Advice Needed

OrangeBird

Just looking for some advice...  I'm 7 mos pregnant.  Baby's father and I had an 8-month relationship before I left in February and moved back to my hometown in another state.  Baby's father has 2 other older children, whom I've met once (they live with their mother in another state and he has zero custody).  We have been talking about trying to work things out, but one point of contention in our relationship is finances.  He believes I should be helping to financially support his other 2 children because their mother makes less than I do, and he wants all of them to have equal financial support.  I believe my responsibility is to my own child. His other children already have a mother and a father.  I'm not sure it's reasonable or fair for them to have 3 parents, while my child will have just 2.  Am I thinking about this all wrong?  I just think my own child needs to be my #1 priority.  It also makes me nervous that he's made comments that if we can't work things out, his other 2 children will come first because they were there first.  He feels like spending time with my baby would take time away from his other children.  I'm not sure whether my thinking is backwards or his is.  What do you ladies think?

CurlyQ284

ok, no. You do not support his kids because you make more than their mom. It doesnt sound like he has any child support or custody order or this would be a nonissue. There are only a handful of states that calculate stepparent income in the child support formula. This is all if he means you send the mom money. Now while my SDs are with us, yes I do pitch in financially. We have a joint account, I have no problem if my income goes towards clothes, food, activities for the girls but my income does not go towards child support. DH and BM are the parents, they are responsible. Then if he says he will pay more attention to the other kids instead of treating them equally? He kinda sounds like a jerk and I might stay put if I were you.

suze423

First of all, how could spending time with your (and his) baby take away from his other children if he has zero custody?  And second, there is no reason why you should have to financially support his children.  I can't imagine why you would want to have a child with a man like that but that's neither here nor there at this point.  Your responsibility is to your child and his is to his children.  All 3 of them.

hopanka

Stay away from this dumba**

karatechrissy

You pro-created with a douchebag. Not sure how you didn't see the red flags and run the other direction... But whatever. That's your poor life choice you made and now you get to deal with this guy for the rest of your life. Congratulations! Ugh. I read your post and all I see is 'he is USING YOU'. If he is giving you these 'conditions' there is no question that you need to leave this man alone. Go to court an get your CS set up immediately. Leave him alone, move on with your life with your child. 

tlcondon

OMG. I read this and my jaw dropped. He thinks it is YOUR responsibility to finacially support his 2 kids because you make more than their BM.. OH HELLL NO!!! GEEZ!!!! They have a Mom. Regardless of what the incomes are.. It is those 2 kids parents responsibilities to take care of them. Yall arent even married, correct? And he doesnt even have ANY custody of those kids. Does he even pay any support? Those kids are not your financial responsibility. Now if yall are together and they are at yalls house, then yes, if you pay for food, clothes, necessities at your house, then that is expected, but to finacially support them.. um no!!

Now, when your LO gets here.. that will be your #1 priority!!!! Period, end of story.

And I dont think that his other 2 children should come first over your LO.. they should all 3 be equal. it doesnt matter who came first. I hate to hear, that so and so is more important because they are the oldest, etc, etc... makes my skin crawl... ARGH!!

His thinking is completely backwards... I think you need to get out while you can..  

 

TMarie88

hopanka:

Stay away from this dumba**

 

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