Tentative

Kpsbabyzoe

I write this post very tentatively.  I'm not exactly a single parent..yet.  But, I'm not sure how to proceed with things.  DH and I are in limbo right now.  He's supposed to move out, but he won't. And frankly I keep caving and letting him stay beyond deadlines that I set for his move-out time.  I'm so nervous about doing this on my own, and nervous about starting over.  We have a 2 year old DD but we've also had two pregnancy losses, and part of me feels like this wouldn't be as hard to do if I had either of my other babies.  Then the rational part of me knows that would only make life more complicated.  I just feel so guilty like I'm taking DD's father away from her, and horrible for myself like I'm never going to be able to be pregnant again.

I have no idea what I'm asking here, or saying...just reaching out, and sort of doing an intro.

achase123

You have to make the decision whether you want to live in limbo forever and always wonder, or take the plunge and get out.  Have you tried counseling?  What are your reasons for wanting to end things?

Kpsbabyzoe

We haven't done counseling yet because despite my many attempts, MH refuses to go.  He has a lot of baggage from his childhood because he grew up with an abusive mother..which is fair...fine.  It makes sense.  But, he's emotionally detached, he's not even physically present and has never been a partner in this.  And he won't even go get help or seek counseling or even reach out to a friend despite my countless efforts.  I feel like I'm doing it on my own anyway, and I'm miserable pretending and putting on a show for everyone else.  I basically feel like his slave who cares for his child, and then is there when he feels like having sex with me. 

It's nasty and awful and I'm so over it all.  I'm just tired of being used.  I think he more likes the idea of us than he actually likes us.  And whatever, because at this point I don't even like the idea of him.

Edit: typo

littlelovelolo

Kpsbabyzoe:

We haven't done counseling yet because despite my many attempts, MH refuses to go.  He has a lot of baggage from his childhood because he grew up with an abusive mother..which is fair...fine.  It makes sense.  But, he's emotionally detached, he's not even physically present and has never been a partner in this.  And he won't even go get help or seek counseling or even reach out to a friend despite my countless efforts.  I feel like I'm doing it on my own anyway, and I'm miserable pretending and putting on a show for everyone else.  I basically feel like his slave who cares for his child, and then is there when he feels like having sex with me. 

It's nasty and awful and I'm so over it all.  I'm just tired of being used.  I think he more likes the idea of us than he actually likes us.  And whatever, because at this point I don't even like the idea of him.

Edit: typo

Holy. Flying. Figs. This is exactly what I kept saying about my XH for months and months before I finally left him. I'm much happier without him using me to make him look good. Like you, I'm afraid that I'll never be able to have another child again, but in the end you can't let that possibility stop you from doing what's right for you and your daughter. Even if you never have more children, you will end up having a stronger bond with your DD for it, cherishing her every moment twice as much as you would have before.

Kpsbabyzoe

Thanks, ladies for the words of support.  I'm more and more convinced that a separation and probably inevitable divorce is the best route for us.  After today when he napped all day instead of being nice and saying, "Oh gee, let's do something nice for Mother's Day", I've decided that I've had enough.  I'm telling him he can move out by the end of the week or I'm packing up his things and putting them outside.