Creating a positive body image for DD

KathrynMD

This is a semi rant/vent and I guess I just want to see if others can related.

A few weeks ago, my mom said something to DD about her fat little legs - it wasn't an insult or anything, more like "Oh, look at your fat little legs" and I asked her to not tell DD "fat."  I said I really didn't want to use words like that around her, she looked at me like I was crazy, but didn't say anything.  Fine, whatever. 

Anyway. .. fast forward to yesterday, my family is over for Mother's Day - my sister is playing w/ DD (running aroudn like crazy people) and at one point my sister was taking a break and said her stomach hurt from running so much.  DD looked at her stomach and said "you're fat" and then my sister said "you're fit" back to DD.  I heard a little of this and then went to ask what was going on - and DD said my sister was fat again.  I chastised DD and said "no, we don't say that word remember, its not a nice word, it can hurt people's feelings" and DD started acting out b/c she was embarrassed. 

I left the room to do dishes, DD went to play somewhere else.  and then I came back into the room.  My mom was recounting the conversation I had w/ her a few weeks ago and saying that DD's not allowed to use that word.  Then, my sister started getting defensive, apologizing for getting DD in trouble and explaining that her feelings weren't hurt b/c she's not "fat" so it really doesn't matter to her. 

My mom and sister both seemed pretty perplexed by me wanting to avoid my DD using the word - either for herself or others, regardless of whether its "true" or not, its a hurtful word. 

ppants

It's probably not the first time she's heard something/someone referenced as fat.  Not that lessens it though.  I don't talk bad about about my body at.all.  I tell my mom not to do the same in front of DD.  I try to reinforce the wonderful things your body can do ie run, jump, make music, etc and that all bodies come in different shapes and sizes.  DD once told me that my stomach was "big".  I told her it's that way from having twins and that I like my body and don't want her to talk bad about it.  Haven't heard another negative comment since. 

ETA:  I've also told the kids that their body is the only one they will ever have to to take care of it and enjoy it.  It's also different and special from everyone else's.

unraveled

As moms of girls, I know we have our work cut out for us, and we don't want to stigmatize conversations around body issues. My kids know the word "fat" from The Very Hungry Caterpillar, but not in reference to people... I would not try to make the word taboo, but redirect her focus toward being healthy.

Like PP mentioned, I try to emphasize how special our bodies are, and all the great things they can do, and that it's our job to keep them healthy. DD1 loves to see her boo-boos healing, and we talk about how that's proof her body is doing what it's supposed to do, because she takes care of herself: eating well, 'moving a lot', getting her sleep, etc... 

We also discuss how everyone looks different- some people are tall, some have red hair, some have beautiful dark skin, some are bigger and some smaller, some have blue eyes, and so forth... Just matter of fact differences, and emphasizing how we can choose to be healthy and take care of ourselves, but never making value judgments based on appearances.

It's tough, but I want her to be healthy and confident, and not critical of herself or others...

 

 

bim38106

basically ditto what the 2 pps said This is definitely something that I worry about a lot. I had an eating disorder from mid-HS through college and the last thing I want is for my girls to experience that...but I also know how society is now. So I do my best to emphasis what is beautiful about them without it being physical features (the way they care about others, the way they include someone in playing, etc...).

My ILs are huge about the "dieting" and the "I'm fat" etc etc...it drives me insane and I hate that they talk about it in front of the girls. There's only so much I can say to them though...so hopefully what they get from home will be enough.

I really like this article https://www.thegoldengleam.com/2012/03/25-ways-keep-our-kids-feeling-beautiful.html and tend to do a lot of what they suggest..but it's always a good reminder. IMO, confidence and appreciation plays a large role in having a positive body image.