I used to love kids...

danieleandwayne

... now I don't want to be anywhere near them. I just came back from a last-minute cake-and-ice cream visit to my sister-in-law's (I am not a huge fan of her) because it's my nephew's birthday. I hate that he came running up to me and gave me one of those leaping hugs where he clings on for a while with his little arms all tight around my neck. 

Then he was playing in his gift bag, since it was as big as he is. 

I've just gotten to the point where it breaks my heart to have to try and behave the way I've always done with kids-- it just rubs it in that I don't have one of my own to behave all silly and fun around/with. 

It's all I can do not to cry around them. 

I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this............

.........................and I hate what it's doing to me even more. 

lindaeverly

Awe man!!!!  I know that it's hard to put on a happy face all the time!  Sorry!  ((hugs))

Tigger & pooh

I am so sorry.  It isn't fair to go through what you are right now.  

winidpu

I could have written your post. I think so many of us could have. It's just so very unfair to go through this month after month. I totally get it and can relate when you say that you hate what IF is doing to you. It am not the same person I was 2 years ago and if I was super honest w/ myself then I would have to say I don't like myself most of the time. Just sad all around. You are so entitled to feel the way you do. We're being cheated out of something that most women take for granted. I would like to think this whole process will make us better people in the end and we'll appreciate our children that much more when/if we do finally have a child/children. Hang in there.

10-4LilBuddy

I am so sorry sweetie.  ((hugs))  

IF has definitely f'ed with me, my sense of being, and my heart.  It is entirely arbitrary, fickle, and boundlessly unfair. 

owlprof

10-4LilBuddy:

I am so sorry sweetie.  ((hugs))  

IF has definitely f'ed with me, my sense of being, and my heart.  It is entirely arbitrary, fickle, and boundlessly unfair. 

Yep, totally agree.  I am sorry you are feeling lousy, but we are here for you 100%.

Llamamama

I am so sorry... CD1 is always the worst and having to go to a child's party on that day is torture.  Big hugs to you...

arevere

I'm sorry, it just sucks. There's no way to get around it. I'm about to go on a week long vacation with DH's family and our 5 nieces and nephews. I love them, but it breaks my heart to be around them. They are fun and loud and crazy, and I feel like a sad lump around them. Plus my sisters-in-law just pity me. 

I'm sorry you're going through this. We're here for you. 

danieleandwayne

Thanks, Ladies.

I am now sitting around, waiting for AF to actually appear. Everything is in place-- cranky mood, mild cramping, rainy weather so I'll be cooped up inside (you know, in case my natural cranky isn't enough), and FF telling me to test because I might be pregnant (just to put me over the edge so I'll snap at MH when he walks in the door)...

The only thing that's missing is some nasty-arse junk food like a greasy burger or some pizza or a burrito.

I gotta get my cranky out before this weekend-- we're going to be hanging out with some of MH's cousins and they all have kids (even one by *gasp* mistake!)...

 

BeckyP005

Hugs!! I hear ya. 

It's never easy but I think I'm getting a little better. I used to fuss over every child I'd see before dealing with IF then got very bitter and now I'm getting tired of being such a mean person about kids that I have been trying harder not to be. Easier said then done...I know I hate the person I have become over this crap.

MrsTRAV

::big hugs::