Anyone got any "get out of funk free" cards?

sammer818

I'm just about to leave work so I don't have time to go into the whole story, but it turns out that DH and my best friends (who are 7-ish months pregnant) feel like we haven't been supportive enough of their pregnancy and of them during this time. "They expected more from us." I'm so crushed by this. I just feel so deflated. The wife and I used to talk about TTC all the time and she knew about all of our losses and struggles and emotions. Now, since she got pregnant, she hasn't asked at all about our TTCAL. We don't talk about the pregnancy too much either, but I do ask. It's not like I've completely avoided it, although that is what I would have rather done. Sigh...it just hurts that they can't be more understanding of us in this situation.

killian09

((hugs)).  That's completely unreasonable.  I consider it a success when I make it through an entire evening with my pg bf without crying. It has gotten so much harder to muster the enthusiasm after my second loss now especially. I wish I could make them more understanding for you, but I can't, so I would just encourage you to give yourself the space you need away from them.

rjblack424

I'm so sorry. *hugs*  I've realized, lately, that people forget about others' losses, and we never do/will, and it's hard to swallow that reality, for me personally at least. I hope that your friend gets her head on straight and starts realizing how blessed she is, and what comfort and support you are giving her is what you can physically do without breaking down.  Maybe it's her hormones going crazy and that she'll apologize later for overreacting. Good luck to you sweets.

DaisyZH

rjblack424:

I'm so sorry. *hugs*  I've realized, lately, that people forget about others' losses, and we never do/will, and it's hard to swallow that reality, for me personally at least. I hope that your friend gets her head on straight and starts realizing how blessed she is, and what comfort and support you are giving her is what you can physically do without breaking down.  Maybe it's her hormones going crazy and that she'll apologize later for overreacting. Good luck to you sweets.

I agree with this, it is a sad reality that other people a lot of times just don't take our losses as seriously as we do.  I hope your friend shapes up, please don't feel bad you have done the best you can.  (( hugs )) 

shanrob

Like, what do they want you to do as friends?  Come over and rub her feet? Spread oil over her perineum?  I mean, really.  Just being her friend and asking how she is doing (like you said you have done), is all you should be expected to do.  Sheesh.  Sorry you have to deal with that, big hugs.

neesie3173

rjblack424:

I'm so sorry. *hugs*  I've realized, lately, that people forget about others' losses, and we never do/will, and it's hard to swallow that reality, for me personally at least. I hope that your friend gets her head on straight and starts realizing how blessed she is, and what comfort and support you are giving her is what you can physically do without breaking down.  Maybe it's her hormones going crazy and that she'll apologize later for overreacting. Good luck to you sweets.

totally this. If people can't see it and don't feel it, they forget about it. You never will. Hope things work out for all of you!

ChloBub

shanrob:

Like, what do they want you to do as friends?  Come over and rub her feet? Spread oil over her perineum?  I mean, really.  Just being her friend and asking how she is doing (like you said you have done), is all you should be expected to do.  Sheesh.  Sorry you have to deal with that, big hugs.

This. Ugh, I'm so sorry OP. 

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beppa627

I fully understand!  It's hard to get excited for ouwhen they just remind you of what you don't have.  I'm going through a similar situation and I'm still too angry to even see my pg sister-in-law.  I know eventually i will have to suck it up and deal with her if i want to be in this child's life.  I plan to try to be as supportive as possible but remind her that this is difficult for me and to try to be sensitive to my situation as well.  I think a little compromise is best if you plan to continue to be friends.  You can always cry later but smile for her. 

BOTB32010

daylights1:

I'm sorry.  IMHO, they have the joy of pregnancy so they need to suck it up and be more supportive of you.  Not talking about their pregnancy all the time doesn't make you unsupportive.  They should be more sympathetic.  If they can't understand why this is hard on you then they are not being very good friends.  Again, I am sorry.  ((hugs))

Your DH feels this way or their DH?  

All of this. I am very sorry. Please try not to beat yourself up over this.

katharine25

daylights1:

I'm sorry.  IMHO, they have the joy of pregnancy so they need to suck it up and be more supportive of you.  Not talking about their pregnancy all the time doesn't make you unsupportive.  They should be more sympathetic.  If they can't understand why this is hard on you then they are not being very good friends.  Again, I am sorry.  ((hugs))

Your DH feels this way or their DH?  

Totally agree. I fail to understand all this "support" that pregnant women require, and why it makes them incapable of supporting other people who are incredibly sad with good reason. 

I do agree with others that have mentioned telling your friends how you feel. IMO, if they can't understand where your coming from enough to get why YOU are the one that needs some support, they aren't worth it. 

sammer818

Thanks ladies! It's nice to know I'm not completely out in left field with my feelings.