The question was finally asked...

mom22labs

Well today I had my first "when are you going to start having babies" comment!  I couldn't believe it, and it came out of no where.  I am at my desk working and in comes a coworker that I have know for years, but she doesn't know about any of my losses.  She asks me "when are you going to start having babies so we can oooh and ahhhh at your little ones?"  My brother also works with me and he has 5 children!  Isn't that enough for everyone ?!?  Kidding, but anyway it caught me off guard.  Especially coming from her, she had multiple losses a long time ago without a take home baby   She is probably about 60 yrs old now.  I guess I'm just shocked and a little bothered that it was her to ask that.  She should know better out of all people!  I didn't know what to say and didn't feel like explaining my whole story to her.  So I just said, "I don't have an answer for you, sorry!"  Kinda snippy but WTH?

Thanks for listening.

Laurakat81

I think you handled her very well. I can't believe she said that...I definitely hold women who've had losses to a higher standard. She should have known better!

baby&thesea

Seriously, that's one of the hardest questions. I have to restrain myself from spewing out our whole story because when people ask I want to share a little piece of my sadness and anger with them. But, I refrain, for fear of their responses. I'm generally just evasive with a "not yet!" I recently had someone start in on me with the whole "aren't you glad you're not pregnant..." thing and I stayed silent and then changed the subject. I'm not sure I'll have that much restraint next time!

 I'm so sorry you had to deal with that stupid question! 

Elle jM

Last time I was asked that, it was on CD1.  I whipped out a tampon, and said "well I can safely say not today".  Uh, I hate stupid people!  Sorry you had to deal with that.

DaisyZH

I think you handled her very well.  I'm sorry that she was so insensitive to you, especially in light of her history.  (( Hugs )) You dealt with her very gracefully.

EKGibs

(((hugs)))

HopingforChange

Laurakat81:

I think you handled her very well. I can't believe she said that...I definitely hold women who've had losses to a higher standard. She should have known better!

I agree with Laurakat completely.  I am sorry.

medblais

I get that from coworkers also- "When are you going to start making babies" because ya know, I had a baby and she died less than a year ago. How about you f off. And I work with someone who also lost a child (totally different circumstance, but any child loss pain I feel should make someone more considerate and sensitive to others who experience child loss) who confronted me soon after I returned to work because she thought there was a problem because I did not smile at her or respond enough to her passing comments in the hallway. Seriously?

edinger3

Good job handling that!  My usual answer to that question is "When I get pregnant".  That usually shuts people up.

Luey22

KUDOS to you for standing strong, that question always stings, makes me want to come straight out and say "when i can get pregnant, and stay pregnant" that would pretty much shock anyone! But then I decide to just be nice...and smile.