Surprise twins at 20 weeks

shaunah816

Hi ladies,

I'm brand new to this board. I've been posting in October 2012 since I found out I was pregnant in February. I didn't have a dating ultrasound because I knew my LMP and my midwife didn't see it as medically necessary, so I had my first ultrasound yesterday at 19 weeks, 6 days and we found twin boys. To say I'm shell shocked is an understatement.

I've been growing and gaining weight normally for a woman pregnant with one (popped last week, have gained 4-5 lb), and while I've been sicker than the average pregnant woman (nausea until almost 15 weeks, slightly low iron with some fainting and general uncomfortableness), I wasn't sick enough to raise any red flags of multiples. I have a strong family history of multiples in my family, and my husband's father is a fraternal twin, so I knew we had a chance but figured it was nothing to worry about. Ha!

Today I'm just trying to process. I feel so guilty for saying this, but I'm having a hard time feeling happy about this development. My husband is ecstatic, and I know I'll get there, but right now all I can think about is all the changes this means (financial, lifestyle, sanity) and it feels insurmountable. I struggled for 18 months to get pregnant, so I'm being especially hard on myself because of how much I longed to be a mother and now I am...but to two instead of one.

I know a lot of this will pass in the next few days, but for now I'm just looking for other moms of multiples to tell me everything is going to be OK, and to share some advice. This is my first pregnancy and our first child(ren), so I'm just really bowled over. 

SpinningJess

Sickness, beta levels, etc. are never an indicator of how many babies you may have.  So unless you happened to be growing at warp speed (I did, but not all do!) you probably wouldn't have known anyway.  It can be a hard pill to swallow, but hey - you made it halfway through the pregnancy without a lot of the worries some people go through!!  Ignorance is bliss as they say LOL 

Give yourself time to process this news, it's a huge shock for sure.  YH isn't the one carrying twins, and from here on out this pregnancy will be much different than a single gestation would be.  Don't feel bad that you aren't elated yet.  It takes time, and eventually you'll get there.  Congrats on your boys

ShopperKristi

Congratulations and welcome!  That would definitely be quite a shock at 20 weeks!  We went between excited and nervous about a million times (still do!) so you'll probably have quite the roller coaster of emotions for a while and that's ok! 

LadyNikon

I found out pretty early we are having twins.  I was in total shock.  It is normal.  Since then I have let the fears of everything (extra stress, can we afford it, blah blah) have died down and now I am totally happy and excited.  You will be ok .

bethCT

WOW!  Anatomy scans are always a big deal but yours takes the cake!  Congratulations!

Don't be  hard on yourself, there are days where I am depressed/guilty/etc about having twins.  Give yourself time, a lot of time!  It is funny really, when I found out it was more than 1 (I went to the doctor for bleeding and he actually saw 3 sacs), I nearly fainted.  Finding out that you are having twins is when you really need a big glass of wine - oh the irony! 

shaunah816

Thanks for the kind words and support, ladies. It really helps I'm getting there, it's just going to take some time. I like the idea that I'm lucky to have made it to 20 weeks without all the worries and complications. That's a good way of looking at it! I'm just thankful the babies are healthy and at perfect weights, even though I haven't been eating for three! This is a blessing, I just need to come to terms with it

megs2011

Congrats and welcome. I found out at 10 weeks I was carrying twins and it was (heck still is) a shock. I can't imagine finding out half way through. I have days where I am excited and days where I am kind of depressed but I think it comes with the territory. It's not something you expect. We have twins on both sides and knew there was a chance but never thought it would happen to us. You will get excited about it

kiwi443

I found at 20 weeks as well. I'm not sure the shock has completely worn off. It's okay to not be ecstatic. It's not the pregnancy you were planning on and having multiples is a whole different ballgame than a singleton. I cried a lot during my pregnancy. However, now, I can honestly say that I feel so blessed to have both of these babies in my life.

BananaPancake

Congrats!! How excited! (And trust me, it WILL be exciting in another few weeks!) It's a huge shock. I begged God for twins, even with three little ones already here, and I was still completely shocked and rode a big wave of emotion for several weeks. I am finally starting to settle down and really get excited, but there are still moments when I think, "This is totally insane." We have a beautiful and crazy story behind our two, and when I think about that I know that it's completely fate that they're here, but it's STILL just mind-blowing.

shaunah816

You guys are awesome, thank you I was secretly worried I would get flamed for feeling mixed, but it sounds like this is a very common reaction initially. My uncles are twins (they were born fraternal triplets, actually, but one didn't make it much past birth), and I know they're going to be so excited to have another set of twin boys in the family. Plus, picking out names for two feels much easier, because my husband and I both can get what we want So, I'm trying to focus on the positives for now until my emotions catch up.

Temp123197812503460

Like others said, it's very normal! And it's also normal even after they are here to sometimes mourn the loss of the singleton experience.Congrats!

Temp6313048411121614

You will get excited about it, it may take until delivery but it will happen.  I was taking Clomid so I knew there was a chance, but I really didn't think we would be in the minority and end up with more than 1.  The first few weeks I was really upset about it.  I struggled with my excitement my entire pg (and I found out at 6w).  I also felt horrible about it and put on a happy face for most people.  Whether you're excited or not, no matter what anyone else (who's not in your shoes) tells you, it's ok to feel however you feel.  I don't think there's anyone here that after theirs were born wished that one wouldn't have been here, but we've all had mixed emotions during pg.  Most people don't mentally prepare for twins, you've had 1/2 pregnancy to think of adding 1 baby, now everything you planned will change and you'll have 2.  I promise, we've all felt differently, we all love our kids with everything we have, and while it's difficult (especially the first few months) they're absolutely incredible.  Welcome and congratulations!

projectbaby2012

Congratulations on two healthy babies!

Don't be too hard on yourself.  It's big news to get and takes a while to process. Planning for 2 babies isn't the same as planning for 1.   When the ultrasound tech told us "and there's the other one" it took us about 2 weeks to go from complete shock to pure excitement.  There are still times when I feel overwhelmed wondering how we will manage, but the thoughts of 2 happy babies usually eases these feelings. 

Long=journey

It takes many twin Moms a while to adjust to the shock.  You'll get there in a few weeks, I'm sure.  Congrats!

RobinR91

I shouldn't even admit this, but maybe it will make you feel better about your less than elated feelings. We struggled with IF for almost two years. My BFP beta was high, but I was holding out happiness for the 6 wk ultrasound my RE does. While there, they saw three----THREE---heartbeats. We transferred one embryo. I listened well, didn't say much. RE left and I straight up lost my sh!t. Ugly cry on the table, DH could consol me, I didn't care who heard. When I had to leave that room it was so obvious--I got pity looks from EVERYONE. 

MY feelings passed, and after weeks of taking it in I'm looking forward to adjusting my expectations. Don't feel bad if you aren't happy right now, we all went through that. Best wishes, and welcome!  

shaunah816

RobinR91:

I shouldn't even admit this, but maybe it will make you feel better about your less than elated feelings. We struggled with IF for almost two years. My BFP beta was high, but I was holding out happiness for the 6 wk ultrasound my RE does. While there, they saw three----THREE---heartbeats. We transferred one embryo. I listened well, didn't say much. RE left and I straight up lost my sh!t. Ugly cry on the table, DH could consol me, I didn't care who heard. When I had to leave that room it was so obvious--I got pity looks from EVERYONE. 

MY feelings passed, and after weeks of taking it in I'm looking forward to adjusting my expectations. Don't feel bad if you aren't happy right now, we all went through that. Best wishes, and welcome!  

 Thank you for sharing your story. When the ultrasound tech told us (and...there's another baby!) my husband, bless his heart, lit up like a Christmas tree and said "that's AWESOME!" I burst into tears. I later had to ask the tech to stop for a few minutes because I was about to pass out. So I'm glad I'm not the only one to have an ugly moment on the ultrasound chair! 

AmyJoy728

I I found out early so I spent until 20 wks worried about m/c or vanishing twin syndrome. I was more worried about physically and emotionally carrying, delivering and raising two then being upset about it. Its still unreal but every u/s will make you love them more and meeting them is amazing.

acb+4

Congratulations!!   I found out about our twins at 18wks, so I know how you feel.  I am still in that anxiety stage myself--I know that I will feel better as the weeks go by, but right now I'm more nervous than excited. 

jimmie48fan

Congratulations!  I have know for the past 4 weeks that we are expecting twins and I am still in shock and somewhat terrified of how our lives are going to change.  We already have a son who is so amazing.  Both my husband and I are having a hard time swallowing this pill.  At least your husband is ecstatic and can get you on the happy side soon.  

Good Luck.

Robin 

Switzerland87

First off, congratulations!

Second, don't feel at all bad about not being happy right away. It's huge shock to be told there's two in there because, frankly, it's not normal! And, especially having gone halfway through your pregnancy not having that information, you simply weren't mentally prepared. Give it some time, and you'll start to feel that excitement. There will always be an element of fear, but the excitement will eventually outweigh it! I know, for me, hanging around this board for a few days helped me get from panicked to excited, because I was able to see that all these other people were in the same boat as me, and were just fine. I was able to see all the beautiful multiples, hear stories, and gain wisdom from all the MoMs that have gone before me! 

Other than telling you that this board is probably the best source of advice and support I've found for MoMs, I think the best advice for you is to stay away from Dr.Google (you'll only end up completely freaked out), and listen to your doctors and their orders!  

katiej414

Hey lady!  Congrats!  We just got surprised last week at our 18 wk u/s with twin boys.  No twins in either family, skipped the early u/s, and only morning sickness for symptoms.  I was a wreck in the u/s chair while my husband was glowing and ooh-ing and ahh-ing.  And I'm still very much in shock, and can't imagine it will pass soon.  Maybe when they actually arrive

I can totally empathize with not feeling instantly happy about all of this.  We have a 2 year old daughter who is totally insane right now, and thinking about wrangling her and keeping twins alive and happy is making my head spin!  Not to mention worrying about sleep, money, a bigger house, whatever, times two.  I'm right there with you!

brookith

Congratulations! We found out about our ID boys at 19 weeks so I can totally relate to your shock and overwhelming emotions! I cried and laughed for about 10 minutes after the tech told us because I did not know what to do with the news. It took me a good 2 weeks to get over the initial shock. I am 30 weeks now, and I can say the shock wears off but has truly never gone away. There are still days my husband and I look at each other and just laugh about having twins because we know it will be quite an experience. It is exciting and scary all at once. Everyone I have talked to that has twins says it is the most amazing experience, so I can't wait to meet my boys. Hope you are feeling well...and congrats again! 

Saw you live in NC, we are in Charlotte NC. Too hot already!! 

Kristi1971

I was barely sick at all..just like maybe 4 days total...and not really sick.  Never vomited.  Just nausea.   I did grow at warp speed though.  I was actually out of my jeans at 7 weeks.  I had to buy maternity already.  I found out @ 10 weeks I was pregnant with twins and not too surprised - just shocked.  As for the shock?  It does not really go away...just transforms into "survival mode" when they are born.  I will say this - it's really hard when they are first born, but it's very do-able.  I promise.   Take good care of yourself during this pregnancy.  Listen to your body.  HUGS.  @ Congrats!! 

 

ChristinaD09

We found out at our 20 week ultrasound too.  And it was going to be our last kiddo.  We were just hoping the ultrasound tech would tell us it was a girl.  Nope, 2 more boys.  It's been two months, and we're still adjusting to it.  Putting together the nursery will help---go do your registry, plan your nursery--I always find that helps me get excited about it (We had an unplanned pregnancy with my first, and I was soo upset about being pregnant for the first couple months until I started really planning for it all).  Be aware that you need to eat a lot more.  I've liked the When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets & Quads book--lots of very helpful information, like your new nutritional requirements, emphasizing your need for lots of sleep and rest, etc.  I had only gained a few pounds by the time of my 20 week appointment, and I'm glad I immediately started taking care of what I was eating and making sure I was eating plenty.  Also, is your OB experienced with multiples?  I'm sure plenty are these days, but I have a high-risk OB who specializes in this stuff, and I love having him.  (He's one of the few who will deliver breech, for example, so there is only one out of four scenarios that my boys could be in that would require a c-section.  He'll deliver vaginally if they're both breech! Some other people who practice with him, though, automatically c-section with any twin pregnancy). 

mirnb

Congratulations! I didn't find out late (13 weeks) but it was a complete shock so I know where you're coming from there! It was also our first children! Don't feel bad at all about struggling with your feelings....it is completely normal to feel that way and my boys are 6 months old and I still feel that way sometimes when the days are really hard! But there will also be moments of complete joy and feeling so blessed to have 2 babies! And don't forget the extra hormones that come with 2 babies so fluctuating feelings are to be expected I agree to start planning and that will get you more excited about the process....DO NOT google yourself silly over every little thing that can go wrong with twins and DO NOT listen to people who want to tell you their twin horror stories! DO get yourself informed from good sources like your OB and I recommend Dr.Barbara Luke "What to expect" book for multiples. It is so important to take things easy and take good care of yourself! You can have a great multiple pregnancy! Enjoy the wild ride you are about to embark on...once you see those sweet little faces you will realize how blessed you are even when the days are hard!

shaunah816

Thanks again SO much, everyone. I had a great talk with my husband on Saturday (I am truly so blessed to have such a thoughtful man in my life), got out all my fears, and have been feeling a lot better. I'm still scared and mourning that singleton experience I had planned for a bit, but every day it gets better and I think about how wonderful it will be to have two little ones. I'm taking things slow for now and focusing on getting to 24 weeks and viability, updating my registry, and looking into childcare options. After that I'll focus on getting the three of us to 30 weeks, and so on. I'm very blessed that the boys are healthy and growing right on track so far at 20 weeks, even without me knowing there were two in there. Thank you again for all your support. This is a wonderful community!