ever look in the mirror and

tubbsy32

think you look like a completely different person?!?! I feel like since we have lost Jacob I look like I have aged so much and have such bags under my eyes. Some days I look in the mirror and don't even feel like I'm looking at myself and think, "Is that really me? Is this really my life? Did this really happen to us?"

lrichmond86

You could have taken these words right out of my mouth.  Exactly this.

whiteroses05

I think this about everyday. My body and face have really shown the wear this has taken on me. I understand asking ur self these questions. I like I said I ask myself daily.

pb127

Yes! I always have big bags under my eyes now and I have tons of white hair now (my hair is otherwise very dark brown, so it really shows).  DH and I think I actually got most of them from shock at the news that DS had passed.  I'm thinner now, so I don't feel like I have that chubby, happy look I used to have either. Even my family thinks I look "aged".

samakasrc

Agree completely.  I couldn't have said it better myself.

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weddedwife

Yes totally. Probably doesn't help that I don't wear makeup anymore either. But I stopped wearing it with any regularity after Nathaniel died. I just didn't care anymore, and part of me wanted to look as bad as I feel.

blessedhope

yes so much. Not only do I look different I feel like I am an old woman on the inside. Young people don't focus on death as a blessing like old people who have lived a full life do. LIke a little bit ago when some crazy guy on the radio was predicting the end of the world, me and DH said, "well, if that was true, that wouldn't really be so bad."

I wish I could put into words what I am trying to say but maybe you understand. I feel like it is so unnatural for someone in the prime of life to not have the future to look forward to something brighter that I feel old.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I feel the exact same way.  I look in the mirror and I basically look the same as I always have (except for the weight gain and more gray hairs) and I can't believe I am who I am.  When Corbin was born it was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I was a mommy and just as I was getting used to that I became that "other girl".  I think that's where my fear of going out in public and the "sign" I feel blares over my head comes from.  I swear everyone knows even though I know strangers don't.

jbranden12

Yes, I often have these thoughts. I also haven't worn makeup since we found out we lost Patricia. It's no use when I would cry it all off everyday anyway. I never really wore much before, but I still look in the mirror and have trouble wrapping my head around this new reality.

tuscanbride2007

Absolutely agree. I feel like I have aged so much so Annabelle left us. When DH and I were trying to figure out where Annabelle's final resting place was going to be, we decided to go ahead and reserve ours too. I never would have thought that I would have to think about something like that at my age!

jbranden12

blessedhope:

yes so much. Not only do I look different I feel like I am an old woman on the inside. Young people don't focus on death as a blessing like old people who have lived a full life do. LIke a little bit ago when some crazy guy on the radio was predicting the end of the world, me and DH said, "well, if that was true, that wouldn't really be so bad."

I wish I could put into words what I am trying to say but maybe you understand. I feel like it is so unnatural for someone in the prime of life to not have the future to look forward to something brighter that I feel old.

I think I understand what you mean. At the risk of sounding trite, I'll say I believe we will all end up wise beyond our years. It's unnatural for us to be experiencing this when most of our parents and grandparents haven't even experienced it. It is so hard for me to imagine my future right now. That is likely why I'm so preoccupied with having another child. It's the only future I see at all.  

karebear57

I totally agree. We went out last wk before my bday to get coffee at starbucks and this guy that usually takes care of us was talking with us and my dh just had to bring up that my bday was a couple days away (I'm 11 months older!) and he asked him how old I looked and he guessed 5 yrs older than I really am! Younger guy too. I have to agree with him. I really need to drop this wt and try even harder to find some $$to get my hair colored. I've noticed lots more grays since this all happened. I have also changed how I do my make up everyday. If I know that I'm gonna be weepy then I stick with white eyeshadow or lt. brown and a light eyeliner with brown mascara. I wear a bit more colorful eyeshadow and black mascara if I'm feeling ok  but then if I do start to get weepy I tell myself I gotta wait 'cuz I don't want my makeup all over.

mollywobbles13

YES! I look older, and I feel SO much older now too. I feel like it was a lifetime ago that I was happy and big and pregnant.The rainbows and lollipop optimisim has been taken away and it shows on my face for sure.

johnnys june

Yes.  You aren't the same person.  You never will be.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally you are this "new" version of who you used to be.  Past, present, and future forever changed and forever molded into the woman you are now.  *hugs*  The bags won't last forever.  You'll find "youth" in your face again.  But what's underneath is forever changed.

eroplane

I agree. I feel old and jaded. I hate the "new me". 

lindseynl23

Everyday...