What are the advantages of filing before H?

BeachBlondie456

Does it matter who files for divorce first? What are the advantages and or disadvantages in filing first? Does it effect child custody and visitation? What about Costs?

ashleyann331

It doesn't really matter who files first, at least with my divorce it hasn't. Maybe some of the other ladies on here can tell you if it worked differently for them. It shouldn't really have much weight as far as the terms of visitation or custody things even if you file first as he will still get the chance to argue or ask for you to compromise with him on them. The only thing that can change that is if he defaults (not reply within a certain amount of time, where I'm from its 20 days and I think that is pretty standard.) and you'll be granted everything you asked for within reason. My lawyer told me about a case he knew of where the guy was pretty flaky, well his ex wife knew this and got her lawyer to ask for $800 bucks a month child support (for ONE kid!!!) and that he only got two day (not overnight) visits a month, plus pay for all the daycare and medical bills. He failed to show up for their court date and the judge granted her only about $500 a month child support, ordered him to pay all the day care and then gave him two weekends a month but had denied him any chance to argue it.

It more than likely will end up costing you more if you file first because your lawyer will be the one preparing the first set of papers, asking you what you would like listed in them, and possibly hiring someone to serve your STBXH. Where as if he filed first your lawyer would be able just to type up an answer saying what you agree to, what you don't- then asking for what you would like differently with those things, and sending it off.

PrettyInPearls23

As far as costs go, you'll be the one paying the filing fee if you file first. In my state, I believe it was around $150 (not sure, because it was taken out of the retainer I had paid my attorney).

As far of if it really matters...the short answer is no. Like pp mentioned, if you're the Plaintiff (filing party), you can get a default judgment if your H doesn't respond to the papers within 21 days. There is still a hearing, and your H could possible show up to that and finally contest what is in the papers. If he doesn't show, you'd likely get what you're asking for.

My attorney prefers for his clients to file first. He said that everyone will tell you it doesn't matter, but in his opinion judges are slanted towards the Plaintiff, because of the stigma that comes with being labled as a Defendant. He didn't say that it's right for judges to do that...but that it happens.

ldoo

BeachBlondie456:

Does it matter who files for divorce first? What are the advantages and or disadvantages in filing first? Does it effect child custody and visitation? What about Costs?

Just be sure about what he's like. My STBXH is mean, vindictive, controlling and deceptive. He asked me not to take any legal action, and he would do the same, without consulting each other first. We were planning a collaborative divorce.

Then he went behind my back and filed. He kicked me out of the house in 2 weeks (and effectively my girls too, since I'm their main custodian) and asked me to pay half his freaking mortgage and bills. 

So, yeah, if you think he might pull something that would screw you or the kids over, do it first.