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Blended Families
Plans long
My husband and I had planed to get things done around the house and spent some 1 on 1 time with each other this weekend...well he came home this morning said we are getting SD again 4th weekend in a row and we will have her for at least 10days till after we come back from vacation...I can't get anything done while SD is here and alot I need DH help cause Im so pregnant I can't do certian things anymore... Her BM has off all wekend and is spending it with her boys and husband again... SD was upset last weekend was her lil brothers birthday down there and they sent her here she wanted to know why they didnt want her at the party... we would have gladly switched days they never asked us to...I don't want her to feel like we don't want her up here but I have so much I have to get done b4 baby gets here i'm sending my son to moms for the night so I can but with her here I still won't be able to get things done...My DH is no help he doesn't watch the kids and when he does the house is a huge mess and I don't have time or energy to clean it all atm... Is it bad that I want to wait till at least monday to get SD force her BM to spend quality time with her daughter that desperately wants time with her... ?? everytime SD is here its a tense time and I'm always stressed she is a handful I just need 1 weekend b4 baby gets here to relax and get everything done... I hate feeling like the bad guy her mom oviously doesn't want her and my DH is always at work so I am the only 1 to displine her play with her and basically love her... but I need me time house time and time to do things I can't do while shes here and I can't send her to moms like I do my son because DH says we only get her part the time she needs to spend time with us... well thats well and good but she is spending time with me not DH who she wants time with... AHHHH its just a frustrating mess!!! and I know everyone will say MAKE dh spend time with her... he can't he has to work 12hrs a day 1hr each way and sleep sometime... just to pay the 100 a week CS yea its lovely part of it we have her all the time but still pay 100 a week ugh add to the frustration... if we go back they would just stop sending her up here to keep the money... so no point in paiung 5000 for another lawyer for another frustration.... being a SM sucks sometimes I swear i think the stress has made me age 20yrs in the last 5...
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Re: Plans long
^^ This. You are 31 weeks pregnant for heaven's sake, you can't be expected to do everything by yourself. I'm only 9 weeks and I'm already telling my husband he's gotta step it up with transportation. There is absolutely no shame in sending the kiddos to Grandma for a weekend. I'm sure Grandma will love having them to herself and the kids will love getting to do something special. I'm pretty sure at the end of the pregnancy no one is going to hand you a gold medal for taking on more than you can handle.
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I wouldn't torture my mom like that even for 1 night when I say handful I mean it... she is worse than a newborn with neediness and whineiness plus she steals so I don't trust her at anyone elses house to behave... B4 I came along when she was 3 the MIL kept her for DH... bm and DH were together 1 time so there was always shared time since SD was 6months old... but MIL made lots of problems with the custody and such so I don't trust her to keep SD last time 2yrs or so ago she cut SD hair crooked bad... we had to spend 20 to get it fixed and BM threw a fit it took forever to get civil with BM again... My son is just staying fri nite with my mom so I can go to dr and come home do some projects pick him up sat morning... idk how I am gonna get everything done for vacation packing cleaning house b4 we leave... and baby shower on 7th i have like 3 big projects to make 4 that center pieces-make the 30-40 ribbons for dont say baby game... and fold up 30-40 paper diapers for diaper game... o and favors yea its my 2nd shower so I am doing alot of lil things myself...I swear there isn't enough time in the day or time b4 baby get here and there is even less time to do things... I need a maid lol least my job is over the lil 2yr old i babysit her mom works 4 school so shes out for summer
Wow. Let me preface this by saying I am 38 weeks pregnant so I can relate to being tired and wanting weekend time to myself so I can rest and relax a bit before baby #2 comes. But you are a bit much and IMO bringing a lot of this on yourself. I also feel bad for your poor SD, she probably is feeling very lost right now. Maybe she just needs some reassurance, that is why she does not want to be alone in her room.
If you are really that stressed and need a break, use MIL! A crooked haircut is nothing in the grand scheme of things if it gives you a rest. Sounds like excuses IMO.
If it is stressing you out that much, don't do the 3 big projects for your second baby shower! Hell, don't have a second shower at all! I have to admit to side-eying a second time mom who has more than one shower. I am just being honest here. Anyway, back on topic- I almost pulled out of my one and only shower b/c I was feeling so tired... focus on you and baby, if you need to.
I am sorry you miscarried, but stress does not cause miscarriages. So I hope you're not blaming your SD for your miscarriage? that is how it came across to me. OK, your SD plays differently than your son, but it does not really sound like you are trying to engage her at all, just that you see her as an annoyance. I am sure that comes across to her. I feel bad for your SD- she is being shipped off by BM and is not welcome at her dad's house. She probably feels really lost right now. Sorry if I am being harsh, that is just how your posts are coming across to me.
I am tired 1000% of the time, but I still always find time to engage with my dc even when I want to drop. It's so important to me that dc feels special and not pushed aside. DC asks a million questions all the time- it's a stage- and I bite my lip and answer them even when I want to drop. It's called being a parent. Can you try to engage more with your SD- have her help you out, make it fun? I think we'll just hear more excuses though.
Sounds to me like she's calling out for love and attention. No one wants her. Not her mom, not her dad (he can take her but if he doesn't do #@$# doesn't matter), and not her SM. No wonder she acts out. What a life. She isn't even invited to a younger brothers birthday party?
And, you don't need a 2nd baby shower, and you shouldn't be stressing out over decorating for it. Problem solved.
If your husband doesn't do jack with her, what will he do with "yours?"
Sorry this is snarky but this post makes my blood boil.
I don't think you are a failure. I think you have every right to be p!ssed off.
You have a DH problem. He had absolutely no business making plans that include you without checking with you first. If you were not ok with it then it should not have happended.
It is ok to be stressed, tired and need a break. I'm sorry that you are not getting one.
I also think it is totally your business if you want a second shower. If you want it go for it and I hope you enjoy it.
It is a sad situation for your SD to feel unwanted by her BM and left out of the party. Also leaving her there this weekend will not result in 'quality' time with her mom as I am sure you know already.
BUT the responsibility of helping this child does not automatically fall to you. Talk to your DH tonight and let him know that you are tired and overwhelmed. Have him arrange help for you on Saturday. Is there a family memeber or neighbour that can take the kids (SD and your DS) to the park for a few hours during the day? Can you afford to pay someone to do it? Your DH needs to sort it out. It would be good to have some support like this in place fro when the baby is born also.
You sound like you have a lot on your plate and life is pretty stressful at times? Can someone from your church maybe help out once in a while to give you a break?
We all need them them so don't at all feel bad about it.
I need breaks from the daily grind of work, housework, SS, my dogs etc and I don't even have bio kids yet. When I take breaks and recharge life flows calmer for all lol.
I'm sorry about your miscarriage, I hope you have some good friends or family that you can talk to and get the help you need.
Best of luck.
I would send her to MILs house. She is your SD's grandma, it's just as important that she spend time with grandma as she does with you. And if your H is not going to be minding her, then he can spend a few hours with his mom and then come and help you with the big projects that you can't do on your own.
You definately have an H problem. I can see being unable to say "no" to taking your child for a weekend, but at the same time if YOU are sending your own child to your mom, you are entitled to a break from children.
Your H can also spend the day with his daughter away from the house - a trip to the zoo, etc. He does not have to have her in the house. See if you or your H can get a brother or neighbor to help with any heavy lifting or painting or whatever you need.