My friend had a late lost and I have a question - siggy warning

crystal8503

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I'm really not sure what I should do but I want to do something for our friends. They recently lost their sweet baby girl between 18-19 weeks and she was delivered on May 1.  I have reached out to them to tell them we are here if they need anything and they know this is true.  I know many people say things they don't mean but we truly mean it and they know it's not a sympathetic feel like I need to say it type of offer.  I know they named her but do not know her name yet. I'm going to ask his mother what they chose and was hoping to do something nice for them but I have no idea what to do.  

A friend of mine lost her baby girl 4 days after birth 4 years ago and told me the most important thing for her healing was to have people say her baby's name. This has stuck with me ever since and I want to make sure whatever we choose to do in the memory of their baby is thoughtful and not overstepping.  

Could you please offer some advice?  I know it's probably the smallest of gesture that will mean the most but want to make sure I pick the right thing. Thank you in advance for any suggestions.   

Heatherhah

The biggest help for us was when family and friends made food for us. My DH and myslef couldn't even function enough to make dinners so making some meals really helps. That was just one of many things we really appreciated when we lost our DD.

BootsOrHearts

Let her tell her story with all the gory medical details. You don't have to say anything, just listen. It helps to have people to tell your story to.

Find out the baby's name and acknowledge her as a person - if you write a card, include her name in it, i.e. 'we're so sorry to hear about the loss of _____'. It definitely helps to use her name when you're speaking to her also, 'tell me about _____'s birth' or 'did you get to hold ______'. 

Sounds like you are  a very supportive friend, she is lucky to have you.  

Petunia844

If you go the "home" page for this board, there's a link at the top for "what to do" and "what not to do"  that we all contributed to several months ago... that should help! 

crystal8503

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Thank you for all of the suggestions.  I appreciate the help.

crystal8503

Petunia844:

If you go the "home" page for this board, there's a link at the top for "what to do" and "what not to do"  that we all contributed to several months ago... that should help! 

 

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Thank you!  That was very helpful and I'm sorry I didn't look around for it first. 

mhubbar5

Ditto with the making dinner suggestion. That was the BEST thing anyone ever did for us. When your world is crashing down around you, the last thing you think about is what your feeding your family for dinner.