Do or Have any of you ever felt this way

TamTam624

Last weekend we had a birthday party for my nephew.  My Brother and his Wife have been together since they were in high school.  So we have known SILs family for over 20 years now.  Well right before we found out we were PG with #2 we foudn out that SILs younger sister was struggling through IF. 

I am very sensitive towards other couples even if I dont know if they have IF issues.  I have been through all of the when are you going to have a baby.  Why are you waiting so long and the oh we got pregnant it is easy blah blah blah comments.

Well when we were there my SIL and her brothers wife who is fertile mertile has 4 under 4 and was using protection when she got PG with the twins, start asking me all kinds of questions about the baby and when the baby is coming etc. 

I really just made short answers and felt like I needed to appoligize to the sister suffering from IF.  You would think that being family and knowing what she is going through they wouldnt be making such a deal.

Am I wrong to feel this way, I would never want to hurt someone I do know the pain, the going home and crying etc.

Sarafuss

I definitely understand that feeling.  I've even felt guilty sometimes.  A good friend of mine is going through treatments now and sometimes I feel bad talking about DS with her.  I know she loves him and wants to know how he's doing but sometimes I feel like I'm rubbing it in.  So I try not to talk about him unless she asks. 

You would think that she would be more sensitive to your SIL.  But sometimes the fertiles just don't get it. 

DrRx

I understand where you are coming from.  However, do you know whether or not your SILs younger sister has a problem listening about others talk about their babies? 

People in our family knew about our IF struggles, but I didn't want them to feel worried or uncomfortable to talk about their babies.   However, I would lead the conversation and be excited for them, because I was.  Yes, it sucked that I didn't have a baby at the time, but for me, I was genuinely happy and excited for them.  It became known that it was totally ok to talk about that with me or near me.  Do you think that this could be the case with your SILs little sister?

I do want to say that I totally understand people who are uncomfortable and for whom it is painful listening to others talk about babies when they are having struggles.  That is completely normal and I'm glad that you are sensitive to others.  I think that when we first started to have our issues and weren't sharing our problems it was somewhat uncomfortable.  However, for me, once we started sharing with everyone, it made dealing with it all so much more comfortable.  I actually liked to talk to others about babies, since to me, no matter what, a baby should be celebrated, even if the mother doesn't realize how lucky she is to be pregnant.

hlsgrad

My SIL is fertile myrtle - had 4 under 4 (she actually had 3 kids while i was waiting for 1)! But seeing/hearing about babies never really bothered me. The stuff that bothered me was hearing fertile myrtles talk about their fertility - whether it was bragging or lamenting their amazing ability to get pregnant. Or their obnoxious "wait until you have kids or do you want one of mine?" Yeah, fertility bragging drove me crazy and actually still does. 

After a few IVFs I actually stopped going to wedding and baby showers.  No one could understnd why not wedding showers  - but they were sometimes just as bad or worse because it seemed like if you put women in the same room, someone will inevitably talk about people getting pregnant "right away" and complaining about it taking SO long, like 3 months, haha.

 

Dragonfly1226

Yes, I totally understand this feeling. In fact, when I was pregnant I used to think about the people struggling with IF who I didn't know but was parading my baby bump in front of. Maybe you can reach out to your SIL in an email or something just to tell her you are thinking about her. I am so sorry you were put in that position.

queenbone

Yes!  My cousin is 8 yrs younger than me, her son will be 4 this summer, and they have been trying for a long time to get pg again.  I think she has 2IF.  But her mom will make snide comments about it all.the.time.  During a house tour after they had moved into a new house, my cousin pointed out a room that will  hopefully be a future nursery and my Aunt made a snotty comment about them needing to hurry up to give her a granddaughter.In front of my g-ma and a bunch of other people!  I wanted to punch her in the face!  My poor cousin! 

At Christmas time when she hadn't made a pregnancy announcement yet I gave her my RE's info and suggested she try out the 2IF board here.  I'm older and have had fertility issues longer, but can't help but feel guilty that I have 2 now and will be trying for a 3rd this summer.  I feel like I should give her a heads up that I'm going back for treatment in the event that I have success before she does.  I'd hate for her to be caught off guard.  (Hopefully she'll have a BFP soon!)