Bittersweet Arrival of our Twins

angelfire02

Our babies were due to arrive by scheduled c-section at 37 weeks on May 21st.  I went in for a check on the 14th and my BP was 156/106 so they decided that was the day the babies were coming!  My husband and mom came to the hospital and we were scheduled for a 4:00 c-section, right before we were going to go back we were bumped by an emergency so we just hung out until we got to go back at 6:30. My doctor couldn't stay for the later time so he handed us off to another doctor and said he was totally confident in her ability to deliver me because I had had no complications up to this point.  We agreed that was fine and went with her. Baden Robert was born at 6:39pm weighing 5lbs 7oz and was 18 inches long, one minute later Nolan Charles was born weighing 5lbs 9oz and 17 inches long.  Right after delivery I could tell that something wasn't going well, the doctor and the resident got very quiet and suddenly very busy.  They started giving me a ton of medicine, I ended up getting 3 bags of Pitocin pushed through my IV, 6 injections into my thigh, capsules of something shoved in my bottom, and finally injections directly into my uterus.  They couldn't get the bleeding to stop and my uterus wasn't contracting.  They worked for over an hour, they brought my husband back in to be with me because it was taking so long and I was so scared.  I was sick the entire time and they were having a hard time regulating my blood pressure and my pulse kept dropping.  The babies were getting all checked out and even being delivered at 35w6d, neither had to go to the NICU.  In the end the doctor had to do an emergency hystorectomy and I lost my uterus.  I was shocked and crushed, this was my first pregnancy and I am only 28.  I know, and I knew in the moment that it was a very serious situation and they wouldn't have taken it if they didn't have to.  Working through all my emotions I have felt everything from extreme gratification to be here with my babies to intense anger at my doctor for leaving and not doing the delivery myself.  My doctor came to talk to me two days later and was in tears over his decision to hand off my surgery, turns out he was home doing home improvements.  I met another girl who was in the exact same situation the week before I came in and have reached out to her in hopes of finding someone who understands.  I feel very alone and like it doesn't make sense why this had to happen.  I know it's part of the grieving process, but I'm so sad about having the choice to have more children taken away from me.  My husband has been wonderful and very supportive but I was the one that wanted more kids.  We have talked about our other options to have children but right now just the financial aspect of all of it is too daunting, and our babies are only 9 days old.  

Anyway, I have learned so much on this board and have followed many stories so I wanted to share mine.  For all of you who are still pregnant, please, enjoy it.  I know it's so hard and by the end I was literally begging my doctor to take the babies out.  Now I would give anything to have them back in, especially knowing I will never again have that feeling.  So enjoy them in while you can because once they are out time starts going way too fast. 

jessican08

I'm so glad your little guys are healthy and thriving but I'm so sorry you had to go through that. ((HUGS))

I can only imagine the range of emotions you're going through right now but please know that we're here if you need us. 

groovygrl

Congratulations on your twins, first off!! Sounds like they are wonderful.

I'm so so sorry you had to go through that and it sounds like you know your feelings of loss are very normal but that doesn't make it any easier.  I'm so glad you have a supportive husband & support system to help you.

This is not exactly the same but I lost my father right after my twins were born and it was so hard to be torn between grief & joy when you feel like you should be so elated about your babies and enjoying them 100%...do not feel guilty about your sadness about what happened, it doesn't make you a bad mother or person or anything, it makes you a human being & if you need a little break sometimes to have some alone time with your feelings, make sure to ask for one. 

GL!

trytryagain

congratulations on you little guys... I understand, first hand, what you are going through.  Sounds just like my delivery.  I haven't posted much since my triplets were born...but lurk... a lot.  I too ended up with a hysterectomy, at 29 years old.  I thank God for my beautiful babies, approaching their 1st birthday, but am sad that the decision was taken away from me.  You will come to terms with it.  It may take awhile.  In the meantime, enjoy your precious gifts.....

jenn_darrin1515

congratulations on the arrival of your sweet babies...

I am so sorry for your loss of future children...do not feel badly about grieving however you need to right now.  and enjoy your babies!

kiwi443

Oh wow, I'm so sorry you had to go through that .

 Congrats on your precious babies. It's wonderful that they don't need NICU time and are doing well.

E&RMommy

I am so very very sorry.  Just love the heck out of those babies and remember that time will heal these wounds.

floridakat

I'm so sorry your birth experience was so traumatic. Congratulations on your two, healthy boys, and I hope you can find a way to come to terms with the hysterectomy.

Reilly626

Wow so happy your babies are fine and are healthy weights... Im so sorry for your stress and pain. I dont quite understand why they did that though- because of the bleeding? May you find peace...

Abbe2b3

I just want to send you a big hug! I can't imagine having to deal with that. Just dive into your little ones and cry when you need to.  Sending T &P.

 

Breezy8407

Congrats on your babies, sorry to hear the sad news. 

pea-kay

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your sweet boys. I'm sorry to hear about the hysterectomy. That is really awful. I hope you are able to find peace with the situation.

megs2011

I am so sorry to that you had to have a hysterectomy. That just isn't fair that the ability to have more children was taken from you. ::hugs:: They say time heals all wounds. Just love those babies up and I hope that in time you will find the comfort you need to get through this.

On a happy note, congrats on the arrival of your boys. That is awesome that they didn't have to go into the NICU at all.

LottaLattes

I'm so glad that your twins are here and happy and healthy.  And so sorry about the rest of it.  I would hope that your doctor would have had to make that same hard decision as well (aka, it wasn't the fault of the other doctor specifically) and am so sorry for the loss of your uterus.  I know friends of mine who were DONE having kids still had a lot of remorse about losing their ability to do so, it's rough.  Hang in there and in the meantime enjoy those new babies *HUGS*

ramee151

What a tough way to welcome your LOs...

Be easy on yourself--don't forget you are dealing with postpartum hormonal changes which can amplify the intensity of feelings. 

alice2Bcheshire

Congratulations on the birth of your boys. I'm so sorry for your loss of bearing future children. Hope you find peace in the coming days.

SpinningJess

That has to be so very hard to deal with, my heart hurts for you.  I hope you find a way to work through the painful process of accepting that these will be your only two.  Thank God you had twins!  Did anyone say what went wrong?  Could a different doctor have done anything different, or would the outcome have been the same regardless?

Glad to hear both babies were big and healthy - one less thing for you to stress about right now.  Praying you have a quick recovery and enjoy those littles!

ColleenS629

Congrats on your twins! I am so sorry about the rest of your story.

macchiatto

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure that makes for a lot of complicated emotions to work through as you process the arrival of two babies and the loss of a part of you and some of your options for the future. Congratulations on your babies. I hope all goes well with them and that you come to have peace with what happened. All the best to you.

hlsgarcia

Thank you for sharing your story. Even though we're perfect stranger's, I am deeply sorry for what your are having to go through. You must be a very strong woman for this to have been on your life path. I'm glad you have the support of your husband around and glad you are searching out other women to try to connect with. I cannot even imagine the range of emotions you are dealing with, but I believe them all to be valid and legitimate. Thought and prayers are being sent for you.

acb+4

Bless your heart.  I am so glad that your boys are healthy and well.  I'll pray for peace for you, and perhaps one day another child will come into your life through adoption--what a blessing that would be to that special child. 

Temp6313048411121614

First, congratulations on the birth of 2 healthy baby boys.   Boys are absolutely wonderful (though I don't have a girl to compare them to).  They're loud, busy, energetic, and mine love to snuggle.

Second, I can't imagine how difficult that must be emotionally, and especially right now when your hormones are all out of wack anyway.  I know a girl that was in a similar situation, she had a singleton and had to have an emergency hysto., had a 2nd via surrogate, and is looking for a surrogate to add a 3rd.  I know you know this, and it won't make the situation better, but the most important thing is that you and your babies are all safe. 

google123

I'm am so sorry for what happened to you.  I'm shocked, as stories like this are so rare.  I know it must be devastating, and you are grieving the loss of a future child or pregnancies.  I hope that in the next couple of years you will be able to come to peace with what happened and be able to cherish the time with your twins.  Would this situation have happened with your own doctor?  perhaps?  you'll never know, and I suppose it's a hard pill to swallow...the 'what if'.  But don't forget that in the end you are tremendously blessed, as many people don't even have the opportunity to have even 1 child, let alone 2 healthy  twins.  My heart goes out to you and wish you and your babies health and happiness.

 

If IVF and surrogacy are considerations in your future, my suggestion is to set aside money towards your savings account every month.  (start with 200/month...then try to fit in 400).  Then financially it will be less daunting. 

leviandlandensmom

I'm so sorry about the hysterectomy, that is heartbreaking!

 Congrats on the healthy babies though.

GenieBK

I am so sorry you had the experience you did. It's such a blessing that both babies are healthy and here. I hope you have a healthy and smooth recovery. Enjoy your 2 sweet little boys!

erniebufflo

First of all: congrats on your healthy babies.

Secondly: I am so sorry. I can relate, as I had severe and life-threatening complications 4 days post partum and even wound up intubated in the ICU. My issues were cardiac related, so I did not physically lose my uterus, but I have been told by my doctors that any future pregnancy would be life-threatening, and as such, I should not have any more children. It is a hard thing to come to terms with, even though I wasn't sure I would even want more children. It is absolutely OK and normal to be grieving over this. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

ougrad1

I am so sorry hon.  I had those feelings after both of my deliveries.  It's such an incredible build up of feeling and emotions and all of a sudden, they are gone.  I really think their may be a grieving process after giving birth of missing the tremendous things going on in your body.

Congratulations on your sweet boys and take care of you.

Keep talking to us and if you feel like you need them, do not be afraid of asking for some anti depressants.  You have been through a lot in a matter of a few hours. 

cookie_queen

Congrats on your baby boys. I'm so sorry for the loss of your uterus. What an emotional delivery. I'm glad you are alive to mother your sweet babies though.

mrstanya78

Congrats on your boys! I can not imagine the mix of emotions you are feeling! My heart goes out to you! I hope your boys come home soon and I wish you a safe and uneventful recovery!

Mrs. Alice

Congrats on you boys and sorry to hear about your complications.  I hope things get better for you.

HazelEyes730

Congrats on your twins!

I'm so sorry about what happened. I can only imagine how you must feel. ((hugs)) 

amanda31H

Ohhh angel, bless your heart.  I'm so, so sorry.  I can't imagine having that taken from me  Give yourself some time to grieve, and time to enjoy your newborns, and then you can think about the future.  You NEVER know what's in store for you. 

Hug those boys, and I'm so thankful they arrived safe and sound - and that you are safe also.  You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you recover.

PurrCrasher

Wow. How bittersweet indeed. Congrats on your healthy babies, to say the least but I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope that you can find a way to focus on your babies and not let this horrible incident weigh on you too much. It's not fair and it's a terrible thing to experience but I sincerely hope that you find peace with it all in the future. For now, snuggle your precious little peanuts!

ardilla

Congratulations on your healthy boys! I'm so sorry to hear the rest of your story. Please be good to yourself as you heal, both physically and emotionally.

thetwinkies&Vivi

Congrats on the arrival of your healthy little guys.

I am sorry to hear about the complications, I can only imagine how difficult that is to deal with at this time.  

Fryjack2

What a scary experience!  I'm glad you and the babies are safe and healthy. Congrats!

I hope you find a way to rejoice in your twins arrival and grieve your loss. I can only imagine how you are feeling, I'm sorry.  I hope that the future holds a way to make your family what you hope it will be.  

Switzerland87

Congratulations on your healthy boys! 

I'm so sorry for your loss, though. I hope your healing process is quick, on all levels. Hugs. 

cutebride73

Congratulations on the birth of your little boys.  I am so sorry to hear that you had such serious complications.  I hope that you will be able to come to terms with everything. 

jellolz

Congrats on the birth of your healthy boys! I am so sorry you had the decision to have more taken away from you though. I am actually carrying for a woman who had a hysterectomy at 29 (due to endo).

 

And please, please ignore anyone who says you should just be happy with your babies, because 100% you are allowed to grieve for the loss of what could have been. ::hugs:: 

LadyNikon

congrats on your twins!  I am happy that you made it out of the procedure alive and well even after the complication. 

angelfire02

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all of your kind words.  I feel like this board has been such a wonderful resource for information and support and I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all of the comments.  Reading them makes me feel much less alone.