Dealing w/PPD w/out meds? Advice please.

LittleStace

Anyone have advice or resources on dealing with post partum depression without taking prescription meds?  I'm hoping the natural birth ladies might have some insight.  Here's my story...

I was planning for natural childbirth, but nothing went right. Was induced at 37 1/2 wks due to low amniotic fluid. I absolutely did NOT want to be induced, but I went along with it because, though DS wasn't showing any signs of distress, everyone kept telling me it was so dangerous that I didn't have any choice. After 13 hours I was able to get my water to break through walking around and movement, but once that happened things went south. DS's heartrate wasn't stablilizing between contractions. The external fetal monitor wasn't working well, so they insisted on an internal one, which I find barbaric. The Dr. from my ob/gyn practice on call that day had met me only briefly before, and didn't know anything about me or my desire for a natural birth. He rarely talked to me during labor. Less than an hour after my water broke I was on my way for a c-section. There was little discussion, and when I tried to ask questions, I was asked "Don't you want a healthy baby?" It was a terribly unpleasant, impersonal, traumatic experience. 

The Dr. later said that DS's heartrate trouble was probably due to his small size and an inability to tolerate the misoprostal used to induce me.  I wish I would've asked more questions or said no...or something.  I feel like everything's my fault, like I didn't try hard enough. I feel like a failure. I was such a mess in the first weeks after the birth, but I was able to get by not thinking about the experience and being too busy taking care of the baby. Now I'm back at work with time to think about things, and I'm a mess again. I don't want to go back to the Dr. because their recommendation is antidepressants. I feel like I need some help here, though, and I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would really be appreciated.

judahsmommy1

First off, I'm so sorry that your birth experience wasn't what you want it to be. Honestly, I would be looking for a different doctor, just because of how disrespectful this particular one sounds! You did the absolute best you could to advocate for yourself and your child. I'm sorry it didn't turn out better. Have you looked into doing some counseling to process what you experienced?

I honestly don't know if the interventions that the doctors provided were necessary or not. But even something like an internal monitor (as horrible as it sounds) can be a life-saving tool in certain circumstances. I'm going to repeat that you advocated the best you could with the information and tools you were given. Congratulations on your baby! I hope you find a way to work through this experience so that your memories of your child's birthday are positive instead of painful.

danieliza1127

I suggest you go see a counselor and just use talk therapy to work through your feelings.  It's normal to be upset that your birth plan didn't go as planned, but giving birth is such a big experience, you can't control every aspect of it and you certainly can't go back in time and change what happened.  It wasn't your responsibility to know more than the doctors and medical professionals, not your fault that your baby reacted poorly to the induction meds, none of that is within your control.  You have a beautiful and healthy baby and that is really all that matters now. 

RockyMtnMama

My friend had a first birth experience similar to yours and had PPD after the traumatic birth - mostly due to/surrounding the birth itself and not motherhood. 

First off, I know she hated the "you have a healthy baby now" comments and asked all us close friends not to say that since it minimized what she was feeling.  She reached out to all us close friends and talked about her experience at a book club one night.  I think that was her first step in realizing she needed more to deal with it - we all encouraged her to talk with a counselor and her DH (he was the biggest one saying "we have a healthy baby now, so it doesn't really matter how the birth went").  She went to counseling and worked through/with a "Birthing from Within" birth educator to not only deal with her first traumatic birth, but prepare for a second birth (by the time she sought help she was planning a second kid). 

I think both of those helped her a lot and she didn't go on any antidepressants.  Not sure if sharing my friend's story helps, but I hope you find something that can start your healing process.

 

LittleStace

Thanks, ladies. I guess I do need to find someone to talk to about this. DH is very supportive of me, but doesn't understand these feelings I have and doesn't know what to say. We both agree that I should switch doctors - preferably a midwife next time around if possible.  RockyMtnMama, your friend's story is helpful, thank you. So many people I've talked to think it doesn't matter how the baby got here as long as he got here, and that makes me feel dismissed. How my son was brought into this world mattered to me, and when I look back on that day, I feel fear and sadness. That's just not how it was supposed to go.

Thanks again for your support.

fryrat

On line of thought that may be useful is that since you are planning another child, try to see your birth as a learning experience. I agree, it sounds very traumatic, but there are elements you can learn from. You can use that information as armor, a weapon, to prepare you for the next one. You may not totally have the strength to take on the thanks for the info, I'm never doing that again attitude, but remember that every experience that we have as we go through life is meant to be learned from, in one way or another.

ridesbuttons

I'm going to add that if you are not exercising every day (preferably outside) then you should start.  Put your LO in a carrier and take a serious, sweat producing walk every day, 30 minutes at least.

 

pixieprincss

You need to speak with a professional of some sort, optimally a provider who is familiar with the concept of birth trauma and figure out what really is going on. Obviously your post is just a tiny snapshot of your life, but I'm not sure I would latch on to PPD without first exploring the PPTSD (post-partum traumatic stress disorder) or "just" the normal (but especially difficult for some moms) process of having changing post-partum hormones plus situational depression or anxiety because of the birth experience. Personally, I didn't even earn a blip on the PPD scale, but it was very clear to me that I had PPTSD, something my OB didn't even talk to me about because we saw my birth very differently.

Through finding a provider that treated my experience with dignity, getting help identifying and addressing some things nutritionally (turns out I had major Vit D deficiency), and joining a birth trauma support group I was able to move beyond the middle-of-the-night panic attacks, constantly replaying things in my mind, crying fits, etc. Hypnotherapy or talk therapy are also options I considered.

That said, meds can be a very helpful thing if you have a chemical imbalance. So, even a provider who is everything you want may point you to that path. I wouldn't rule it out for youself until you gather more information. Health can look different ways in differen situations.

Bottom line: talk to a professional. Don't settle for feeling this way or for going back to a provider you are not comfortable with. The wbesite Solace For Mothers and ICAN may be a helpful resources in getting peer-to-peer support as well as finding a provider who can faciliate a diagnosis and a plan.