Shyness and manners?

yankeebear

DD was very social as a baby and toddler and never had a problem speaking with adults but lately she has been becoming increasingly shy even around family.  I was very shy as a child so I understand it. 

My concern now is that when people give her compliments or say nice things to her she won't say "Thank You" or respond at all.  I'm not one to force my child to say or do things against her will, but I know that she isn't responding just because she is being shy.  And it makes me fear that people will think that she doesn't have proper manners.

When I speak to her about it she gets really upset.  Should I just leave her alone and hope she grows out of it?  Any ways to encourage children to break out of this shyness?

the_jackpot

I think I would require her to say "thank you" it teaches her that social expectations are that you acknowledge a compliment.

KathrynMD

are these adults she knows or strangers? 

yankeebear

KathrynMD:

are these adults she knows or strangers? 

Only adults she knows.  I would never expect her to speak to strangers.

KathrynMD

yankeebear:

KathrynMD:

are these adults she knows or strangers? 

Only adults she knows.  I would never expect her to speak to strangers.

that does seem kinda weird.  DD is OK w/ saying TY about 1/2 the time and does w/o prompting, but if she makes a fuss or flat out refuses for whatever reason, I just do it for her and make it a very loud dramatic TY.  I want to make the point that you need to thank people/acknowledge them, etc. but when I put her on the spot about it, it just makes me nervous and stressed so it kinda defeats the purpose.  I know this annoys my mom that I don't force DD to do this, but so be it.

roxy_jj

I have the same exact situation with my daughter.  I've talked to her about saying thank you when someone says something nice to her, she still gets very nervous and will only sometimes squeak out a very quiet thank you.  I just keep reminding her that when someone says something nice to her or gives her something, she should say thank you.  I don't want to make too big of a deal about it, it only makes her more shy.  I'm hoping she eventually gets it.  I too was extremely shy and I eventually got better about saying thank you.  

Jen&Len

We have the same problem with DS.  Unless he is absolutely comfortable with the person, he won't say hi, bye or thank you to them (or anything at all).  If I can get him to do it, it's a really soft thank you.  I try not to make him do it out of the blue because he clams up and absolutely will not say it.  But if I know beforehand that I want him to say thank you (for example, at the end of a birthday party to the host parents), I will talk to him beforehand about it and I find that when he's prepared, he will do it willingly.

shouldbworkin

DS was like that up until about 6 and then he came out of his shell.  He had a lot of fears of strangers up until that point and DD does now too.  I didn't push it, I just asked him to respond appropriately.  If he didn't, I explained that he is slow to warm some times.  I tried not to say he was shy b/c I didn't want him to think he was shy.  IME, there's really no forcing this, but it is good to keep attempting it until they get it.

As for family, I would try and have a talk about it to see if you can get to the heart of the problem.  If it's something like not wanting to stop playing to say goodbye, then I'd explain why it's important to do it.  Kind of like how you have to explain to them why they need to say thank you after they open a bday gift. If you don't tell them and explain it, they won't know to do it.