Behavior Concerns :/

Jamie1111

**I didn't search this board much, so I appologize in advance in there are already  posts involving these issues...also, this is long....

My daugther is 4.5 years old. We have 3 main concerns that have been consistent behaviors of her's for a while now, and nothing we've been doing helps to change them. I also have an almost 3 yr old and a 6 week old. These behaviors have been consistent well before the baby was here.

1- DD will touch things that are not hers (and not always ours.) We tell her that it usually will be fine for her to see or hold something that isn't hers, but she just has to ask first. I know that she's just extremely curious and likes to investigate EVERYTHING, but I'm afraid that one time she'll get hurt. Here is the worst example of this that we've experienced: My husband, two daughters, and I were in the furniture store for quite a while one night. The girls were sitting on a couch watching a movie. DD came over holding a piece of gum and said it tasted funny. She went into the saleswoman's purse and took a piece of her nicorette gum.

 2. She doesn't follow rules that we've set or listen to things we tell her. The biggest example of this is picking things up off of the ground. Ex: "do not pick things up off of the ground while we are out." picks up an empty juicebox next to a trashcan oustide of a store.

3. She lies. Example: I found hand santitizer that had been squirt out onto the table. ( There is a bottle on each end table bc we have a new baby and have had lots of visitors.) She immediately said that her sister did it. I had a feeling DD #1 did it, but since I didn't see it, I asked. (DD #2 pretty much follows every rule, and I don't think she knows how to lie.) I asked her to please think about her answer because whoever did it will have time out, and the wrong person shouldn't get time out. She said with confidence, "Nope. Wasn't me." Her sister cried, and she finally admitted it was her.

I wonder how much of these behaviors are "because she is 4.5" and how much of this is because we have real behavior issues on our hands. Her teachers say that she is great in school and is a little helper. Her behavior is usually great in public places - church, shopping, family parties. She's great at doing "jobs" for me and helping with dinner/baking. She (I think) too often does whatever she wants, and she doesn't seem very affected by timeout, having her favorite things taken, or missing out on treats.

 I'm sorry this is so long - I just feel like I'm either screwing up big time and letting too much time pass OR completely over-analyzing all of this. Thank you SO much for any thoughts or advice you may have.

Littlejen22

#2 and 3 are common but #1 would concern me. 

jlw2505

#1 concerns me but #2 and #3 sounds liek any other child this age.  Kids want to do the right thing but they are curious and they don't always know right from wrong.  Kids lie - it is just something that happens at around this age.  I have a 4 year old and an almost 6 year odl (next month).  They lie.  My 4 year old will stick to her lie forever but my 6 year old will typically tell me the truth if questioned.  My almost 6 year old has ADHD and she has never gone through someones purse and I would never call that an ADHD trait per the PP comment.  ADHD kids can be impulse but going through someone's purse is not impulse.  I personally would come up with rules and consequences and then be 100% consistent with those.  In our house, we have a few no tolerence things such as lieing and hitting.  If you do either of those, you lose something - no questions asked.  If we have caught either of the girls in a lie, they get one chance to tell the truth.  WE also word things in ways that ensure that they give an answer - tell me the truth or what happened but we take details from what we know happened and use that in our questions.  We also give logical consequences to the actions.  We use a lot of the methods from 1 2 3 Magic and Parenting with Love and Logic.  Again, other than going into someone's purse, these sound like normal stages that will pass as long as they are consistently addressed now.