I'm a wreck

keft514

I'm really sorry that many of you don't know me, but I have been doing SO well the last few months that I decided it was best to distance myself from TB.  I am not sure if it is really fair that I share my frustrations, but I didn't know where else to turn.

 It isn't just the FB pregnancy announcements.  It isn't just the family asking stupid questions.  It isn't JUST the MIL asking if DH has had his sperm tested while at the dinner table.  Twice.  It isn't just mothers day.  It isn't just a LOAD of friends that are considerably younger than I am having babies.  

It is all of those things.  Probably has to do with the fact that it is May.  My birthday, DH's birthday, and my EDD coming up quickly.  I really didn't think it would bother me.  I don't know why I thought that.   

I know there are many of you who have gone through many more losses and many more invasive procedures, etc., and for that I am truly sorry.  If I feel like this, I can't imagine how you feel.

(((hugs))) to you all for being there! 

VikingQueen

((hugs))

ktsnshn

((Hugs))

panacea05

Somtimes, it's all just too much to bear. I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))

Laurakat81

(((hugs)))

killian09

hugs for you!  you can vent away here.  everything does have a way of piling up!

Mmm79

That is a lot to handle all at once.  Can you take a small break and just get away for a bit- even just for a day to unplug from all this stuff?

 

andreagb

I hope things get better soon...(((HUGS)))

keft514

Thanks ladies.  It really helped just to get it all out in writing.  That's always been a good release for me.  We are going to the beach next week for our birthday's, so that will be relaxing, but I can't stop thinking about the fact that I'm supposed to be moments away from childbirth right now.  On the bright side, I'm still skinny!  LOL

Thanks for all the hugs.  You ladies are great! 

keft514

jenek0213:

At times, it just seems like more than any one person should have to bear. We're here for you.

*hugs*

 

and you're MIL sounds like a real doozy... ugh

haha!  Yes, my MIL is definitely a doozy.....the other day she FINALLY got the picture because I wasn't all that friendly about her mentioning sperm tests AGAIN and she said, "and i am guessing by the way you are acting that you don't want to talk about this".  I laughed and said she was a smart lady

DaisyZH

I'm so sorry, when everything piles up like that sometimes it's just SO hard.  Whenever things get bad I try to think "just keep swimming" which is from Finding Nemo (yes I'm a dork) and it just makes me feel a little better.  I also like that quote which I can't quite remember, I think it's "everything will be allright in the end, and if it's not allright it's not the end".  I hope things get better for you.

keft514

JUST KEEP SWIMMING is very appropriate right now..........

 The nice thing is that I have been in this place before (as we all have) and the good news is that it DOES get better.  The bad news is that it never fully goes away.  But you are right, it isn't the end.  We all have a lot to be thankful for. 

ChloBub

(((HUGS))) I definitely know you and have been missing you. I think about you often, and I'm glad to see you back around here, but I'm NOT glad to see that you're a wreck. It's a really hard month, and it just feels like too much sometimes. I'm so sorry; know that we're here for you.

jinxycat24

I'm so sorry there's so much piling up right now. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. Vent here all you need to....that's why we are here.

I hope you're able to enjoy a little birthday celebration next week. (((big hugs))) 

funny bunny

*Hugs*

No words of wisdom here, just - you are not alone! 

shellyco

I'm sorry you're having a tough time.  I'm sorry May is such a crappy month for you, too. It all seems to come at once, doesn't it? (HUGS)

keft514

ChloBub:

(((HUGS))) I definitely know you and have been missing you. I think about you often, and I'm glad to see you back around here, but I'm NOT glad to see that you're a wreck. It's a really hard month, and it just feels like too much sometimes. I'm so sorry; know that we're here for you.

 Thanks ChloBub.  Your EDD is only a few days after mine.  I'm sure you have similar feelings.  I just didn't think I would feel this way to be honest.  I am not the type to have little reminders around, I don't want a tattoo to remember my loss, I don't even want a necklace to remember, etc.   So it is shocking to me that I am having this much trouble with my EDD.  

To quote Blake Shelton from his genius comments on The Voice - - "This SUCKS!" 

Smootiepie

*HUGE HUGS*

kpowers982

  I'm sorry that it's all hitting you at once.  Hoping the clouds part for you soon and it's nothing but blue skies ahead!

keft514

kpowers982:

  I'm sorry that it's all hitting you at once.  Hoping the clouds part for you soon and it's nothing but blue skies ahead!

OMG your siggy pic made me burst into laughter!  THANK YOU!  LOL 

krisztina33

<<hugs>>  So sorry   It seems like it all piles on at once.  And each of those things, while tough, could be manageable alone, but together are too great of a burden.

Hope you start to see brighter days!!

(And wowsa on MIL asking at the dinner table!!!  Holy cow!)

kiki4

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry you are having a rough time.

foxxy1

*HUGS*

Some days are easier than others. Some days, it's just so unfair. But remember no matter what happens, you are awesome. You're a great person.

Elle jM

((Hugs))  There is only so much we can handle.  I'm glad you're getting away to celebrate your birthday.  I hope it's the break you need.  Hopefully, the rest of May will go quickly.

delino

Big huge (((HUGS)))  I'm so sorry all that stuff is piling up on you.

keft514

Thanks ladies.  I needed all of you today!

KacyChicago

I'm so sorry ... It's so tough when it all piles on top of you at one time, and I hate you're getting buried in it.

Vent away! Thinking of you.

 

LaTi07

(hugs) I'm sorry everything is just building up for you.

KGS2003

(((Hugs)))

smcjmk09

So sorry you're struggling.  Sending hugs and some strength for you to get through to the other side.  Hang in there.

besoul

(((HUGS)))

katharine25

keft514:

  I am not the type to have little reminders around, I don't want a tattoo to remember my loss, I don't even want a necklace to remember, etc.   So it is shocking to me that I am having this much trouble with my EDD.  

To quote Blake Shelton from his genius comments on The Voice - - "This SUCKS!" 

Yes, This totally sucks

 I'm not the type to keep trinkets and memorabiliala of events either. I just don't understand it - I'm a cynic, not a sentimental person. I could go on an on how I find it all silly.

But somehow, a willow tree angel ended up at my house after my loss - and I keep it in my kitchen on the little corner shelf. Then for my second loss I got another to remember that by.  When I look at them when I wash the dishes or pull down he olive oil, I smile a little - like they are still here with me. 

I'm planning on doing doing a planting in a garden I've been working on for my June bug. And another one in November for the 2nd. Even though I still think it's kind of silly, and I'm sure there will be no pomp and circumstance - just a private moment in my head  - something about the idea of it give me comfort, like I'm not trying to sweep it under the rug. I was telling my DH what I'm planning on doing on my EDD, and that I hoped it would act like a release for me, because right now I'm weighted down by all of it. Most days i think im doing just fine, and them BAM! -im not. I'm not sure if All this will really help, but hey, it's worth a shot. 

 

MissRachel621

I hate the "when it rains, it pours" feeling.  I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this.  This is a good place to vent.

KDS1987

Mmm79:

That is a lot to handle all at once.  Can you take a small break and just get away for a bit- even just for a day to unplug from all this stuff?

 

THIS!!!! Find something you can do for a day/afternoon/weekend whatever you have time for. Go see a movie by yourself, get a pedicure, take a super long bubble bath and drink some wine, whatever you enjoy. Or do a date night with DH. If money is tight, do a date night in and make something a little fancier then usual, eat on your good plates and have a no tv night to just talk and get to know eachother again. Or reverse that and eat homemade pizza on the floor watching a movie in a blanket fort in the living room (yes we have done it). Sounds like you need to have fun and LAUGH! Hope things get easier for you soon.

keft514

KDS1987:

Mmm79:

That is a lot to handle all at once.  Can you take a small break and just get away for a bit- even just for a day to unplug from all this stuff?

 

THIS!!!! Find something you can do for a day/afternoon/weekend whatever you have time for. Go see a movie by yourself, get a pedicure, take a super long bubble bath and drink some wine, whatever you enjoy. Or do a date night with DH. If money is tight, do a date night in and make something a little fancier then usual, eat on your good plates and have a no tv night to just talk and get to know eachother again. Or reverse that and eat homemade pizza on the floor watching a movie in a blanket fort in the living room (yes we have done it). Sounds like you need to have fun and LAUGH! Hope things get easier for you soon.

 

Totally digging the date night in idea!  

We have a house guest tonight (YUCK!), but that may be on the schedule for this weekend! 

sunsetlove

(((HUGS))).. i feel you ..I was feeling the same a  few months ago... hang in there... we are all here for you..

lsuhoneybadger

((((hugs))) I'm so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed.  

minicheezburg

Oh honey, I remember you. I was coming in as you were stepping away. I am so sorry that you have so very much piled on you all at once. It is hard enough tackle it one thing at a time let alone a crapton. Huge hugs. Also you shouldn't ever feel bad for coming and venting.

EKGibs

(((hugs))) I'm sorry its all piling up on you. I hope things start looking up soon! your furbabies look so sweet!