How offended/mad would this make you (plus intro) LONG

pastalady

Hi! I usually lurk but have posted a few times. I have a 3 year old DD who is going through evaluations and diagnosis right now for ASD. My Dh was officially diagnosed with AS about a month ago. We suspected for about 2 years. Of course we have had some issues in our marriage but nothing overly serious.

My mom called a few days ago and basically went on about how she has been researching aspergers and how people with it are pyschopaths and also mentally retarded. She also said the definition of mental retardation is not knowing right from wrong. I corrected her and said that is criminal insanity I believe.

I am shocked because I have a sister with special needs. I was brought up to never use the word "retarded" and here is my mom throwing it around. My mom is most likely an undiagnosed bipolar but would never seek treatment. One day she is up, the next she is suicidal. I told her she was not just talking about my husband but my daughter could be diagnosed with aspergers as well. She repeated her thoughts that aspergers is just a front for selfish phychopaths who just need to grow up.

My Dad called later on and apologized for my mom, saying she was upset and didn't mean what she said. I have decided to just kind of step away for awhile from my family. My whole family is close to the extreme. My 3 sisters (oldest is 40) still all live at home. My special needs sister will always live at home and we try to all help my folks out.

My husband thinks they want to split us up so I will move back home with my daughter. Sounds funny but honestly, they would be thrilled. I just want a nice relationship but I also don't want my mom telling my daughter she just needs to grow up, etc as she gets older. My mom basically doesn 't believe in autism. I have sent her links and books, etc. She believes it is a conspiracy.

Help, what to do? I am pretty mad at my mom and hurt. I just want to protect DD.

 

ridesbuttons

At some point you need to accept that your parents are just people with flaws and all.

If your mother is toxic to your marriage and/or your daughter, then you need to distance yourself.  You cannot change your mother, you can only control your own actions. 

Distance yourself.   

MrsBalletStar05

We are just discovering my younger son's delays (possible Fragile X and/or ASD) and at the same time my older one is being evaluated at school (pre-k, his delays are not as extreme as my younger one).  Naturally, I ask my mom about any dealys/special needs I am aware of in our family.  Her own brother has special needs and when responding to my e-mail, she too, used the word *retarded*.  In my case, I don't believe her intent was malicious, but I know my mother is older and is not aware that the word carries some heavy meanings and is no longer PC.