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Attachment Parenting
Daddy can't put DS to sleep at bedtime
Our DS is 4.5 months old. He's never been a good sleeper but lately things have gotten worse. I have class 2 nights a week and my husband is responsible for bath time, feeding, and then putting him down for the night. Two out of the past 4 nights, I've come home to a screaming baby and an exhausted husband. Apparently DS had been screaming for 1-1.5 hours all the while DH was trying to put him to bed.
The moment DS is in my arms he conks out because he is exhausted from screaming.
We tried having DH do the bedtime routine while I was home (but not interrupting him) so that I could offer any tips, but DS went down in about 15 minutes without much of a fuss.
DH can get him down for naps without too much of a problem and can get him back to sleep if he wakes up at night but bedtime has suddenly become a problem. It doesn't help that DH hasn't bonded (I think at all) and is only taking care of DS out of a husbandly duty to me (but that's another issue). So you can imagine that DS acting like this regularly is not helping him bond.
Does anyone have any ideas on how we can overcome this? DH is quickly losing patience with the situation, which makes me nervous.
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Re: Daddy can't put DS to sleep at bedtime
Honestly, I would consider the idea that LO is picking up on some vibes from DH relating to him not bonding. I think it's hard for some dad's to bond the first few months. There just isn't much to connect with. My DH was great with LO, but really didn't become super connected until 6 months or so. It was hard for him to be really compassionate towards LO because he didn't really understand what the heck was going on. It helped when he used the ergo and could walk around with her while she was screaming - she got some comfort and he felt like he was doing something. DH came up with his own routines, and that seemed to work better than trying to do what i would do - perhaps a break in the routine would be best when he has to put him down. Another option might be taking him for a ride in the car, if he likes the car. good luck!
As PP said, it may be that LO is picking up on dad's frustration or discomfort and is not able to relax because of that. My DH has a mental block about his ability to put DD down for bed or naps--he can do it, and he does (at least a couple of times a month when I have to work late) but he just seems to think that he can't.
Your DH will figure it out, but his way is likely going to be totally different than your way--and that's okay. DD will never fall asleep for me the same way she does for DH, or the same way she does at daycare. We all have figured out what works best for us and we go with that.
I like PP's suggestion of getting creative--can your DH wear LO in a carrier? Go for a walk with a stroller? Take a ride in the car? Does LO respond well to white noise (we spent hours in our bathroom because the sound of the fan really relaxed DD when she was small). Will your LO sleep in a swing? Or...does LO have to go to bed at the same time when you're not home? DD does not go to sleep at the same time when I'm home as when I'm not...if she and DH are on their own she falls asleep at least an hour later. We just go with it and don't try to force the issue...because then it turns into a power struggle.
Sorry...I know how frustrating it is. But you'll figure it out and LO will sleep for daddy eventually!
Baby and Daddy need more time together for bonding. More feeding. More crying sessions. More frustration. More opportunity for him to have an aha moment.
Daddy play group. Our kindermusic and similar classes have more dads with with LOs than moms on Saturday AM classes.