In memory of our babies.....

FmrAFBrat

Kinda hard with the Memorial Day weekend & knowing that I should have been planning a 1st birthday party right about now instead of being the momma of a little guy who just got his first teeth last month. Don't get me wrong I love my little man....I just will always wonder what could have been & I would have experienced pregnancy & motherhood in a diff way. A happier way.

One thing that has always bothered me was that since my loss wasn't a stillbirth or a miscarriage...the hospital never really acknowledged my loss even though I was there 3 nights.  I really want to start a group (with diff subgroups) of ladies who have experienced a loss here locally & maybe we can do something for people who are stuck in the hospital under such terrible circumstances. Like flowers, card, or giftbasket....not there to see or bother anyone.  I would have loved the the words "I am sorry for your loss". My doctor at the time didn't even said that.  Let me know what you think.

jent87

I think most doctors dont get how u feel and whats going on inside they r just there to do their job and get home to see their familys. About a year ago i found out i was pregnant my husband and i were so happy because we tried so hard to have a baby for 5 years then we got good news. I quit my job to take it ez and less stressful on me and the baby to be. A few days before my first doctors appointment i had bad pain on my right side and i couldnt go to the bathroom i thought for a few days it was normal so i didnt say anything until the pain got really bad. After i tried to go to the bathroom and pushed i know i had to say something to my husband. We went to the local hospital in the town we lived in i told the ladys what was going on and they took my right back. they made me take 4 pregnacy test and they took 10 things of blood they gave me pain meds and told me to go to sleep because it would be awhile. i got to the hospital at 12pm they took me down for a ultrasound around 4am. The lady said she couldnt say much but it looked like i had fluid on my pelvis and i had a 3 cm cyst on my left ovary but the doc would look at it and tell me what was going on but there was not pregnacey in my uterus. I went back down to my ER room an hour later the doc came in and told me there was no baby and that i would have to have a DNC and a hysteroscopy. They also said that my hcg leves was reading that i was 2 almost 3 months pregnant and they didnt know y also my blood presure was down. I made an appointment to have them 2 thing s done. The day came and went they gave me 2 Methotrexate shots. the doc told me she didnt find anything and i was all good to go home the shot would bring my hcg levels down and id be ok. A week to the day i went back to the hospital complaning of the same pain but it was much worse. they took me back thank god they same ER doc was there so he knew what was going on. This time i was sent down for an internal ultrasound it was the same thing as the other lady but she ran out of the room and got someone they steped away then came back and took me right to the ER and told me my ob was on her way. my husband told me that he heard the docs talking about surgery and blood trans he was sure they were taking about me. This whole time i was at the hospital none of the hospital staff seemed to care about my problem. At one time the ER doc told my husband if i acted like i was in more pain then they would put me first and theyd get in and out of there. My blood presure was still very low but it was time to get my vitals were they layed me down sat me up then stood me up i told the lady im fine with u laying me down but please dont sit me up or stand me up i might pass out she said im sorry this is my job i have to sit and stand u up for 3 mintues we went back and forth about it she said u can do it im here if something happens i said ok then as i sat up i told her no way r u standing me up i feel like im going to pass out. She didnt listen as i stood up i blacked out thankfully my husband was standing on the other side of the bed because i fell and alomst fliped over the bed he grabed me just in time before i hit the floor then my husband yelled at the nurse and said when a patient tells u please dont stand me up u should listen to them. She told my husband she was doing her job and if he didnt like it he could take me some were else. My blood presure was 70 over 32. I woke up with 10 people standing over me 1 person was putting oxygen and another putting IVs in me the ER doc shining a light in my eyes and telling me Jennifer please stay with us. I remember seeing my husband on the phone crying. As i was coming to they were asking me what my name was and how old i was and if i knew what was going on. Before i could tell them anything a bag of blood was brought in and the ER doc was squeezing in it to my body while they ran me down to the O.R. My husband was walking behind us but he couldnt take the same elevator so he had to walk back down to the otherside to get the other elevator. He said as he walked by the nurse station he hear the staff talking about us and that they were happy that i was bing taken up to the O.R. and off there floor because we were a big problem. While i was in sugery they gave me 1 more blood trans they also found out that i was eptopic pregancy in my left falopian tube which they had to remove because it ruptured and i was bleeding internally. I had 1 liter of blood sitting on my pelvis. wich is why i had to have to blood trans and i had low blood presure. now i have 3 marks on my belly from this 1 on each hip and 1 in my belly button this was so painful i would never want this to happen to anyone. My OBGYN came to see me after i came to and she said well u have no baby and we had to remove ur left tube u still have both of ur ovarys and ur right tube but u r uterus is not full size and ur left tube was just floating there not hooked to nothing. My OBGYN also told men she had taken care of women just like me but the only reason they found women like me was because they had to have a c-section and the found the uterus was not normal but they did have healthy pregnacys and babys. I told my doc i wanted to meet a women like me to ask her some questions. The OBGYN told me i would have to go on to youtube to find women like me after she had said she knew and took care of women like me. I felt like i was bing lied to by my own Doctor. Before we left the hospital i was changing into my clothes i seen a bruise on my right side they looked really bad. i didnt think anything of it and just went home. After a day or so the bruise got bigger and darker. At first i thought maybe they dropped me while they were putting me one the table but i also thought that i would hurt more then i did it that happened. After a week the bruise got bigger and darker it was so black and purple and heavy it started to make me think i was still bleeding. So i went back to my OB and showed her the big bruise it went from my knee to my arm pit but wasnt on my back or belly just my side she said it happens not to worrie or stress ill be fine. after a few day i went to a sugen for a second look. As soon as i showed him he was like O.M.G. i never see anything that bad. I told him what i thought happened he said no if that happened u wouldnt have been this bruise that bad. He went on to tell me my the looks of it they him a major artery in ur side and ur lucky u didnt die after all that has happened he told me God must love u and he needs u here. The sugen told me i needed to look in to taking legal action for all the went down. I told my mom who is a nurse and my step dad thats an MD they said because i didnt die or nothing long term was wrong so they did everything that was done right on their end. About a month later i was all heeled up the doc told me id be anemic for a short time and to watch my blood persure if i start to feel sick or weak then do the the doctor. The bruise hung around for a while and slowly went way. 2 months later i started to feel sick and weak so i went back to the doctors to see what else was wrong. They took blood and told me to sit and wait for the labs. One of the lab techs came out and said they r sending u up to the obgyns office to get looked at. i had to take a pregnacy test and they took more blood and gave me an ultra sound. The new ob turned the sound on and we heard a heartbeat my husband looked at me and said do u hear ur heart it sounds good the ob looked at him and said thats not her heart thats ur babys heart beat u r hearing he went on to say i hear u have had some tuff few months and im very sorry to hear all that but we r having a baby and its healthy as can be and so r u. He also said because of what happened i was high risk so not much activity and no work for 9 months or more. My old OB told me if i were to get pregnant that my baby would have something majorly wrong with him or he and i wouldnt carrie to full trem that id have my baby at 6-7 months. My new OB said well we wont we worried about weight for the baby just look at how big she is getting. Around the 3 or 4th visti the OB told me i could do somethings just no running or heavy lifting. By the 5th month i was getting ready for my baby to come when i went to the doctors he said i have a few more months and i told him i was feeling normal and really good. my pregnacy was normal and i had a due date of april 22. On April 2nd at 2:35 am my water broke but i didnt know it because it was a streem not a river. My big brother was down in Kentucky with us and wanted to go home that weekend. So i thought i made the trip a week before so i can do it again. We started our 5 hour trip to michigan my husband stoped evry 30 mins so i could get out and walk i was uncomforable but nothing like they told me. We got to my dads house around 8pm. I said i had to use the bathroom and we could get back on the road. i spent 20 mins in the bathroom my husband asked if i was ok i told him i think we r going to have to go home to Ky or go to the hospital. We all picked the hospital as we got there they asked me how long i was n labor i told them water broke i think around 2-3am but i didnt have no pain. they rushed me up to the birthing floor they all started taking my clothes off me and asking both my husband and i questions about hte baby and our trip. they checked me and said well ur 8cm so we will have this baby tonite. everything turned out good and they asked me if i wanted the epadural i told them yes. before i got it they came in and said ur past the bad part u dont need it it will just slow ur labor and delievery down. I took it anyways they said if i would have never taken it then i would have had my baby at 9:30 pm on the 2nd. To get my labor started again they gave me 2 shots of pitosin. i was so relaxed that they were telling me to be in pain they said they wished every person was like me because i wasnt screaming or yelling i was just cool calim and collected. i was even joking and playing around. i told them i feel like i got to push about 5 pushes later my Lil girl came into this world Aubrey nichole 12:26 am 4-3-11. 3 weeks from my due date. now she is a happy healthy 15month old. I look back at what happened how the doctors we rude and misleading and how they said bad things would happen to my baby and i. It was a long sometimes joyful and sometimes not joyful time for my family and i. Now when i go to the doctors i dont believe everything they say but i know we r all human but doctors should care more about u and ur feeling not just act as if u r wasting their time. But miracles can happen just fight for what u want and dont alway just settle for the first opinion u get because something else could come of it.

FmrAFBrat

((HUGS)) I went through a very similar thing with my ectopic.  I was even brused black like you were & was told in a follow up appt that I had DIC (a blood clotting disorder) that caused the bleeding. I found out when I had my son nothing was wrong with me-they probably nicked me during surgery.  I had pain for about 8 weeks after the surgery (my old doctors office could never get me in for the pain bc I wasn't pregnant at the time or a priority patient). I even thought I had gotten pregnant again because pregnancy tests were coming up positive. My old practice saw me after the positive test & even said I was pregnant again & having another ectopic. I went for a second opinion at that time bc they wanted to give me methotrexate without doing an ultrasound. They also said there was a good chance I would never have a normal pregnancy.

I found out from my current doctor.... They left tissue in my UTERUS & I wasn't pregnant at that time-it was left from the surgery.  How it got there I'll never know & I'll never know if I lost 1 or 2 babies.  My current doctor wasn't sure what exactly happened he said it was either twins (explaining my high betas in the ER) or tissue fell in my uterus from the surgery.  All I know for sure was of the baby that ruptured my right tube & it could have been prevented if my old drs office would have let me have an appt when I was having pain.  Instead they told me they couldn't see me until 8-10 weeks so I went to the ER, had a methotrexate shot, & surgery all within 18 hours.

What practice did you deal with for your ectopic?  I was curious if we went to the same place.