Rude comments about #3

CaitlinJ22

I was at Old Navy with the kids. DS was standing in front of the stroller making DD laugh. He pulled on her feet and fell backwards and hit his head on the cement floor. Of course he started screaming badly as I heard the fall and it was loud.

I go to him. A women comes over (i thought she was there to see if he was ok) she is standing 3 feet from us, she then says (while he is screaming) "what's their age difference?" in a nasty way. I look at her and dont answer as Finn is still screaming and hugging me. I stall for a bit and dont talk to her thinking she would leave. I get him on the stroller, get him a drink etc. She is stiill standing there...she says again in a more nasty voice "so you have two close in age and you are having another one??"

At that point I knew I didnt want to scream in front of my kids or be really rude back (since I was SO ready to tell her to leave) so I just said "Im sorry, but Im just trying to console my son here" and she looked at me and said "fine, whatever" and walked away. 

People think because they see a belly and 2 little kids that they can say whatever they want. I am so done with the comments. I live in a town where many people have kids close in age...why do I get all the comments?

One day a few months ago I was in the grocery store and the kids were happy in the cart singing. An older woman comes near me, grabs cereral from the shelf and says "ANOTHER one??" and looks right at my belly....I didnt even know she was talking to me until she was walking away. SERIOUSLY?!?

I am so tired, hormonal, cranky and ready to not be pregnant anymore...don't mess with me right now. Baby's are blessings, even if I have an opinion about the amount of kids someone has or how close in age I would NEVER say it to them. 

Anyone else get really rude comments? How do you handle it? (I want to hear from moms who have more than 3 too, I cant imagine what you all get from people). 

 

Daisy22

It's great fun. Either I get the wow another one or I'm sorry it's another boy. Drives me crazy. No advice. I try to ignore it as best I can then complain to dh

cari12

Ugh, she sucks. I'm so sorry. People have no filter.

I have a 2.5 and 1.5 year old and am about to pop out #3 but haven't really gotten any stranger comments yet. Though I tend to do most of my errand running alone and also spent several weeks on bed rest and just have been carrying much smaller this time. I just recently started getting comments on being pregnant in general from strangers. I'm sure if I was out more and carrying more obviously I'd have heard a few tactless remarks by now too.

As hard as it is, just ignore them. Some people have no filter and it sucks but they're the ones who look like idiots IMO.

CaitlinJ22

cari12:

Ugh, she sucks. I'm so sorry. People have no filter.

I have a 2.5 and 1.5 year old and am about to pop out #3 but haven't really gotten any stranger comments yet. Though I tend to do most of my errand running alone and also spent several weeks on bed rest and just have been carrying much smaller this time. I just recently started getting comments on being pregnant in general from strangers. I'm sure if I was out more and carrying more obviously I'd have heard a few tactless remarks by now too.

As hard as it is, just ignore them. Some people have no filter and it sucks but they're the ones who look like idiots IMO.

Maybe thats it. DH is gone for 3 weeks at a time, and so I have to take the kids out with me everywhere. Plus we arent the time to stay inside, so each day we go somewhere, playground, to lunch, gymboree etc. People see me with 2 small kids and a huge belly and say whatever they want....heck they did it as soon as I was showing!!! 

firsttogo

1. Ignore!

2. Maybe I am jaded from having my second and third 9.5 months apart, but I don't bat an eye at an 18 month to two year age difference!  You are doing fine, and the spacing of your kiddos is your business and no one elses! What a nerve! 

dmfan897

I hear ya..usually it's the younger people who have rude comments, to me at least. Older people always tell me how blessed I am or that I'm doing things the right way. 3 kids is considered a large family in some places and things outside the norm attract more attention. I personally get a lot of "I hope this one is a boy" lol. I just smile and make my exit. Sorry that lady was a b

saturdaynightdoubletree

Try to brush it off the best you can. I remember getting all those comments when I was pg with #2. People are stupid and ruthless. When they really bug you... just say "So I like having sex! What's the big deal!" It should make them embarrassed enough to walk away. My grandmother had 7 kids, and that was what she told people

CaitlinJ22

saturdaynightdoubletree:

Try to brush it off the best you can. I remember getting all those comments when I was pg with #2. People are stupid and ruthless. When they really bug you... just say "So I like having sex! What's the big deal!" It should make them embarrassed enough to walk away. My grandmother had 7 kids, and that was what she told people

Your grandmother sounds like my type of lady  

Under.the.Rose

I will never understand how someone can walk up to a family and tell them that one (or more) of them shouldn't exist. 

CaitlinJ22

Under.the.Rose:

I will never understand how someone can walk up to a family and tell them that one (or more) of them shouldn't exist. 

very poignant. very true, thank you. 

Quiverfull Momma

We are expecting #10, our eldest is 15.  When this one arrives our youngest 5 will be 5 and under.  I've heard them ALL, every time I set foot out of the house.  Over the years I've come up with a few comebacks that either leave them smiling, scratching their heads, or at least leave me smiling as they storm away LOL!  My favorite is "Don't you know what causes that?"  to which my fav reply is "I do, would you also like to know which position I prefer?"  Or the ever-common "Is your husband getting fixed after this one?"  "No, clearly nothing's broken!"  The "Better you than me!" is often met with "I'm sure you're right about that!" and the "You've got your hands full" is answered with "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart":)

MammaBear81

I've been there, done that, multiple times!  I don't think it gets any better (at least for me).  It's bad when someone makes comments when one of the kids is acting up, because they make me feel that if I didn't have so many kids they wouldn't misbehave, but I KNOW that no matter how many (or few) kids you have no one is perfect 100% of the time and there will be public displays of bad behavior.

Kids get upset, they whine every now and then, and there is a meltdown on occasion, but it irks me that no one comments to the parent who lets their one child run up and down the restaurant aisles, but everyone stares at me as I walk MY child outside for a time out because they didn't use their "inside voice" at the table.

I'll also say that it bothers me when people feel sorry for me for having this many kids, as if it wasn't our choice.  they have the mindset of "why on earth would any one want more than one or two kids?!"  My kids are awesome, and I love them to death, why would you even insinuate that I wish I didn't have any of them?

Generally I smile and nod, but if someone is really nasty to me I'll respond with a smart @$$ comment.  I always try to remember the good comments that come along, there are some people out there that do recognize that large family are good, and tell me how wonderful they are, I really appreciate those!

Wow this turned into a HUGE vent! Sorry to side track your post!

carig63

Quiverfull Momma:

My favorite is "Don't you know what causes that?"  to which my fav reply is "I do, would you also like to know which position I prefer?"  Or the ever-common "Is your husband getting fixed after this one?"  "No, clearly nothing's broken!"  The "Better you than me!" is often met with "I'm sure you're right about that!" and the "You've got your hands full" is answered with "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart":)

I only have one (for now), but I want to write these down and commit them to memory. They're great, and so genuine! Love it!

itsmevkb

I've got three and am pregnant with my fourth and I do get some "oh my gosh, you're having ANOTHER" type comments but I normally take those in stride and respond with humor like "yep, we're crazy like that" or "these three are so great we figured why not add another."  For the most part though I assume their comments aren't really said with malice, more with a tone of wow, you guys are taking on a lot.  And you know what?  We are.  The reality is that having kids is hard work and the majority of people aren't interested in taking on that much responsibility and that's fine.  I think those that choose to judge tend to be people who know they never could have handled it so their comments are really more abou themselves than about me and my family.

To give you some hope I'll tell you a good story.  Saturday we took the kids out for breakfast and an older lady came over to our booth and said to me "Dear, you have such a beautiful family.  Your children are amazing and so well behaved.  God bless you all."  So, sometimes it can go the other way as well.

KacieLeigh

itsmevkb:

I've got three and am pregnant with my fourth and I do get some "oh my gosh, you're having ANOTHER" type comments but I normally take those in stride and respond with humor like "yep, we're crazy like that" or "these three are so great we figured why not add another."  For the most part though I assume their comments aren't really said with malice, more with a tone of wow, you guys are taking on a lot.  And you know what?  We are.  The reality is that having kids is hard work and the majority of people aren't interested in taking on that much responsibility and that's fine.  I think those that choose to judge tend to be people who know they never could have handled it so their comments are really more abou themselves than about me and my family.

 

I couldn't have said that any better myself.  I think most of them are just shocked that we are WILLING to take on "so much" to have more kids.  I just always look at how short-term the really difficult young ages are.  I know I'll never, ever regret having any of my children - but would I regret not having one more if it was what my heart really desired?    My MIL has 4 (one with severe disabilities) and she said that she never really felt "done" and regrets not having more.  

 

caymanbride

Yes, this happens to me all the time. My boys are 3 and 1 (will be 4 and 2 in July) and Baby Girl is due in Aug. People are like "AGAIN?" when they see my belly, heard I was pregnant, etc...It's super rude and annoying, and I basically ignore it.

etude de la vie

We all get comments like these. I have gotten a few "is that even healthy" comments or they just assume we are low income because I am young very petite (healthy comments) and short. 

People who are one and done (like my SIL) also feel stigmatized by society too. I guess the unfamiliar is always what's judged.  

MammaBear81

etude de la vie:

We all get comments like these. I have gotten a few "is that even healthy" comments or they just assume we are low income because I am young very petite (healthy comments) and short. 

People who are one and done (like my SIL) also feel stigmatized by society too. I guess the unfamiliar is always what's judged.  

I agree with this, if your goal in life isn't to have two kids (one boy and one girl to be exact) then you are not the "norm" and you are shunned in a way. 

To digress a bit, I had DS1 (great the quintessential male child that every one needs to complete a family)  Then I had DS2, (oh bummer, I didn't have a girl, that means I'll have to go for three, which is crazy but you have to have that girl right?)  Then comes DD1 (WONDERFUL, you have your complete family, you've got an extra boy, but you can stop having kids now that you have one of each sex). OK, moving along to DD2 (WTF?  why are you having ANOTHER, you already have 3 that wasn't enough!  Did you plan this one?) And finally DS3 (Do you know how to use birth control? Why on earth would you make your family any bigger, you have two of each, why more?)

OK, maybe that's just how MY life went   But really I do get comments on how wonderful they are, and I try to hang on to those.  I'm learning to love the "bless your soul" comments (usually from old ladies) because I know they are a comment, they just don't feel like one!

shortstuff15

MammaBear81:

etude de la vie:

We all get comments like these. I have gotten a few "is that even healthy" comments or they just assume we are low income because I am young very petite (healthy comments) and short. 

People who are one and done (like my SIL) also feel stigmatized by society too. I guess the unfamiliar is always what's judged.  

I agree with this, if your goal in life isn't to have two kids (one boy and one girl to be exact) then you are not the "norm" and you are shunned in a way. 

To digress a bit, I had DS1 (great the quintessential male child that every one needs to complete a family)  Then I had DS2, (oh bummer, I didn't have a girl, that means I'll have to go for three, which is crazy but you have to have that girl right?)  Then comes DD1 (WONDERFUL, you have your complete family, you've got an extra boy, but you can stop having kids now that you have one of each sex). OK, moving along to DD2 (WTF?  why are you having ANOTHER, you already have 3 that wasn't enough!  Did you plan this one?) And finally DS3 (Do you know how to use birth control? Why on earth would you make your family any bigger, you have two of each, why more?)

OK, maybe that's just how MY life went   But really I do get comments on how wonderful they are, and I try to hang on to those.  I'm learning to love the "bless your soul" comments (usually from old ladies) because I know they are a comment, they just don't feel like one!

I can see this to be how my life will go too.  My family is fine with more kids (I have 3 siblings and my sister has 4 girls so more kids is more the norm with us) but my in-laws are mostly 2, maybe 3, kid families.  When we found out #2 was another girl most of them asked if we would try for a boy after that.  When we said that we weren't done yet anyway most of them were pretty shocked.  When we said we would probably have 6 kids they were even more shocked.  If we do end up having a boy next (whenever next will be) then I'm thinking most of them will try and convince us to stop because our family will be "complete" in their eyes.

Venus04d

People absolutely suck. I don't usually get the comments until people find out it's twins. "Better you than me", "Don't you know what causes that", and the shocked and terrified "what are you going to do??" Well, I'm going to raise them, jackhole. It's not like we took some sort of twin miracle grow. It's not our fault, and it's nothing short of a blessing. Ignore them. Give a short retort, they'll just blame it on your crazed pregnant lady, mommy brain.