Wwyd?
I've posted here once before but a little background- DH and I have had sk's (7 and 10) since this past August (BM just dropped them and all their belongings from her house in our front yard when she met new bf) and got legal custody in nov. She has started having regular visitation since jan (EOW and 2 hrs wed when she wants to show up) and it's been painful to hear the stories the kids come home with sometimes. But things seem to be getting worse and DH and i are worried about the kids overall wellbeing.
Her last weekend visit consisted of her flipping out through text for 6 straight hrs on DH about things that didn't make sense and i ended up having to pick kids up in the middle of the night because 'mommy had to go to the hospital because she kept throwing up but hadn't eaten since she picked us up'. DH and I assumed it was alcohol poisoning due to her track record. FF to last night I got a call from sd saying I had to go pick them up because BM live-in bf just got arrested for 'speeding' and mommy needs to go to the impound at 9pm to get her ATM card. What!? Did not make any sense so I had DH call BM to find out what The he!! was going on and she just started screaming at him that it is none of his business. I have my BIL, who is a police officer in the next town, looking into what this moron really got arrested for and to make sure the kids were not in the car when the police made the stop. But we are assuming it was drunk driving.
We are so sick of these kids having to deal with such emotional drama every weekend, never mind the fact of the physical dangers they may be subjected to. So my question is: do we go back to court immediately and ask for supervised visitation or something? We try so hard to keep a relationship going between BM and SKs and they love their mom dearly, but when do we say enough is enough?! It seems like the emotional toll on them dealing with all this insanity may outbalance their need to see her as often as they'd like.
Re: Wwyd?
sounds like BM is a piece of work, but are the kids in actual danger? (you don't know that the BF was arrested for drunk driving or that the kids were in the car)
yes it's an unfortunate situation, perhaps your DH could suggest that the kids don't do overnights? (since all of these things happen at late hours)
have a talk with the kids. make sure they are comfortable and feel safe when with BM, and see if they would feel more comfortable just sleeping with you and DH
Since the kids aren't (that you know of) in DIRECT danger or harm then BM will probably fight you on the supervised visitation. maybe she just can't handle them for an entire weekend. let her have them all day sat and all day sun but you guys do overnights....?
I would say now enough is enough. I understand the feeling of wanting the kids to have a loving and attentive mom. But she isn't that. Your husband is doing them more harm by not taking this to the court.
This situation sounds so similar with two kids that my son is friends with.
Absolutely, positively you go back to court and restrict her visitation. Do not wait. Call your lawyer Tuesday AM and start the process.
If you are not documenting and saving texts and voice messages - start now.
You need to do everything in their power to protect these children from people like this - and that includes her.
Depending on the children's behavior - consider counseling for them to help them work thru this difficult time. I would also make sure you do all you can to make your home as much of a safe, protective, quiet haven for them. Not that I don't think you aren't already - I am sure you are, but it's critically important that they have a safe home and refuge from her and her behavior.
Yes the 10 yr old is actually starting counseling next week. DH and I try and shelter them both as best as we can and try our hardest to let them just be kids but it's hard when they have their mom talking down about us, showing them court paperwork, and having them sign things that she writes out so she can take DH back for custody (which will never happen because even the judge clearly thinks she's a joke and she has not paid any of her CS). I just keep telling them I love them and am here if they need to talk but its hard to respond the right way when they say things about BM. I dont want to make things into a bigger deal to them, yet i want them to know that im listening and care about what they have to say. Which is y a 3rd party will probably be best for her (10 yr old)
DH is going to talk to BM about us picking them up at night on her weekends and bringing them back in the morning cuz, yes, it does seem that the drama normally happens at night after they have been drinking throughout the day. She probably won't go for it, but it's worth a shot instead of heading back to court AGAIN. Just kills me that they have to go through this and that such a selfish woman had to be the one tha gave birth to them.
This, I would get in touch with your lawyer asap. Good luck!!