An update

Kpsbabyzoe

Ok. I haven't updated you all on what's going on, or even really been around much lately. Things have been a mess and it's been painful and frustrating and I've made good and bad choices along the way. So here's the "short" of it.

I moved in with my parents. MH was supposed to terminate the lease on our apartment and find another place to live that would be cheaper and smaller since it would only be him living there.  He terminated the lease but didn't find a place for himself. So he's here with me at my parents. It's horrible.  He agreed to leave here and find his own place by the end of this week.  I told him point blank that he can either move his stuff out himself or I'll move it out for him onto the lawn. (I know it sounds dramatic but he's so lazy he won't move unless I give him ultimatums and deadlines.)

MH was also supposed to find us a counselor, which he still has not done.  This is only further convincing me that he has no fight in him, or just a bit of give-a-care to work for our relationship.  It's been like this for far too long.

I re-started my relationship with K. Hate it or love it, judge me, whatever you want. It is what it is. I'm not exactly proud of it, I know many people may feel I shouldn't be doing this right now but it feels like this is what I need.  And I don't want to lie about it.  So just putting it out there on the table. Honesty is the best policy, right?

So there it is. That's the state of things now. It's not good and it's not glorious but I'm getting through it, and I really appreciate the support I've felt on here. Thank you ladies.  I plan on still sticking around if that's alright with you all, despite this messy situation IRL. I like you ladies too much to leave!

Kpsbabyzoe

RosiePeare:

I didn't want to bug you / pry and ask for an update, but I'm so glad you posted one! I'm incredibly proud of you for being able to objectively step back and realize some things about YH--like his inability to make himself move out or his lack of motivation to find a counselor. That's a huge step for you--and a huge step for protecting DD. (Speaking of which, is she doing okay in the midst of all this?)

As for K, I don't know the history there, but I applaud your honesty and openness. As long as you're aware of what you're doing, then you'll be going into future decisions with eyes open.

You're quite a strong woman!

Thank you Rosie. That really means a lot.

And DD seems to be doing ok.  She's always been a go with the flow kinda gal.  Plus, we've tried to keep a lot of the arguing and conflict away from her.  It's tense, but to avoid making her feel bad we just spend time with her separately.  Thanks for thinking of her, though.  I'm worried about how she will handle all of this, but so far she seems to be adapting just fine!

neesie3173

I'm new here, so I don't know you, but I admire your decision to get out rather than put DD through a bad relationship. As a divorced (and remarried) mom myself, I can say that my kids are thriving!! They now have 2 loving homes instead of one tense home. Best of luck to you, and keep in mind, we all make "bad" decisions from time to time. If it's good for you and doesn't hurt DD, I don't see a problem.

Kpsbabyzoe

neesie3173:

I'm new here, so I don't know you, but I admire your decision to get out rather than put DD through a bad relationship. As a divorced (and remarried) mom myself, I can say that my kids are thriving!! They now have 2 loving homes instead of one tense home. Best of luck to you, and keep in mind, we all make "bad" decisions from time to time. If it's good for you and doesn't hurt DD, I don't see a problem.

Thanks, neesie. I appreciate the support.  And, it's always good to hear "success" stories too.

raashton

You know I am always in your corner, sweet lady! (Though I don't recall anything about K...but even then we can discuss in other areas)

I think your husband needed the ultimatum to light that fire or you needed it to set a deadline and boundary for yourself.

Mmm79

I'm newer too, but I do remember that in the recent multiple loss check in posts you have mentioned that you are going through some rough stuff.  Sounds like you may need to walk through a little fire to get to the other side- but keep going.  If you are not in a place that is healthy for you or DD, take it one step at a time and move forward.  I am sorry that things are tough and wish you better days soon.

 

Kpsbabyzoe

raashton:

You know I am always in your corner, sweet lady! (Though I don't recall anything about K...but even then we can discuss in other areas)

I think your husband needed the ultimatum to light that fire or you needed it to set a deadline and boundary for yourself.

I know..I need to fill you in on more..I'm gonna send you a PM...and thanks for the constant support!

ct103

(((Hugs))) for this difficult time you're going through. I really don't have any words of wisdom or words of comfort. But I am thinking of you! Please keep us posted. A lot of us on here care about you greatly, and we want to see the happy future that is headed your way.

Kpsbabyzoe

ct103:

(((Hugs))) for this difficult time you're going through. I really don't have any words of wisdom or words of comfort. But I am thinking of you! Please keep us posted. A lot of us on here care about you greatly, and we want to see the happy future that is headed your way.

Thank you, ct.  You are so sweet. I'm hoping there is a happy future headed my way!

big_noise

Glad to get an update and to hear that you have him an ultimatum to find a place to live. It sounds like he really isn't able to support you and you deserve so much  more than that. I send lots of hugs and strength your way as you continue to navigate this period in your life.

bananers

Sounds like it's been a rough road, but you're in a better place now - or at least on your way there. And glad your DD seems to be doing well too.

No judgements from me regarding K, but just a word of caution: I've seen some nasty divorces and custody battles that used one spouse's infidelity (or even suspected infidelity) against the other person. Again, no judgement from me- just don't want to see you get hurt any more.  

lsuhoneybadger

I may not know your whole story but just wanted to wish you the best of luck.  I can only imagine how difficult a decision it was to make for you and your daughter and I truly hope things work out the best for ya'll.

buckeyebaby814

::HUGS::  I'm sorry things are so difficult.

As far as the dating, just take care of yourself.  I am sure you feel like you're getting a second chance, finally, after all this time, but take care of yourself.  You never know how nasty a divorce can get and you don't want YH to use that against you.

ktsnshn

Thanks for the update. I am glad you are able to stay with your parents and hope your H moves out on his own soon. Take care of yourself and your DD.

JennOH85

You're a very strong woman and I agree with PPs, you need to take care of yourself and your DD first, whatever that means for YH or K (I don't know the situation there, but I don't think I really have to beacuse you know what you need better than anyone else does). It takes guts to be open and honest, so I definitely give you credit for that. Hang in there, girl. Sometimes things get rougher before they get better, but I'm so glad you'll stick around. ((hugs))

 

sammer818

Glad to hear the update. I've been thinking about you. It sounds like your situation is rough and very emotional, but you seem to be handling it rather well. It sounds like you can be objective about things and I'm really glad to hear that DD is doing ok as well. *HUGS*

s.alarie

DC2London:

This is a very big, very brave step you have taken.  I'm sure it was very difficult, especially with a DD in the mix.  I'm glad to hear that she is doing well and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to help her adjust to the changes.  I hope that you are well on your way to the happiness you deserve, whether it includes reconciliation with your H or not.  Only you can know which is your best path.  We are all here to support you.

Agreed. We are all here for you, TTC or not. Big ((hugs)) if you need them