Continuing the 2 vs 3 debate....

luvmygirls22

DH and I talked a bit and the thing we are most concerned about is (if we decide to go for #3) once the baby gets older, doesn't it get more difficult to take all 3 out and about? My two daughters are 3 and 18 months and they are just now at that point where they enjoy doing the same things. We want to be fair to our girls and not hinder any experiences they may want to have. There is also that "what if" feeling if we don't go for it.  I guess some of it depends on how big of an age gap is between the three children. Just looking for some more insight from those of you who have three and how it is as the baby gets older. Thanks. I know I post alot about this, but it is weighing heavily on my mind.

shouldbworkin

I don't know how a baby would hinder their experiences.  Babies are so portable to me.  But, if you are really strict about nap and bedtimes, then that could be a problem.  We tend to let it go on the weekends if we're doing something fun.  Not that we're out super late, but we push it a bit.  I've never been against a stroller or car seat nap if it was for a good cause either.  All in all, I haven't found it to be that different from having 2u2. For awhile, it sucked when both kids needed naps at different times, but that passed soon enough.  We could monkey around with schedules to make things work and we still do. 

I actually like having a larger age gap, more than I thought I would.  The older two do their thing and DH or I can easily drop them off at bday parties or a friends house w/o us needing to be there.  We also have friends over a lot, so they have a full social life that is unaffected by having a baby in the house.  

For me, having a 1 and 3 y/o kicked my butt.  I really couldn't think about having another under DD was 2 y/o and things got easier.  They've gotten easier every year, so adding another now hasn't been too bad.  My PG was a lot easier than my PG with DD too b/c the kids were older.  

luckyluvr

My 3 are each 2 years apart. Yes, at first it's hard to go out and about, but just like the transition from 1 to 2, you get a routine. Also, when I was pg with #1, I worried that I was hindering my other child's life because I was "taking away from him". Once she was here, she just joined the fun, whatever...wherever. Now they are best friends, they fight, and they have fun. Lately, my DD has started playing with the baby, like DS#1 did with her when she was a baby. I did fear he would be left out, but it doesn't look like it will happen. I'm not strict on schedules, so managing life inside and outside the house isn't terrible. As for taking away from their experiences,  I do consciously make sure to do some  things that would appeal to each and the others just go along. So far, #1 & #2 are into the same things, and #3 will be soon.If nothing else, it will expose each child to different things they might not have been interested in. My DD loves to go to her brother's t-ball games, and the boys will sit with me and wait for her ballet class to end.  I would be more concerned about the regret at not having #3. Once he or she is here, they find their own place. And the way I see it, having another sibling only enhances experiences b/c there's someone else to share it with I always wished I'd had more than just 1 sibling. Of course, I'm a "the more the merrier" kind of person.

luvmygirls22

Thank you very much for posting. This is not an easy decision.

lsufan

If there was something I really wanted to do, having 3 kids didn't deter me, even if it was hard to get out with all 3 of them.  It was the stuff I was lazy about anyway that tended to get pushed to the side with an excuse that it was too hard to attempt with 3 kids.

shopgirl78

Each of mine are just over 2 years apart and going out with a 4 year old, 2 year old and NB in an infant carrier occupying one whole arm alone was awful for me.   DS1 was a hard, hard, hard toddler.  He was a runner.  MH works a lot and I hardly had a break/help.  Once I took DS2 in for a very badly needed haircut in a strip mall place.   I was so proud of myself for keeping everyone happy and feed all thoughout our 30 min wait and DS1's haircut.  I paid, had DS2 in the infant carrier and opened the door with the other hand, and DS1 bolts out into the street...OMG. I  shut the door on DD, set DS2's infant carrier down...yelled for DD to stay with DS2 and caught DS1 halfway through the parking lot....that was the most awful memory.

I loved the slings with the boys and they did make things easier but I couldn't bend and lift the toddler as well with my NB in them...the double stroller wouldn't have fit in the haircut place.  The haircut was so necessary because DS1 was getting cradle cap.  Didn't want to drive accross town because that would take too much time and DS2 would want to eat--it was impossible BFing the baby in public while having the other two.    Carts also made things a little easier...we love the car carts.   

Now-outings, they can be hit or miss.  I was really dreading taking all 3 to the school for a family literacy night.  I put DS2 in the single stroller and he did awesome the whole time in the stroller.  Granted a friend took DD to her class for a while alone but I met back up with them after going to DS1's classroom--no issues at all.  Last year at DD's KG program, I had the two boys and it was very hard (they would have been a year younger).  They were literaly running circles around me.

I also used to hate taking DD to gymnastics/dance and trying to keep up with both boys.  There for a while, I just dropped her off but had some mommy guilt over that too.   The last couple of practices we have gone in and things have gone much smoother.  DS1 has a friend there now and sends his time playing with him rather than annoying me, climbing on things, trying run, etc.  I think part of it might be having 2 boys...they wrestle, run and are loud.

There is something about adding a third, that just makes your head spin a little more.  Two is easy, any combination of the two is easier that having all three (even just the two boys, when DD is easy peasy most of the time). 

With all that said, I just adore DS2 and am so happy to have him.  He completes us!

 

Dcubed

Similar to what pp said: DD1 has gymnastics and I am stuck there inside the building entertaining or holding DD2 for an hour.  DS can figure it out himself but he still wants this or is bored or something  When DD2 was a baby it was easier to do things - she just sat in a stroller - now she is at the age where she is mobile and stubborn but doesn't understand waiting and all that.  DS has practice and again DD2 has to wait for his practice and games.  I am so wrapped up in her that I barely get to see any of the practices or games which I do not like.  DH and I are outnumbered so it can be difficult at times.  

 But all that said seeing the way the older 2 are with their sister beats all that and of course this toddler time will pass (and other difficulties will come about) but in my eyes it's part of raising a family.

MammaBear81

I don't find it harder to take out more than 2 at once.  When they were younger my double stroller was my best friend, now, depending on where we are going, I can put LO in the ergo and let the other kids walk.  It did take a lot of practice getting the kids to hold hands and listen, but in the end it's so much easier now.

Bride2b2004

IMO, having 3 isn't much more difficult than 2, EXCEPT 1) when someone/all are sick and 2) going places.  So yeah, DS1 and DS2 certainly go less places or don't stay as long as they otherwise might.  It is a valid consideration.  But bottom line, for us, is our LO is totally worth the trouble.   

Didn't you have the same/similar concerns when you were contemplating #2?  Do you have a journal?  You might find you had similar concerns, but forget now.   I was surprised to find how anxious I was about even my first pg and worried about how things (in general) would work out.   I remember taking DS1 out for milkshakes the day before I had DS2 and kept tearing up and worrying about how sharing us might affect him.   If you don't have a distinct and persistent feeling someone is missing from your family, I am sure you would be very happy with the status quo.  But if you do, the trouble that comes with another child is absolutely worth it.