WDYT of NOT sharing names IRL until baby's born?

KatieKim0815

We did this with our first and honestly it was the BEST decision ever. It allowed us to really bond with the name and love it and make sure we were making the decision just for us. Hudson's MN is Thomas which was sort of a gift for my FIL (as there's a Thomas in every generation of his family).

So when we started TTC we mentioned that we would share names this time but now that we are preggo DH and I are really regretting it. FWIW, I don't think people will REALLY care that we went back on our word but they might be bummed not to be a part of the process.

I really don't want people's input on our names. I mentioned a boys name (my favourite one) about 6 months ago and people turned their noses up. It broke my heart. They ruined my favourite name.

So we're thinking of NOT sharing again. MIL (who I have a GREAT relatioship with) has very different taste as does my grandma and for some reason telling people your names seems to invite input which I don't care about.

WDYT - is it bad not to share? 

MrsC17

It's a great idea - if you can do it- I'm a blabber mouth LOL.  We had a few names picked out for DD and we decided officially after she was born (although we had a clear frontrunner before she got here).  People were nice and no one openly preferred any name over any other.  This time people are being a little more open with the names they prefer (although no one has given us a hard time about any of the names), but it has me wishing we hadn't said anything.

ILoveRedVino

I don't want to share either.  I don't want opinions, and I want there to be an element of surprise (we'll share the sex of the baby beforehand).

AshleyC0117

I didn't share and I was really happy about it. I wasn't interested in people's opinions. 

simplein06

I'm thinking we won't be sharing.  Too many people like to give opinions that aren't wanted :-)

callalilly323

We were team green, but we didn't share our choices. When we have #2 we will do the same... We had a boy but still refuse to tell ppl what we would have used for a girl in case we use it in the future

geauxfrogs

We didn't share names when I was pregnant before, and aren't now again. We don't want other people's opinions. We are also team green- so we get a ton of grief for being no fun from people.

I think if it worked out for you last time, I'd not share again. 

zaramarie81

We are sort of in a similar place as you except we're expecting LO#1.

I went into pregnancy adamant that we'd keep the name a secret. But then people really wanted to discuss names (no surprise), and I genuinely do like feedback, especially in the early brainstorming stages. I also love my MIL's taste in names (I didn't expect that).

BUT... now that we're past the initial brainstorming and we feel more confident in our top names (as well as the general styles of our family and what may or may not be readily accepted lol), I really don't want to share. Which is kinda akward haha. So I keep telling people we have some names in mind, but we'll decide at birth. That seems to help. 

I do feel badly though because my mental "switch" to not discussing names happened before I ever really shared our top names with my dad's side and MIL. Each side of the family was in different stages of input/knowledge. I think, with such large immediate families, I began to feel overwhelmed with the possibility of TOO much input, and that contributed to me putting on the breaks halfway through the process even though I DID appreciate the initial input.

Not sure if my rambling helps at all, but yeah, I do think our feelings can change as the naming process progresses and people need to respect that you may not make a final announcement until baby arrives.

 

femmepink

I will try not to share. We will probably find out the sex so we'd like an element of surprise. Also, the names I like aren't names that many people have positive opinions of (most are not in the top 1000, so people don't associate with them).

I'd rather it be a decision that DH and I make without too many opinions. With that said, I think if I really liked a name, a few bad opinions shouldn't be enough for me to cross it off my list.

strawberrytree

We're not sharing until baby is born for a few reasons- we chose a fairly uncommon name (over here, at least) and I don't want to hear people saying "Huh? What kind of name is THAT?"; we don't want people pressuring us to name the baby after someone or getting mad that the baby is named for someone on my side of the family and not DH's; and we want to reserve the right to change the baby's name if we feel like it. I doubt we'll completely change it, since we've been calling him by his name since January, but we have changed the middle name from what we originally decided. 

We'll do the same thing for any future babies, too. I do think it's kind of silly when people refuse to tell the name but make people guess- DH's cousin's wife is doing this by posting the initials for the name they've chosen and occasional clues about what the name is and is making people guess. I don't get that- either you want people to know, or you don't is the way I see it. 

abbyful

We are not sharing.

We weren't originally planning on it being a secret. But then my mom was visiting and saw the list of names we had written down at that point, and she proceeded to tell us what was wrong with every single name. Then she suggested names we hated (Dillyn, spelled that way; Storm, when we have a dog named Stormy; etc.), and she even OFFERED TO NAME THE BABY FOR US!

So now, baby's name is a secret until he's born. 

Fianschneid

We didn't share and I'm so glad. I didn't want to hear anyone's thoughts. I loved DD's name and I wanted to keep it that way. Once everyone met her, they kept their opinions to themselves because it was already her's. Best decision ever. No pregnant woman needs the extra drama.

m21megs

KatieKim0815:

We did this with our first and honestly it was the BEST decision ever. It allowed us to really bond with the name and love it and make sure we were making the decision just for us. Hudson's MN is Thomas which was sort of a gift for my FIL (as there's a Thomas in every generation of his family).

So when we started TTC we mentioned that we would share names this time but now that we are preggo DH and I are really regretting it. FWIW, I don't think people will REALLY care that we went back on our word but they might be bummed not to be a part of the process.

I really don't want people's input on our names. I mentioned a boys name (my favourite one) about 6 months ago and people turned their noses up. It broke my heart. They ruined my favourite name.

So we're thinking of NOT sharing again. MIL (who I have a GREAT relatioship with) has very different taste as does my grandma and for some reason telling people your names seems to invite input which I don't care about.

WDYT - is it bad not to share? 

 

We are not sharing until baby is born. We don't want any input - and WE want to LOVE the name and not be swayed by opinions. Plus it's our "special secret" especially when we will be an open book re: gender, etc.

sapphiremom13

We didn't share the first time around, and I am so glad that we didn't.  This time, we have been telling people what is on our list and also saying things like "right now, we are calling him Charlie."  Well, we haven't decided on anything, and everyone keeps calling him Charlie.  WE are testing it! I wish I didn't tell anyone.  Also, when I tell people the names on our list, they all give opinions, which I didn't ask for!  Ugh.

saham07

I wouldn't share......it is such a nice suprise when the baby is born. When someone asks, just say, " we are open to suggestions, but we won't be dicussing the final name" Then they are still a part of the naming fun., because it is fun, and they are just excited for you.  I WOULDN'T TELL THE FINAL NAME!!!

LemonBlush

We didn't tell last time and Wong this time either. I did share the name with a few close friends bc I knew they wouldn't say anything to anyone or voice an opinion. I just really dont want to hear any opinions or even see anyone make a face at my name choice. Plus we didn't decide on a single name until we met her and we wanted to change our mind if we wanted. 

I kind of like it when I don't know the name of a friends baby. Adds to the suspense.  

chris&kendra1

I don't think not sharing your name is bad, I think it's just a personal choice. I didn't have any desire to try to keep the name a secret, but I know people who do. I think it really depends on how sensitive you are and how confident you are in your choice. Some people feel very offended if others say something rude about their name, and may even reconsider the name. I'm not like this. If someone said something rude, I would just think they were a jerk.

So, I was excited to share our name. I like that everyone is already calling her by name. It just feels right that she has a name now and she almost has a room...it's just making it all very real for us.

MidwestGidget

feffy11:

This is what we're doing. So far, we've just been "playing dumb" to others when they ask. We're acting as though we haven't given it much thought, even though we've known the names before we were TTC.

This. People don't really care, but if you don't want to share, take the "we're not sure" route, rather than the "Oh we know, but we're not telling" route. That's what gets people.

Also, if you don't want to share it because you're afraid to be swayed by other's opinions, that's kind of a weak reason. Either you love the name and it doesn't matter (and your LO will be the one deflecting people's reactions eventually, if you can't do it, how can they?) 

I told my BF our LO's name and she remarked "Oh, don't do that name, I knew someone with that name that I hated." Named LO it anyways, BF hasn't said anything again, and neither have I. Water under the bridge.

You're going to be judged on everything you do as a mother, rightly or wrongly. And if you are going to be swayed by others' opinions, maybe it's not the best name.

ChristyML

I really wanted to keep our names a secret, just because I didn't want people "stealing" it. But there is no one who is due the same time as me, and I know you can't "steal" a name, but it can definitely seem like it sometimes. My SIL, who is not even in a relationship with anyone, has had several of "her" names "stolen" by cousins of hers. Made her really mad. 

I ended up telling almost everyone our names. I have not had any negative responses to them except from my mom, who is very traditional, and I don't really value any of her opinions as of late anyway.

I don't know if we will choose a name for the baby before s/he is born. We have a list, but I think we need to see our LO before we name him or her. 

Ms Molly

We aren't sharing our names (we are team green) and so far, I highly recommend it.  I have only had a couple of obnoxious people ask me repeatedly.  I just tell everyone that we didn't want anyone to talk us out of the names we love for whatever reason.  Most people really respect our choice and agree that it's a good idea.

PunkyBooster

We didn't share!

We were team green and we didn't even have our girl name finalized until the end of Sept. The boy name wasn't finalized until we were on the way to the hospital. I was due Dec 2! 

catahoulatte

We didn't share his name until after he was born, and I'm SOOO glad. We had it down to three, and towards the end MH told a few people what the three names were, and even then everyone critiqued them. I was kinda pissed but we still chose the name that was least liked by the people we told.

Novem06

We didn't share names last time and won't again this time until after LO is born 

MKang20

I would much rather find out what someone is naming their child after he/she is born.  Makes it more exciting.  Don't get me wrong, the miracle of birth is ALWAYS exciting, but some of the anticipation is stripped when everyone already knows the gender and the name.  

alehayes

We're going to try not to share, but I'm really bad about not telling when I'm really excited about something.

MandyWes

We shared names last time and my mother and MIL drove us crazy!!! Honestly, we don't want anyone's opinions or have them "ruin" our names so we aren't sharing this time. I have to say we LOVE having this secret and MIL is super annoyed.

Mwahahahahaha *evil laugh* She named her kids and so did my mom, let me name mine- will ya????

ETA: We found out and shared the gender last time so I felt like we gave everything away. We found out and shared gender again this time and want at least one element of surprise and want to "introduce" our son to everyone. That's why I'm on this board so I can at least tell SOMEone! lol.. 

jolynn326

I love discussing names too much to keep it a complete secret; but we are team green people, so there's still the impression that we won't know until baby's born. My BFF is team green and doesn't mention names, period. I think it's fine either way!

My family wouldn't trash talk our names, and if they did, it wouldn't bother me. My mom is who I discuss names with most; and she's very respectful even though we have different tastes. Also, I didn't really mention names until they were decided with DD#1, so it didn't invite much discussion.

hols0326

We're not sharing our names either. At first, I was a little against it because I want to tell people so bad. But, at the same time, they are not common names whatsoever (albeit none are totally crazy, they're just not even in the top 1000 names for 2011). In fact, I think from now on I'm going to just play dumb and tell people we don't have names at all when they ask. I seem to get negative responses if I tell them that we have names, but aren't sharing. Such as, "you're no fun", or "so, you're one of THOSE people". Totally a personal choice, but not a bad one IMO.

zach'swife

We didn't share with either of ours and I would never do it any other way!

Everyone knew we had decided and begged us to tell (which was hard), but I think meeting a new little life and hearing the name is so special. Besides, who can make a face about a name when they're looking at the sweet baby in their arms?

MarisaKathleen

We keep saying that we can't decide.  It seems to get people off our backs. 

The only reason we're not sharing is because my SIL is going through some kind of crazy right now and we're naming the baby after their mother that passed away around 20 years ago.  My DH thinks it would send her off the deep end for sure and she'd completely stop talking to us.

People on this board always say that no one will judge your kid once it's actually named...yea...they do and they will.  Just hopefully not to your face.  FYI, I love, love, love Hudson for your DS!  What a great name!  Hopefully you'll find something equally great for new baby!

Nutrguru

We didn't share. We talked with people as we were throwing ideas around and then EVERYONE had an opinion and most of them not good so I got discouraged. I finally just told DH we aren't telling anyone until its on the birth certificate so people don't feel like they can change our minds.

egm900

I always thought we would keep it a secret until B and SIL inadvertently named their child the exact same thing (FN, MN, LN) as one of our father's cousins who is a total whack job.  It's a "normal" name, but not common (not on SSA Top 1000 list).  My brother and I had never heard of this cousin before and Dad didn't want to mention it since they had been adamant on no comments, but it was inevitable that someone would hear the baby's name and bring up the crazy cousin.  We'll be quietly running our chosen name past our parents, even though the odds of this happening again have to be close to nil.

ilovehouses

simplein06:

I'm thinking we won't be sharing.  Too many people like to give opinions that aren't wanted :-)

I wish we wouldn't have shared.  Our inlaws told us last week that they "hate" our favorite boy name.

 

queenbone

I wouldn't share the names, especially if someone already ruined a name for you.  Save it for the birth.

heyitsme

We didn't share names with either of our kiddos. And we also didn't find out the gender of either kiddo. And it was REALLY fun to announce, "It's a ____! And his/her name is ____!" I don't know if people would've commented negatively on our name choices, but we just didn't want other people swaying our name decisions.

Amanda&EricB

We didn't share. Our thing was, we just told people we hadn't decided on a name yet. Technically that was true- we had a list of about 4 names for each sex. But we didn't even tell them that we had a list. You could go that route, just play dumb.