I have a pregnant 8th grader in class

rlyttle

I'm a teacher & one of my 8th graders is pregnant. Rumor is this is her 2nd pregnancy and she got an abortion the 1st time. She is keeping the baby and is 18 weeks pregnant. She asked me questions all the time about how much things costs and things about babies. Today she asked me about getting a free car seat. I feel for her and I would love to help her, but I'm at a loss. I don't mind talking to her about things at all, that's not it. What would you do? 

Edit- I should add that she doesn't really have much of a home life. I work at a public city school where many of the students have HUGE troubles at home.  

scoutkate

What a sad situation. 

Are you asking if you should help her if you're able?  My answer is yes. 

MrsRoy07

Poor girl!! It sounds to me like she doesn't have anyone to talk to about baby stuff- maybe she doesn't really know anyone else who's had kids. Do you know what her mom/parents think? 

I think it's good that she's asking questions, and I think it's good that she trusts you enough to talk to you about things. But I'd just be wary of giving her "advice" because she's so young and you don't want to step on the parents' toes. Maybe if you talked to her parents, or knew that they'd be okay with you helping her out, then I'd say go ahead and talk to her. 

ETA: Just saw your edit- I say help her. She needs someone to point her in the right direction! 

madamsmurfette

This scares the hell out of me. I have twin nieces currently in 9th grade who are becoming out of control and I just know one of them will end up pregnant before high school graduation.

I'm not sure what you should do. Good luck.

LilyRose28

That's so sad. It really hurts my heart she's asking for a car seat when she won't even be able to legally drive herself for a couple years at least.

Does she seem adamant about keeping the baby? Does she have support at home? Does it seem like she'd be open to counseling about adoption? That would probably be the first route I'd try to take with her.

Ugh, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I don't know what I'd say in that position. 

Tigger & pooh

Does she have good family support?  I would look in your state for parenting classes,  teen mops, WIC,  and any other support group.  Offer to go with her or take her. I honestly would hope at that age she might consider adoption but certainly don't push it with her.  She is going to have a very long road ahead of her.

rlyttle

scoutkate:

What a sad situation. 

Are you asking if you should help her if you're able?  My answer is yes. 

I guess my question is what would be the appropriate help? Buy her stuff? Give her hand-me-downs? I try to tell her about websites/stores/shops & things that helped me through my pregnancy. I'm just at a loss.

MrsRoy07

Inkogneetoh:

How old are you in 8th grade, 14 maybe?!

Can you send her to the school counselor?  Or just someone that she can sit and talk with to discuss all of her options. 

I'm going to be having the sex talk with C when she's 6.

I was thinking about the school counselor too- at least getting their input on how to handle it. 

Heather R

ugh.

Well, since she's continuing the pregnancy, I would help her locate a crisis pregnancy center in your area that can hopefully help her get materials she needs.  I would also direct her to WIC.  Our local twin clubs are awesome with kids' resale twice a year for baby "stuff" and clothes on the cheap.  Maybe your area has some, too.

ugh.

 

 

 

wonkatalia

I would say give her advice, guidance, info about consignment sales and hand-me-downs (if you have them). 

As for the car seat, I was told that the hospital will give you a free car seat if you don't have one when you leave the hospital.  I work at a hospital and it was one of my co-workers that told me that, but I never checked it out.

srs5624

Tritto the school counselor. And maybe some sort of administrator.

I know you have good intentions on wanting to help her... and you're in a unique situation being that she seems to trust you, you're her teacher and she probably won't get much help at home... but you need to cover your ass as well.

 

If you get the all clear, I'd say do whatever you're comfortable with. You don't have to give her your hand-me-downs and buying her stuff would be waaay unexpected. If it were me, call your gyn and see if they have a list of resources available for teen moms. They usually have something like that already assembled that they could share with you.

groovygrl

Refer her to the social worker or counselor, they prob have a lot of connections to social services. if you don't have those types of ppl at your school then I would find a local social service agency that specifically deals with pregnant teens. I would personally not buy her anything or give hand me downs (but maybe give your hand me downs to the agency if she ends up using their services).

 

LilyRose28

Yeah, I personally wouldn't start giving her stuff until you know and are comfortable with the whole situation. The last thing you want is her parents coming after you (even if you're just trying to help, people will turn anything around to make you look like the bad guy). Let the counselors and social workers help direct her at this point.

Shayna0182

My goodness, that's a sad situation to be in.  If you're in Indianapolis, I know Women's Hospital has a policy where they do not send an infant home without a carseat.  One of the nicu nurses told me a little about it when ds was in the nicu.  It might be worth it to her to check out the hospital where she delivers. 

judahsmommy1

I am a fan of Crisis Pregnancy Centers or Pregnancy Resource Centers, and they can be a great resource for baby clothes and sometimes furniture items. I would hesitate to encourage her to look there for a car seat however. Unfortunately, not all CPC's or PRC's have good methods for getting and giving out car seats. I know that some have used grants or are connected with businesses to get free new car seats. Some of them accept used car seats and require that the donor sign something giving an indication of the seats use/condition and they go through a process to do their best to ensure the car seat's safety. Other places accept any and all used car seats and do nothing to ensure the seats safety. An older mom might be able to use good judgement about if the procedures currently in place were acceptable... an 8th grader probably will not. I would suggest she talk to WIC or look into something like the Nurse Family Partnership. (Both great resources anyway!) As far as helping her, I would avoid giving her things outright. (As tempting as I'm sure it is.) But I think it would be great if you could help her find some resources for the things she needs. Just giving non-judgmental support will probably mean a lot to her.

ali_bl-nov05

Everytime I hear a story like this, I feel that I'm failing at some level. Why are we not doing anything to educate these kids on safe sex, on birth control, on the many reasons why they need to be ready before engaging on a sexual relationship, and to prevent them being taken advantage of? (not saying that that is the case, but it happens quite often)

That just breaks my heart.

ougrad1

Oh god...terrible.  I would absolutely talk to her and help her get some things that she qualifies for.  I would also let my principal know that you are helping her out just to make sure all YOUR bases are covered.   

Another thought:  If she doesn't come from a supportive family w/ a stable home, do you really think that this baby is safe and will be well taken care of?  That would be the first thing I would make sure of.

 

 

epopp85

Is there a Margaret Hudson program around you?  Unfortunately, this situation is so common around here that my high school made it an elective hour and partnered with Margaret Hudson.  They provided parenting classes, help getting supplies, and even free daycare as long as the Mom's stayed in the elective. 

The first girl in my personal circle of friends and aquaintances had her first when we were in 8th grade.  Her son was in kindergarden when we were seniors, so they were in the same public school system at the same time.  It's very sad, but very common.

Cheesesticks

poor kid. she's in for a rough ride. nice that she trusts you to talk to you at least, though.

synchrosally

Such a sad situation. I've had pregnant students before in grade 9 I would probably offer any help you can give her: give her advice, refer her to a counselor, help her find services in your area for teen moms. It's hard not to cross the teacher/student boundary, but sometimes you need to stretch it just a bit. 

The school I used to work at had a lot of this, we even had a separate location just for teens who were pregnant. We rounded up some donations one Christmas and gave the moms some school supplies and gifts for their kids. It was pretty heartbreaking. 

+SMACE+

Some states will provide free car seats under their Medicaid program. I'm sure she'd qualify.  

pinkiemo

I don't have any better advice than the PPs, but I think you are doing a great job just be being someone she feels she can comfortably approach with her questions.

 Man, as I recall in 8th grade kissing was like a big deal.  Maybe some over the shirt action.  Either I (and my friends and my school) were the biggest prudes in the world or times they are a-changing. 

hurricanelydiaa

I saw a sign at the doctor's office about free car seats if you can't afford it. I don't really know the details but I think it is tied into Medicaid somehow. Maybe that is something that she could look into.

grr_aargh

Connect her with the car seat testing center people.  In many places, they have a budget to provide car seats to economically disadvantaged people. 

 

 

DreadLoc

The health department for my county offered $20 car seats, all they had to do was attend a car seat safety class.  She's probably going to want to apply for WIC and food stamps too, so if anything happened at home then she can be sure she'll always have a way to feed her and LO.  

Do any high schools in your district have an early childhood education class?  Ours did and it doubled as a free or discounted day care for student's children.  Is she close to any other teachers or staff?  It might be nice to team up and throw her a baby shower and help her out with some essentials that way.

I wish her the best!  One of my friends had three kids by the time she was 16 and I saw how tough it was for her and I think it's great you want to help her rather than judge her. 

lady3057

I would give all the help I could. Without overwhelming myself. I would reseach wic and low income center for her. And if she doesnt have anybody to take her then I would but ask her about her family. Im a teacher and I go the extra mile for students in need. I would check local hospitals about car seat. I would also look in to the fathers family. good luck. I alway tell my studentd if thete is a problem if you cant tell your parents they can always talk to a teacher. We as teachers are a safe zone for are kids.

JoannaJes

I would tell the school social worker. If you don't have one just for the school, there is probably one employed by the district. They will have all of this information already...that is their job. 

There might also be a certain program just for pregnant students and new parents. I've heard of homebound programs that bring the school work to the girls so that they can recover from birth but not drop out.

My main point is that don't do this on your own. The school needs to know, and there are other people that can help her. 

Kitiara5512

I would discuss with administration first to be sure you dont get fired for overstepping bounds and find out what the limits are. Then I would help as much as I can within those limits.

veronicacorningstone

That's so sad.  It's great that she trusts you and comes to you for advice, but like others said, I would check with the guidance counselor.  Hopefully there's something you can do.  The poor kid.

wife1014

eddy321:

That is an awful situation - how sad for the poor girl.  It's great that she respects and trusts you enough to talk with you, but honestly, as a teacher, I'd talk with your administration and the school counselor to see how comfortable they are with what extent you're getting involved in the situation.  It sucks that you can't just be a human who helps this girl, but teaching has taken on a different turn (at least where I teach), and I wouldn't be willing to put my job on the line for it, even though I know I should help.

I like PPs suggestion of providing her resources for pregnancy help centers, WIC, and other available places.  I'd also hook her up with the counselor so they can help out too.

This