I had to say it out loud today

tuscanbride2007

I have been fortunate, up to this point, to have my husband be the bearer of our sad news. I have had to write it a few times in an e-mail, but I have not had to say the words out loud to someone that didn't know.

I had a hair appointment today (that I set up while I was pregnant) and I knew she would ask, "how's the baby?" I kept practicing what I was going to say in my head and I thought that I could get through it, but then I said, "she didn't make it." I felt like it was someone else saying the words. Then I got the look and then the "I'm sorry" which of course sent tears directly to my eyes.

It will get easier with time, right?

FirstTimer02

I'm still pregnant but we know we're going to lose him, he has a fatal bone dysplasia.  Someone asked all sweetly and I just said he's not doing well and we think we're going to lose him, so I haven't been telling people.  At this point I am able to do it without getting emotional, which is sort of weird.  Like "this is a fact" and the feelings live somewhere else not so close to the surface.  I expect it will come and go.

mollywobbles13

I want to say yes it does. So far for me it has. I'm not sure if it's actually eaiser or I've been better at pretending. I'm only 9 weeks out, so it's very possible it's a fake sense of "better".  Be gentle with yourself, those words will never be easy to say, and will be extremely hard the first couple times. Big hugs to you!

jbranden12

I practiced too. Thankfully everyone at work had been informed, and I told people via facebook and email, but there were a few people I had to tell in person. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I didn't. There was no telling what was going to happen!

My loss is pretty fresh, so I don't know if it will ever get easier because I'm not there yet. But I know there will come a time when everyone who knew I was pregnant has found out, and then no one will be asking. I'm afraid that might hurt just as much.

ETA: I have really been avoiding people socially, so I haven't had to tell that many people. I don't know when that will change. 

johnnys june

Hmm, easier?  That's such a taboo word.  I think you just learn to deal with it.  You cope.  You come up with a certain response, or maybe you're just blantantly honest.  Yes it's gets "easier" in the sense that you don't necessarily cry every time you have to say it (It's been a year and a half and I still find that at the most random times and places I have to say it out loud...especially since I'm pregnant again and everyone asks "Is this your first?").   I guess I've learned how to manage the intensity that strikes in those moments. 

*hugs* 

lhakers

I don't think it gets easier... I think sometimes I can say it without crying and sometimes I can't.... then sometimes I am more worried that I will make the other people uncomfortable... I work in a High School... I interact with parents everyday and am often asked if I have children.  Like I said, sometimes I am OK, but if they catch me on a bad day, I'll cry, and when they say sorry for asking, I explain how I always enjoy being able to talk about my daughter.  I don't want people to be afraid of asking me about her...or afraid to say her name.  She is and will always be my baby.

pb127

Big (((hugs)))  It gets a bit easier with time and then after a while people know and you don't have to repeat it.  I'm sorry Tuscan.

wmthorpe0815

I dealt with this 6 times a day every day for the first 10 weeks after our loss. And I still have to tell people. They looked at my belly and I could see them counting in their head and knowing the numbers werent right. I would breathe and say "lets go sit in my chair and talk a little" As a hairstylist I have become so close with my clients. They are some of my favorite people. I like them most of the time more than my own family. But to answer your question sometimes its easier and sometimes its harder. Every once in a while I will get asked what l have been up to lately, especially for the clients I only see twice a year and I cry pretty heavily. I guess knowing that life still goes on when my life has been standing still for the past 3 months.

samakasrc

I am finally to the point where I'm able to get through telling people about carrying to term despite our diagnosis and his birth/breif life without having a total breakdown. But depending on the day, I still get teary.  Sometimes I walk away crying to myself.  But most of the time now, I talk about our journey with pride...