Potty training is going to be the death of me!

Lovebug90

DS will be 4 in August, and potty training is not going well I try to keep him in underwear as much as possible.  When we are out and about stores etc he stays dry and goes potty when taken.  At home, he will pee and not say a thing.  Very rarely will he tell me he has to go, I am usually the one that initiates.  Also, he refuses to poop on the potty and hides to do it.  I have tried ignoring it, tried scolding. We use rewards and there are toys and candy he knows he will get of he poops in the potty but still won't.  I have a 2 year old that poops in the potty just fine . I am trying to get him into preschool but of course need to deal with this first. He is very smart and I know he knows when he needs to go (hiding) I just want to cry I don't know what to do!  I don't want him to be behind in school because of potty training . Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!! Tia!! (sorry so long) 

jlw2505

Honestly, back off.  This has become a power struggle and its one you will not win.  Put him in pull-ups and let it be.  Tell him he will get his big boy undies back when he shows you he is ready.  Stop telling him when to go.  To be potty trained, he needs to be ready to take himself to the potty (or tell you to take him) when he needs to go.  You telling him every single time is not him being trained but you being trained to take him every few hours.  If he has an accident/goes in the pull-up, he has to be a huge part of cleaning up and getting new clothes.  Let it be for a while and one day he will wake up and be ready.

NJLH

Just empathizing that mine are 3.5 and sound very similar to your DS. They never tell me they have to go and I drag them to the potty kicking and screaming. They're the oldest in their preschool class and still in pullups. They have no problem sitting in wet undies. I've promised them every kind of reward under the sun. We've gone from stickers to an IPAD. Seriously.  I'm hoping something will give this summer. Good luck to u!

dpdw

jlw2505:

Honestly, back off.  This has become a power struggle and its one you will not win.  Put him in pull-ups and let it be.  Tell him he will get his big boy undies back when he shows you he is ready.  Stop telling him when to go.  To be potty trained, he needs to be ready to take himself to the potty (or tell you to take him) when he needs to go.  You telling him every single time is not him being trained but you being trained to take him every few hours.  If he has an accident/goes in the pull-up, he has to be a huge part of cleaning up and getting new clothes.  Let it be for a while and one day he will wake up and be ready.

Word. For. Word.  I swear jlw2505 is in my head.  As is typical for boys, my DS was a little late to PTing.  I tried forcing it & just drove myself crazy.  Ultimately I gave up trying and waited for him to tell me he was ready.  One day, out of the blue, he said, "Momma I have to go potty" and on that weekend we did the 3-day method.  After that he was in undies during the day (never had a single accident) and pull-ups at night for probably another month or two until he was consistently dry at night. 

A friend of mine's son was PT for #1, but used pull-ups for #2 until he was nearly 6 years old.  He would hold it all day in school, get home, grab the pull-ups and go to his room to do #2.  Then he'd throw it in the trash himself.  He eventually grew out of it.  This is just not a fight worth fighting.

Also, if you are worried about starting school - remember he's only 4.  If he starts late he'll catch up in no time.  You should also ask the school what their policy is for mid-year starts.  We worried that DS wouldn't start school on time because of PTing too.  Our school's policy is that they would hold his place for 3 months if he wasn't ready.  Luckily DS decided he was ready to use the potty 3 weeks before school started.

Good luck!!

Meg&Jesse

jlw2505:

Honestly, back off.  This has become a power struggle and its one you will not win.   

This.  When we "pushed" potty training it only went slower.  Once we stopped doing anything DS was ready.  In general, there are few things kids have "control" over and when/where the pee or poop is one thing they can control.  I totally believe that once they know the power struggle is over they will eventually just use the potty.

I know it is frustrating as a parent, but letting go is probably the best thing you can do.  Good Luck!

akayf

Also agree with the back off.   My son also gave us a hard time about training.   Finally, a couple days after his 4th bday in March, he suddenly decided he was ready and we were done.

If you are worried about school, my son's school has a must be potty train policy.   However, they were nice and let him attend even though he was still in pull ups.   They  would not change his pull up though.   If he peed through it and got his clothes wet, then they would help him change into dry clothes, just like they would if a kid peed their pants.   However, they would not check him to see if his pull up was wet or dry.   And we agreed that if he had a BM, I would come to school to change him.    His program is only 2.5 hours so we naver had any issues.  

Lovebug90

Thanks everyone! It is definitely reassuring to know I'm not the only one that struggled at this point! Going to stay out of undies and let him tell me when he's ready, even if it kills me

KL777

I agree with the others.  DS had #1 down pat at 34 months old and didn't get #2 down pat until he was about 3 years and 1 month old.  We tried underwear earlier but he wasn't ready. 

We had him in underwear at age 3 and only did night time pull-ups.  By 3 years and 3 months he was totally potty trained and we removed the night time pull ups.  The key here is that I think all kids do this at their OWN time.  Just like babies learn to walk and talk at different times.

Hang in there!