SIL vent (long, sorry)

jhenrie

ok, i know im being childish and silly, but this girl irks me.  dh and i have been married for three years now, we just recently got dh into a stable engineering job and moved into a beautiful new home that we plan on keeping for the next thirty years.  we announced at the end of march that we were pregnant, the first bio grandkid in the family.  bil and sil got married about a week after we announced and four weeks later announced they were pregnant too, wedding night baby.  now, while i was a little disappointed to have some of my baby thunder stolen, i am happy for them.  they have had two miscarriages already, she has a brain tumor, and is considered very high risk.  she also has a five year old from a previous marriage, so shes done the pregnancy thing before.  so according to our due dates she is ten weeks behind me.  i am getting to the really exciting time where we are finding out the sex and the baby is really beginning to move a lot.  well, now shes getting an amnio done to determine the sex two months early.  and shes claiming to feel movement already, i know second time moms feel stuff earlier, but ten weeks seems really early.  it just seems like shes trying to keep up or one up me through everything.  well, finally i took her off my newsfeed on facebook because shes just ridiculous and i didnt want to see all her posts.  but occassionally i go back to her site to see what shes up to.  last night i posted about movement and trying to get the baby to move so my dh could feel again.  this morning i saw a post on her facebook complaining about someone else posting right after her and trying to keep up with her.  i just laughed.  get over yourself, lady.  im actually at the point in my pregnancy where im feeling things, and im a ftm so im pumped and post about everything.  ugh.  she just irks me.  i needed to get it out.  thanks for listening.

Olivebeinmamma

SILs can be a pain in the butt right?! Ugh! I feel the same way and mine isn't even pregnant! But she's had three boys so she knows everything! Very annoying!

candy4steve

Olivebeinmamma:

SILs can be a pain in the butt right?! Ugh! I feel the same way and mine isn't even pregnant! But she's had three boys so she knows everything! Very annoying!

This!

My SIL thinks she knows it all, too since she had two kids already but she is an awful mom.  OP pregnancy brain has made me forget who posted originally. I'm sorry. I was going to say it seems like your SIL is going to great lengths to stay steady with you.  I mean early amnio just to find out the sex seems extreme.  She should just wait it out.  She is probably going to be foaming at the mouth when the time comes for your showers.  Hope she gets it together before then!

nealbl

ok I know you admitted that this is childish and I am assuming that there may be a backstory as to other things she has done to irk you which is why this is irking you so bad too.

As someone who has had multiple M/Cs, even though this will be my second child, having a pregnancy that seems to be going well is just as exciting as a first pregnancy. Your SIL may or may not be feeling movement but probably wants to believe she is. I can't tell you how scary it is being pregnant after you have lost babies, especially since she is considered high risk. Also lots of people now find out the sex early and she may be doing the Amnio due to her high risk and decided why not find out the sex too.

Embrace it and share it with her. I loved having someone to be pregnant with b/c I felt they were the only ones that really understood stuff I was feeling and talking about. She may really like having you to lean on and talk about stuff with too.

I agree her FB comment, if directed at you, is dumb but maybe she can sense your tension towards her.

ladeebri

nealbl:

ok I know you admitted that this is childish and I am assuming that there may be a backstory as to other things she has done to irk you which is why this is irking you so bad too.

As someone who has had multiple M/Cs, even though this will be my second child, having a pregnancy that seems to be going well is just as exciting as a first pregnancy. Your SIL may or may not be feeling movement but probably wants to believe she is. I can't tell you how scary it is being pregnant after you have lost babies, especially since she is considered high risk. Also lots of people now find out the sex early and she may be doing the Amnio due to her high risk and decided why not find out the sex too.

Embrace it and share it with her. I loved having someone to be pregnant with b/c I felt they were the only ones that really understood stuff I was feeling and talking about. She may really like having you to lean on and talk about stuff with too.

I agree her FB comment, if directed at you, is dumb but maybe she can sense your tension towards her.

Well said!

My SIL is pretty sensitive about the fact that her and BIL had to do IVF because they both have fertility issues and had to get a sperm donor. When we see them at family events  we've learned you can't let comments like "DS is a spitting image of FIL" slip because it upsets them. So I try to be mindful of that. I thought with this pregnancy there wouldn't be any weirdness between her and I seeing she has 3 kids and they are done... But all 3 kids' birthdays are within a month...we've been invited to every party except this one. I really can't imagine why, but I really hope it's not because I'm pregnant.

RockyMtnMama

I do think you're taking this too personally.  She might be a twit who actually posted something about you on facebook or maybe she has a coworker who is annoying her.  Either way, you are making this as much of a competition as she is. 

An amnio is also very serious - most likely she is looking for more advanced issues than just the gender, so I would support her from that angle.  Her finding out the gender or feeling the baby kick or even having a bigger, fancier shower than you does not mean that people are less excited or happy to hear your first-time mom news.  Kill her with kindness and she'll have nothing to say against you. 

pinitbaby

Well, she is your sil and you're kinda stuck with her no matter what because that baby will always be her niece or nephew..however I totally see your frustration. We were pregnant after my bil/sil became pregnant but we were going to tell hubbys parents first, well they beat us to the punch and I have to be honest that its taken away from my 'thunder' lol and my other sil has become a head case lately because of her hubby going through a crisis and she refuses to seek help so we're all kind of giving up on her because this pity party crap is getting ridiculous.

Is she only having the amnio to find out the gender?? Thats a little extreme if that procedure is just for that.

You have to step up and be the bigger person and just take all her crap with a grain of salt. You know her better than say some of her fb friends and you can see right through her and thats what makes it worse. Try to do something with her maybe? Go buy a few baby items together, maybe she just feels jealous of you and feels the need to put herself out there to be noticed?

CraftyKayla

My future SIL threw the biggest fit when we told her we were having a baby (the first grandchild in SO's family). She didn't talk to us for a month, and just bitched about it to the rest of the family, and told them not to talk about it in front of her. I was so pissed, because I have been nothing but nice to her and she acted like that. She's been married for 4 years, is 27 years old, and hasn't even started trying because we're all going to Vegas in August and she thinks she's automatically going to get pregnant on her first try. She said that everyone was supposed to wait for her because she's the oldest and is supposed to get the keepsakes SO's mom has for the first grandchild.... My vent is over. Just sayin' I feel ya on the SIL issues.