Not a shower, but is this tacky?

aec22

Even though this isn't about a baby shower, I like the ladies on this board and generally agree with what is said here. So here it goes; DH just graduated from nursing school and has been invited to a couple of his classmates' parties. One woman sent out an invite on FB (which I think is a little tacky) and this is what it says; 

Two years of nursing school has been hard on my family and I, especially when it came to food... They are tired of frozen food...and I need new ideas to cook for my family!!! So, we are asking if each of you could make one of your favorite dishes to the party either hot dish or dessert to share and then write the recipe on an Index card and place it in the box for me to add to my cook book. Thank you, can't wait to see you all and celebrate this milestone blessing!

FWIW, it is at a park from 3-7pm and there is no other info about food- i.e. if she is providing a main dish or anything. To me this kind of seems like a cutesy way of saying "I don't want to/can't afford to provide food for everyone so if you all could bring something that would be great". In my opinion, if you are throwing a party for yourself or a loved one then YOU provide the majority of the food. At least that is normally how it is done in my family/circle of friends. The only exception is when someone has a BBQ/picnic. Then the host normally provides the main dishes and a few sides while some people might bring a dessert or appetizer- but most of the food is still provided by the host.

Am I off base in thinking this is tacky? Things have been very tight around here and I would have loved to be able to throw a party to celebrate DH's accomplishment and hard work. But, we can't afford to feed a bunch of people, so I'm not planning anything because I feel awkward asking/expecting people to provide all/most of the food.

FemShep

I agree with you-tacky. In general, you shouldn't ask guests to subsidize a party, whether with food, a cash bar, or something else.  

Gismo123

I find it tacky to throw a party then expect the guests to bring food. If the person can't afford to have the party then they need to skip it. I only find potlocks non tacky when it's an event for something like church or work....but that's just me.

Aleja0918

aec22:

Am I off base in thinking this is tacky?

No. It's definitely tacky. If she can't afford to purchase food and drinks for guests, she has no business throwing a party in the first place.

PunkyBooster

I'm all about potlucks, but I would sincerely hope she is providing beverages (preferably the alcoholic variety), a main dish, and/or, well, everything else.

MelleTX

Tacky!

I am ok with a potluck, if it is truly that. Usually potlucks are not to honor one person - they are general get-togethers.  

LorMor

She's inviting people who have just gone through the same thing as her - ie her graduating class, so it's not like she is specially deserving of special gifts/attention etc. How odd.

rhubarb123

For me, the way it was "requested" was tacky.  I would have no problem if it was just stated that they were having a potluck get-together to celebrate the graduation from nursing school. 

We have an annual BBQ and for the frist two I made ALL the food and drink but everyone brought food anyway...so a lot went to waste.  Now I only do the meats and a couple of sides.  We also have an annual Christmas party with appetizers only.  Same thing happened.  Now we just ask them to bring their favorite appetizer and we supply the drinks...plus I made a few "heavy" apps. 

BTW...we also only supply soft drinks, beer and wine.  If people want hard liquor above our meager selection in the cupboard they need to bring their own (and they know this).  Most people opt for the beer (some even bring their own favorties).  lol

EastCoastBride

rhubarb123:

For me, the way it was "requested" was tacky.  I would have no problem if it was just stated that they were having a potluck get-together to celebrate the graduation from nursing school. 

We have an annual BBQ and for the frist two I made ALL the food and drink but everyone brought food anyway...so a lot went to waste.  Now I only do the meats and a couple of sides.  We also have an annual Christmas party with appetizers only.  Same thing happened.  Now we just ask them to bring their favorite appetizer and we supply the drinks...plus I made a few "heavy" apps. 

Basically this.  WHenever we have a party, we end up w/ SO MUCH FOOD because everyone brings something even when we don't ask. 

As everyone is in the same boat w/ this party, I do feel she could have worded it differently/ better.  But big picture, this isn't something I'd be annoyed at.

sosoph

LorMor:

She's inviting people who have just gone through the same thing as her - ie her graduating class, so it's not like she is specially deserving of special gifts/attention etc. How odd.

As a graduate student, I have to say that pot-lucks are understood as the way it's going to be unless otherwise specified. (Since I had a career before attending grad school, it took me a while to catch on to this so I see what you ladies are seeing) After 2 years of school together, she's probably just acting as the coordinator for a gathering that people discussed in person. It's not exactly the same thing as a hosting a family graduation luncheon. She then blurred the event with the recipe request which is the odd part, but it's not the end of the world.

MsAlphaBee123

Horrible- You don't ask people to bring food to a party in honor of someone/life event where there is a guest of honor. You can ask if its a holiday bbq or informal family picnic or something like that but NOT a graduation party, birthday party, shower etc. TACKY. 

Minipenguin

The food thing is weird. The recipe thing seems fine. Who has a "bring your own food" party?

And what if no one brings anything normal and she ends up with 3 types of frog legs and a bowl of sauteed fish eyes?

BeckyTheEngineer

I have no problem with this at all.  I might even be flattered that she thinks enough of my cooking to want my recipe.  But since you are so offended, you do have the option to stay home.

clineak

I agree that it's tacky, although it's making a comback--you know how potluck style weddings used to be all the rage? IMO, though, if you can't afford the party yourself, don't throw it. All that being said, if it's one of your H's good friends, I'd probably suck it up, make something, and go.

jburdet1

This is horrible. I'm all for potlucks as get togethers, reunions and such but as a party to honor/celebrate one person its very tacky and inappropriate. I'm not surprised because I recently heard on FB of a potluck Baptism :S

amb5353

I agree its tacky. If she had worded it differently she might have gotten away with it. Like if she had said in celebration of our graduation we are going to have a recipe swap party. So bring your favorite dish an a couple copies of the recipes.

Lou&Beth

This might just be a cultural thing....but by me if there is a party, it's customary to bring something either drinks or a side dish or dessert. Not tacky at all in my experience, that's just how things are done in my circle of friends and with my family.

RoxyLynn

Her husband is incapable of doing anything other than re-heating?

The host provides the food.  Done.

mlangs

I love that it specifically states hot-dish or dessert... this woman isn't wanting sides or salads. I don't think she is providing any food at all.

BarbourWales04

BeckyTheEngineer:

I have no problem with this at all.  I might even be flattered that she thinks enough of my cooking to want my recipe.  But since you are so offended, you do have the option to stay home.

This. My family/ friends do this all the time- for showers and baptisms, mostly. Sometimes, we do cookie swaps. It works out pretty well, because more people than just the hostess normally end up with recipes. Some of the best stuff I cook or the best desserts I make have come from those types of parties, where I didn't host.

If it were me, I'd attend to socialize and bring the recipe- as well as a small notebook. If you find anything you like, you can always ask the hostess to copy the recipe