If you have/had PPD...

BigIsland07

Can you tell me what you felt on a daily basis that led you to believe/realize/suspect you might have PPD? I've read a whole bunch of clinical and technical stuff about the "symptoms" -- but what did you feel??

DogCat&Baby

I actually had prenatal depression, and so far no PPD. But when I was pregnant I was not sleeping, this was beyond the normal difficult sleeping that comes with pregnancy.  I also started to avoid people, even those that care about me and would have helped.  Rationally I knew there was nothing to be sad about yet I was always down on myself about one thing or another.  Depression also is exhausting even if you have been laying around all day.  There are other symptoms you can have but I hope this helps.

Sunshine+Luv

I felt ovErwhelmed. I felt like I would never catch up on sleep and be able to enjoy my family. I also cried a whole lot. 

DogCat&Baby

I also want to add I was able to get help through this organization https://www.postpartum.net/

pinksweetpea2

I was weepy and had a lot of anxiety about all kinds of issues that normally would not stress me out. 

I started off seeing a therapist who specializes in PPD and got a referral to a phycologist who then put me on Zoloft.  About a week after starting Zoloft, I was feeling a LOT more like myself.  I hardly every cry now- even though I am totally sleep deprived and dealing with a very difficult 3 year old.  

I stopped seeing the therapist because I realized- for me- that it was just a chemical thing.  I know for some people they need to talk it out and need meds and others just need meds...and some just need to talk it out.   

DevonPow

I had it with DS1. I basically dreaded getting out of bed each day, because it felt like every day was the same, unending dreary, fussy baby filled day. I felt like I had made a mistake in having a baby - that my life would never be fully mine/normal/happy again (a lot of people feel this to dome extent, but this feeling lasted a long time with me ). I also did not really bond with DS1. I loved him in a clinical way, and took care of him very well, but there was no depth to it - you know? It was terrible to feel that, and at the time I truly didn't realize it was PPD. I honestly just thought that DH and I had made a mistake and that I wasn't meant to be a mom. It sounds so awful now that I am out of it, especially knowing how much I adore my DS1. I was very proactive about getting help this time, but everything has been night and day...no PPD, not even any baby blues. Knowing now how it CAN (and I suppose, should) be with a newborn makes me so sad about what I missed and how hard it was for me/us. I really, really regret not getting help earlier.

ChicagoChick14

DevonPow:

I had it with DS1. I basically dreaded getting out of bed each day, because it felt like every day was the same, unending dreary, fussy baby filled day. I felt like I had made a mistake in having a baby - that my life would never be fully mine/normal/happy again (a lot of people feel this to dome extent, but this feeling lasted a long time with me ). I also did not really bond with DS1. I loved him in a clinical way, and took care of him very well, but there was no depth to it - you know? It was terrible to feel that, and at the time I truly didn't realize it was PPD. I honestly just thought that DH and I had made a mistake and that I wasn't meant to be a mom. It sounds so awful now that I am out of it, especially knowing how much I adore my DS1. I was very proactive about getting help this time, but everything has been night and day...no PPD, not even any baby blues. Knowing now how it CAN (and I suppose, should) be with a newborn makes me so sad about what I missed and how hard it was for me/us. I really, really regret not getting help earlier.

I am crying after reading this because I have been wondering if I have PPD and knowing thats how I feel about my DS, I have realized I probably do have it.  

betsykerry1

mine started the day I got home from the hospital. I just couldn't stop crying for any real length of time. Then, I found myself feeling anxious ALL the time. Like pit-of-my-stomach dread and I'd have a panic attack a couple times a week. My worst time of day was and still is the evening... I was so worried that LO would never go down for even a couple hours sleep that even when she was asleep, I would lie awake waiting for her to cry or need something. I technically was capable of caring for her needs, but I was not emotionally invested in what I was doing. I was also exclusively pumping because of latch issues (i've since given up and am FF) which meant getting up all through the night while my partner fed LO to pump. I was getting NO sleep. Finally at about two and a half weeks, I went to see my OB and she started me on xanax, as needed for anxiety. Then about a week later, my mom, who was able to "work from home" at my house, talked me into going back for a second opinion. I got started on zoloft and, once the dosage got tweaked to the right level, I felt like a real human being and actually was able to enjoy my now 9 week old. It was so scary. I felt hugely overwhelmed and out of control. I did see a counselor a few times, but for me, honestly, it was just a chemical imbalance that needed to be straightened out. if you think you have PPD, please just go talk to your OB. that's what they are there for. You're not the only one who's come in to their office, feeling a little (or a lot) embarrassed that you miss your old life/made a huge mistake/are a complete mess/can't stop crying etc. My OB gave me a huge hug, told me that PPD is an illness that is TREATABLE and reassured me that I was not alone. What I also found, while I'm rambling, was that getting out of the house was a huge help. Go to the grocery store, go to visit your friends, just go for a drive. get out and find some "new mom" groups. the hospital I had my baby at has a wonderful support group for moms with adjustment issues... you'll get through this... it just takes reaching out and asking for help! GL!

DevonPow

ChicagoChick14:

DevonPow:

I had it with DS1. I basically dreaded getting out of bed each day, because it felt like every day was the same, unending dreary, fussy baby filled day. I felt like I had made a mistake in having a baby - that my life would never be fully mine/normal/happy again (a lot of people feel this to dome extent, but this feeling lasted a long time with me ). I also did not really bond with DS1. I loved him in a clinical way, and took care of him very well, but there was no depth to it - you know? It was terrible to feel that, and at the time I truly didn't realize it was PPD. I honestly just thought that DH and I had made a mistake and that I wasn't meant to be a mom. It sounds so awful now that I am out of it, especially knowing how much I adore my DS1. I was very proactive about getting help this time, but everything has been night and day...no PPD, not even any baby blues. Knowing now how it CAN (and I suppose, should) be with a newborn makes me so sad about what I missed and how hard it was for me/us. I really, really regret not getting help earlier.

I am crying after reading this because I have been wondering if I have PPD and knowing thats how I feel about my DS, I have realized I probably do have it.  

((hugs)) I am so sorry you are going through this.I remember wondering why everyone else talked about that awe inspiring love they were experiencing, and just feeling kind of empty. Definitely call your OB to talk, and know that feeling this way happens to a LOT of moms...it just isn't talked about. It does NOT make you any less of a mother. I can't even begin to tell you how much better it can and will be,

acaudill75

A previous poster mentioned getting out. I can't stress the importance of connecting with the outside world. Being at home with a newborn can be VERY isolating, and that just makes the PPD worse. Force yourself to go for a walk with the baby, or, if you need to separate yourself from DD/DS, get someone you trust to watch your baby. I felt disconnected from everything and everyone, and was crying all the time, and was terrified of night time because what would happen if she cried??? Try to assimilate LO into your normal routine as much as possible. That small sense of normalcy will go a long way in getting you back to an even keel. Keep in mind that BF will make you a hormonal wreck at first, so try to weigh the benefit for LO of BF against your sanity and ability to properly take care of a baby. Its like nature wants to punish us for being good moms or something ...

Amy212

I cried nonstop and really had a hard time bonding with my third. I felt like I ruined DS and DD1 life by having a third. I had awful feelings about leaving her at the hospital so my life could get back to "normal". I cry thinking about those feelings so much because everybody tells you that it is an instant bond but in reality it is not. My doc put me on celexa for PPD the day I had my third (I had PPD with DD1 too) but it took a good two weeks to get at a theraputic level. Never be scared to ask for help, my doc says a happy Momma equals a happy Baby. My hubby helped me cope those first two weeks by just getting me out of the house and being very understanding and comforting when I cried. I hope you get the help you need.

hass2001

I knew something was wrong when we were driving home from the hospital. I could not stop crying and was so anxious. I didn't understand because I thought this should be the happiest time in my life. Once I got home I felt lost, like I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt alone, like no one else in the world could possibly be going through this. I felt like it would never end - the feeding, soothing baby to sleep, changing diapers, etc. I had ZERO appetite. I literally had to choke food down. I cried so much.

Like other posters have mentioned, nighttime was especially nerve wracking for me. DH went back to work immediately so I was up with DD by myself. I was just soooo tired. I remember one evening when DD started crying I got myself so worked up about the coming night with her that I threw up. The breaking point for me was 2 weeks PP I felt so sick like I had the flu - feverish, chills, nausea. I was so tired but couldn't sleep because of the anxiety. Finally my husband had had enough and made me call my OB and he got me on Zoloft right away. Not 2 days later I felt almost 100%!! I really fell like myself now and really enjoy being a mother

I remember my OB telling me how happy he was that I called him and how proud he was of me. Don't hesitate to call your doctor!! That is what they are here for. Good luck