BM's passive-aggressive ways with the children

lily_721

SS2 had a birthday over the past weekend.  Two cards were sent from BM and BM's mom.  Both mention looking forward to having him for the summer.  He is not going for the summer.  He isn't going at all at this point.  BM hasn't asked for time and the boys are both very busy.  SS2 also doesn't want to see BM unless we are with him (he feels unsafe with her). 

DH is going to have to address this passive-aggressive request for visitation.  BM is supposed to contact DH not through her family.  SS2 gets very anxious about seeing her and this isn't helping.

For the record, I wasn't reading the cards.  It was written on the envelope.  Weird.  And no mention of SS1.  BM favors SS1 and usually ignores SS2.  I think it was written on the envelope as a message to SS1 and/or us.

BagelGirl

Why would your DH have to address it as a "passive agressive request for visitation"?  If she wants visitation, she should contact your husband directly to set it up.  I think I would not bother asking her what she meant as the card was addressed to the children.  If the kids ask, he can honestly say there are no plans for a visit yet.  I'd assume that the message was meant for SS since that's who the card was addressed to.  Is it possible she was being PA about it?  Totally.  But you can play dumb on this one, imho.

karatechrissy

Why does your H have to address this at all? She didn't contact him, she wasn't specific. To me this just look like an empty promise of nothing. I think he should ignore it. If she wants to be adult about it and contact your H and set up concrete days an times fine. But don't worry about it till she does. It's not your H's responsibility to do her work for her. Leave it be. 

CFjo2010

karatechrissy:

Why does your H have to address this at all? She didn't contact him, she wasn't specific. To me this just look like an empty promise of nothing. I think he should ignore it. If she wants to be adult about it and contact your H and set up concrete days an times fine. But don't worry about it till she does. It's not your H's responsibility to do her work for her. Leave it be. 

^^ Exactly.  As far as I'm concerned, BM is an adult and should conduct herself as such.  Which means she needs to contact your husband and plan out visits.  Having her mother do it is either passive aggressive, or evidence that grandma has no idea what's going on.  If BM ever gets around to mentioning it, deal with it at that time.  Until then, carry on as if there won't be a visit.  The kids' lives don't need to be put on hold while waiting to see if she's going to plan something.