like if it were Paul James call him PJ?
I can sort of relate. I really want to use the name Grayson for a mn after my dad. DH hates it and will go with it if he gets to choose the first name, which he currently really likes Zane. I am having a hard time accepting Zane. While it is not too unique, it is just nms, and I cannot imagine having a child named Zane. Also, I do not think it makes a good sibset with our first son, Tyler. I guess it is a compromise though so while it is not set in stone yet, I am really trying to grow more accustom to it.
I think once you meet him he will be a Paul and you'll love it.
I do think it's a nice name and I'm kind of picky.
Sorry, I must have mixed up reply and quote. Someone said it sounded like I was becoming resentful of my son and I just hoped that my follow up comments had clarified that I am so grateful and excited for this child and his name is so low on my list of concerns but lately I can't shake the feeling that i just don't like it, shallow as it may be!
FWIW, I really like Grayson Zane. We chose Xavier for our middle name and our last name is a long, unwieldy ethnic (Thai) name so I know his name won't sound too boring even though Paul is kind of milquetoast. You said exactly how I feel though, I just can't imagine Paul being my child's name even though I think it's a perfectly fine name.
Thank you. That's sort of why I threw this to this board, because I know a lot of the active posters are sort of picky and very honest and I wanted to see if it was a bad name or just NMS.
Well, I don't love the name we've selected for our girl. It was definitely DH's choice and has had a lot of meaning to him for quite some time -- he tried to like other names and was just so enamored of this one that it was like torturing him to try to imagine anything else. So, I think I do know how you're feeling. For example, I started out feeling a little sad/embarrassed when I told people the name we've chosen. And, like Paul, the name we chose is a perfectly fine, acceptable name that lots of people love, so it's just my own personal roadblock. I'm trying to get over it by, as others have suggested, just getting lots of positive connotations down and calling her by the chosen name as much as possible when I talk to my tummy. By the time she is born, it will feel like her name and since I love her, I will love the name. That's my plan. So hang in there! Don't beat yourself up too much about it -- we'll be fine!
I also used it as a bargaining chip to *totally* get my way on the middle name, which was important to me.
Oh, and I agree that Pauly is horrible. You can and should put the kibosh on that!
I would politely just start telling people his name Paul and not Pauly. People for the most part won't call him by a NN that you or your H don't use.
FWIW, I really like the name
Xavier is another name on DH's list. It is one I actually like, but I think Grayson Xavier flows better than Xavier Grayson, but DH will never go with Grayson as a fn. Xavier is a great mn with Paul!
This.
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I guess I can't agree with most people. I think you should have just as much a say in your baby's name as your husband. Yes you agreed but what else could you have said? I would have felt very pressured at that point. You can be honest with him and let him know that you are no longer in agreement with the name Paul for a first name.
I wouldn't use a name I hated for my child. I just couldn't do it and I wouldn't expect my husband to do it either. (no matter what he had agreed to in the past) I respect that Paul is a name that does have many nice associations and it is a fine name but I hate it.
My husband's mother dies when he was young and we will be using her name as a middle name should we have a daughter.
EDIT I would do as others have suggested and try to stay open minded. Mention your feelings to your husband but stay open to possibly changing your mind. You might like he name better when you meet your son.
My mom is one of 7 kids and her dad's name was Paul. He unfortunately passed away when my mom was a toddler and my oldest uncle was a teenager. Now 6 of the 7 kids have used the name Paul. I'm the only Paula though. I never liked the name growing up because it didn't stand out. However, I've been going by my middle name, Grace, since I was 13. Now, my mom's the only one who calls me Paula.
My point is, even if you name your son Paul there's no guarantee that he will be called that forever. He may decide to go by his middle name, or he may make up his own nickname.
I love the name Paul and I definitely think Beatle over Jersey Shore.
You will love it once you meet him and you won't even be able to imagine him as anything else.
You can always give him a special mother/son nickname. Call him "P" until he's born, or P-Nut, or Pax (mixing in the Xavier). Ease yourself into it. But definitely discourage friends and family from calling him Pauly. I know several Pauls in real life and NONE of them go by Pauly, not even when they were little.
You aren't crazy or whining. I've been there and it is hard.
My eldest is named after my husband's late grandfather John called Jack. I agreed to it when we were still TTC, knowing how much it meant to my H to honor someone who played such a big role in his life.(How can you not agree to it and not come off like a complete ***?) But I wasn't really crazy about the name, and really disliked how popular Jack was becoming. (His grandfather actually went by Jackie not Jack but I did put my foot down over that!) Like you said, I couldn't imagine cooing 'John' at a baby.
Well, it was a boy and from the second we found out he was John to everyone on DH's side and it annoyed the crap out of me.
I don't know, it isn't that John or Jack is terrible and I did agree to it - it just sort of made me feel like it wasn't 'my' choice of what to name 'my' baby. It felt like the big decision of what to name my child was made for me. Plus, the way DH's family acted I felt like a gestational carrier for the next chapter in their family rather than creating my own. (There is a heck of a lot more than name issues going on there BTW) It wasn't so much about the name 'John' but they way I felt about feeling really pushed into it and missing out on the normal name decisions made by parents everywhere.
I sort of cringed every time I heard it and up until his birthday I fantasized about demanding DH change it in the middle of labor.
Well, Jack suits him perfectly. I can't imagine him having any other name and as I got to know him he became his own person rather than just a namesake and that made a huge difference. It is also nice to have a 'formal name' like John so when I yell it he knows I'm serious.
Whatever you decide to call him and introduce him as (Paul, Pauly or PJ etc.) is what most people will naturally call him.
(Although, our grandparents universally call my son 'Jackie'. It really doesn't bother him or me at all but ironically it drives DH crazy. I think that is just a throwback to their era when a man named John was called Jackie and it wasn't a girl's name.)
It really does make a huge difference when it is no longer a name but your son. As much as the feelings during pregnancy were hard to deal with, I have no regrets. Like a PP mentioned, it is also nice that in a class full of Aiden and Jaden and Chase he has a name that means something.
My son James was named after FIL.
I did not love the name (DH chose boy name I would choose girl name).
It grew on me.
Paul isn't a name I would pick BUT I wanted to say that I think what you're doing, allowing your husband to honor his dad this way, is wonderful. I get the whole argument of you should have a say in your child's name but clearly this means a lot to your husband. And, in the end, I'd rather have me not really love love love my child's name but being able to live with it understanding it's meaning, over my husband resenting me for not letting our son be named after his father.
And, like many have said, you may look at your son once he's born and not be able to imagine calling him anything put Paul. And, if not, you can always find a nickname that you like.
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My husband also lost his father as a teenager and was very insistent that our son be named after his father, David Williams (fn/mn) I didn't hate the name,but I was most definitely not in love with it. AND my son has three cousins and an uncle whose middle names are David! That just drove me crazy
However, I knew how important this was for my husband and since the name was not a horrible one, we named him David! (I did convince to change the middle name to something different, so we compromised on that front!) Naming a child is, I think, something you should decide on together, but for us I felt it was more important for my DH to honor his dad than for me to pick out the greatest name ever!
I had second thoughts (and threw out other suggestions) up until we filled out the birth certificate!
Now that MY little David is here; he has a strong name and a strong heritage to go with it! And I am very happy that we did name him after his grandfather. I love that his name has a personal connection and someday my DH can tell my DS about why we named him David.
Don't feel bad about questioning it though!