I have been fighting with my emotions all day..

Llamamama

I don't know if I am just having a hormonal day or what!  I almost called to cancel my RE appt because I was thinking about how it is probably a lost cause and why would I spend all that money when I really need to paint the living room and buy a new couch. 

And there have been 2 different news stories on at 2 different times and 2 different channels today talking about how many women are infertile ESPECIALLY starting at age 40.  BIG "signs" to me...Which made me realize I was right to want to cancel my appt...but then I watched Ellen talk to J.LO and Cameron Diaz about their movie "What to expect when your expecting" which made me remember that I REALLY want to have a baby. 

Which leaves me where I am right now: wanting a baby but afraid it won't happen so not wanting to bother with an RE, but realizing I have been waiting SO long for dh to be ready to move forward that I need to go thru with it..

Just wanted to get that out of my head.. thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lindaeverly

Breathe.  Just breathe.  TTC & getting older SUCKS!  If the hormones don't get you, your brain will!  My husband is convinced that all that we have to do is start acting dumb & irresponsible & we'll get knocked up like all of the losers who can pop them out like rabbits!    He knows that we have serious issues to overcome with TTC, but it made me laugh...which is always needed these days.  I hope that you can come to a decision without torturing yourself.  If it were me, I would at least see the SA through to see what you're up against on DH's side.  ((hugs))

[Deleted User]

PetraStonegirl:

You need a hug, woman.

this.  Sorry llama. 

Llamamama

lindaeverly:

Breathe.  Just breathe.  TTC & getting older SUCKS!  If the hormones don't get you, your brain will!  My husband is convinced that all that we have to do is start acting dumb & irresponsible & we'll get knocked up like all of the losers who can pop them out like rabbits!    He knows that we have serious issues to overcome with TTC, but it made me laugh...which is always needed these days.  I hope that you can come to a decision without torturing yourself.  If it were me, I would at least see the SA through to see what you're up against on DH's side.  ((hugs))

This is what I am planning..at least for the moment. 

Llamamama

PetraStonegirl:

You need a hug, woman.

  Aww thanks!  I love cat hugs!

MrsNukem

You CAN do this Llama!  After all these cycles, do you really want to cancel your appt when you are so close?  I at least would want answers, good or bad.    Hang in there!

Bronxgirl73

Big, big hugs and hang in there.  Do something fun for yourself to help calm down a little and think about it again when you're ready.

winidpu

I concure w/ the ladies and think you should see the RE appt through. It doesn't hurt to just meet w/ him/her and go from there. Hang in there and good luck.

Llamamama

Thanks for the support all.    I am still planning to go to the 1st appt and see what they have to say...I go back and forth between thinking it is time to give up and thinking after all this time I MUST be close.  It's a weird mind set to be in. 

It has been really nice not charting this month.  I thought I would miss it but it has been very freeing not thinking about TTC EVERY day..well I still do but you know what I mean. 

 

Faithfullyinlove

Llamamama:

Thanks for the support all.    I am still planning to go to the 1st appt and see what they have to say...I go back and forth between thinking it is time to give up and thinking after all this time I MUST be close.  It's a weird mind set to be in. 

It has been really nice not charting this month.  I thought I would miss it but it has been very freeing not thinking about TTC EVERY day..well I still do but you know what I mean. 

 

Happy to hear you're keeping your appointment....Hang in there! 

mtlaurel

Glad you're going to keep the appointment. I think anyone who has been on this journey for a long time has those moments. Why wouldn't we? This stuff is hard! Hope today is better for you.

JennyP1

(((HUGS)))

Llama, just take it one day at a time. You have been wanting this and now you have the opportunity so don't psych yourself out. It's information you need to make a decision whatever that decision ends up to be. Just try to find that Zen place you were in before and hang in there. The 25th will be here before you know it!!

And we are all here with you for support.

 

benoitfan

== siggy warning ==

 

Llama, I am so sorry you are in a bad place today.  I know you are frustrated and I can't say that I blame you.  TTC/Pg after 40 is tough.  Some of us get pg pretty easily, but then worry the whole time about things going wrong (m/c, Trisomies, PTL, etc).  Others struggle for the BFP.  I hate to see you in such a rough spot.  I know what it is like to desperately want a second child and I understand the disappointment of the moment you realize this cycle didn't work...again.  Hang in there.  Don't give up hope yet.  You don't know what the RE is going to say, it may not be as bad as you think.  Keep taking it day by day.  Hopefully your RE appt will be here before you know it and some simple tests will reveal the problem and a treatment method that won't break the bank.  I am still cheering for you everyday and looking forward to the day you graduate and join me over on pg>35.  T&P for you.  ((HUGS))

Llamamama

benoitfan:

== siggy warning ==

 

Llama, I am so sorry you are in a bad place today.  I know you are frustrated and I can't say that I blame you.  TTC/Pg after 40 is tough.  Some of us get pg pretty easily, but then worry the whole time about things going wrong (m/c, Trisomies, PTL, etc).  Others struggle for the BFP.  I hate to see you in such a rough spot.  I know what it is like to desperately want a second child and I understand the disappointment of the moment you realize this cycle didn't work...again.  Hang in there.  Don't give up hope yet.  You don't know what the RE is going to say, it may not be as bad as you think.  Keep taking it day by day.  Hopefully your RE appt will be here before you know it and some simple tests will reveal the problem and a treatment method that won't break the bank.  I am still cheering for you everyday and looking forward to the day you graduate and join me over on pg>35.  T&P for you.  ((HUGS))

Glad to know I still have a seat saved for me over there...I'll let you know when it's time to brush off the dust and cobwebs! 

 

mnemone

The desire to throw in the towel while simultaneously wanting a baby so badly is how I feel all the time, too.  Some days I'm completely resigned to never having babies, other days I'm obsessing over every little possible sign that *maybe* this time it worked.  It's a shitty see-saw to ride.  I have also decided not to chart this month, and that's been a relief, actually.  It's helped reduce some of the stress and I will admit a tiny bit of me is hopeful that maybe the lessened stress means we might finally get pregnant?

I dunno.  There's no logic to my thinking about this anymore.  I over-think and over-plan and obsess and ultimately none of that is helping.  I think your decision to sort of let go and relax a bit is a good one, but I'm also with you on going to that appointment!  If I could talk my guy into getting an SA, I'd be all over it and driving him nuts about it.

Rorr2

The moments of doubt are so common on this journey.  You feel like its so close, you just know it's going to happen and then it dosen't. 

It's good you are keeping the appointment and looking at the options.

Good luck!

BeckyP005

I am so glad you are keeping your appt! You are so close and this is finally what you wanted to hear from YH so please keep

Hang in there. My mom is totally fine now with me wanting at a baby at age 44/45. Scary but it will be worth it! Yes I know about the $....I so want to knock my wall down in my house and buy new furniture!! Keep us posted girl

Llamamama

mnemone:

The desire to throw in the towel while simultaneously wanting a baby so badly is how I feel all the time, too.  Some days I'm completely resigned to never having babies, other days I'm obsessing over every little possible sign that *maybe* this time it worked.  It's a shitty see-saw to ride.  I have also decided not to chart this month, and that's been a relief, actually.  It's helped reduce some of the stress and I will admit a tiny bit of me is hopeful that maybe the lessened stress means we might finally get pregnant?

I dunno.  There's no logic to my thinking about this anymore.  I over-think and over-plan and obsess and ultimately none of that is helping.  I think your decision to sort of let go and relax a bit is a good one, but I'm also with you on going to that appointment!  If I could talk my guy into getting an SA, I'd be all over it and driving him nuts about it.

  I have the same thought/hope!