How to Deal With Life...

Trootie2012 · May 2012

Hi All, Havn't been on this Board for a While.. But Having a Hard time

dealing with Life Issues right now.... I'm 38 and MC in February at 8 weeks, it would have been my 1st Child and we were thrilled to be Pregnant, the hardest part was seeing the Heartbeat then a week later it was gone...so were all our dreams... that went with the pregnancy. Its Been Several months since the loss and I'm still very much grieving and hoping we get Pregnant again soon.

The Hard thing I am Dealing with is my sister who I just found out is Pregnant, she is a few years longer then me and lives with mom and hasn't even been with her BF for a year... ( I have been with my fiancee for 14). The pregancy was planned I heard... She will be due around the time I would have had my baby. My Family didn't know I was Pregnant - so Right now I am dying inside and feel like I have noone to talk to that would understand my feelings... We havn't been officially told she was pregnant, so she doesn't know I know... I guess I just don't know how to handle the news once she tells us... Hey I am Happy she tried younger to have a child and she is very fertile, but she can't pay her bills now, lives at home and doesn't really now her BF... My Mom has no money to even help raise a child...

Living with a MC is hard enough, now I am going to have that Constant Reminder in the Family for the rest of my life.. He/She would have been this age.... It's Horrible thing to go thru and if I don;t get Pregnant again how do you live ? So SAD, Wish I never Experienced Pregancy to begin with.... then i wouldn't have these feelings....

danieleandwayne · May 2012

I can't even imagine what you're going through. So all I can say is, be good to yourself. ((hugs))

BagelGirl · May 2012

I am so sorry!!!! Try not to think of it that way though and try your hardest to not focus on other's lives and just focus on your own and what you can do to keep yourself happy and healthy. If it pains you to be by your sister, just tell her what's going on and hope she understands.

Can you reframe it? Take the part out about your sister not being able to pay bills, your own MC and all that. If you let yourself, can you be excited to have a new niece or nephew on the way? Sometimes looking at the small picture can make things less overwhelming. I had a MC and my DH's loser ex is on her 2nd baby with her new hubby. It's hard - I get that, but there's no sense stewing on things you can't control and growing bitter.

Please know that I kind of get where you're coming from and I absolutely understand your feelings. I just don't want to see you hurting more than you need to.

JennyP1 · May 2012

I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. You have a right to feel sad and upset and you need time to grieve. Just when you think you are healing something comes along that rips the wound open again but time heals all wounds and hopefully you can come to separate the pain of your MC from the joy of your new niece or nephew and enjoy them.

All hope is not lost, when you are ready to try again you will find the strength and the hope again for a successful pregnancy.

(((Hugs)))

kat1221 · May 2012

I had a MC after seeing the HB too and I know how hard it is. I also know that seeng other people pregnant, family or not, can be so painful. I remember being so angry at how unfair it was that people who were incapable of caring for a baby could get pregnant so easily. (I actually still think that but that's another story)

I like the PP suggestion of trying to be happy for your sister and excited about having a new member of the family. I know it's hard, but it's not going anywhere so you have to come to terms with it.

The good news is that you CAN get pregnant. Chances are good that you will have your own child and you won't have to face the milestones of your niece/nephew w/o your own milestones to follow. Does that make sense?

Hang in there:)

Rorr2 · May 2012

I am sorry for your loss. It's a terrible situation to be in. I m/c our first in November. My cousin found out she was pregnant two weeks after me, so I have had to follow her pregnancy even after mine ended. It has been difficult. I am happy for her and her husband, just very sad for us.

All I can say is take the time you need to feel the way you feel. It's completely ok. If you can find one friend to tell what is going on with you and let her be your safe place, that might help. I talk to my best friend and I know I can say anything about it to her and she will not judge. It has helped.