Does anyone have experience with absent parent that returns?

dmndsr4eva

I have a friend who wants to meet his child.  He was in high school when the baby was born and the mother didn't let him see the baby.  I don't know why he didn't get involved then.  I think it was because he wasn't certain if he was the father or not. 

And just to clarify this is NOT my BF.

Similar thing happened to a girl I went to HS with.  I have no idea who inititated it but after years they ended up going to court for child support.  He ended up getting one or two nights a month with his son which I was surprised by because he had been out of the child's life for like 10 years.  The visits didn't last long though.  But I know he still pays child support.  Really sad for the little boy.

FriskyPanda

A friend had her kids' BF try to come back in the picture.  She allowed a few visits at her home and then he dropped off the face of the planet.  We think he was trying to get back with her.  It's super sad for the kids, but I think they feel like they have a little more closure now (they were under 3 when he left).  

 

MrsBPO

I'm dealing with that right now with DD and her daughter and daughter's dad.  Daughter is six and DSHS located dad; daughter contacted ex (this is the second time she's done this route, and she's done it to her older daughter once as well.)  She broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years to get back with ex so they could live happily-ever-after, which lasted all of one week after he moved in/one month after he returned to town and started seeing his daughter.  They fought, she called the police and now he's having paternity challenged so he can get out of paying child support.  DD's Facebook over the past week is paragraphs upon paragraphs of "Come when you promise" and "deadbeat dads" and "I'm the one who has to hold her and dry her tears" comments.

Older daughter's dad is incarcerated (again) with a track record of such that I never even wanted her to know of her dad until she was older, let alone speak with him, but when we had custody and DD couldn't get her then-husband to support her getting GD1 back she called the ex (while incarcerated) and got his support.  My first sign that he was back in the picture was on a phone call between GD and DD (I'd not monitored the calls for a while, since I figured things were going "okay" at the time) and I heard "Hi Daddy" and DD kept in contact with him since (as a backup and because he's DD's dad, regardless of his track record of theft, drugs, alcoholism, porn and molestation).  She's now no longer in contact with her dad and has asked me why her sister has a dad and she doesn't.

I feel bad for the child, in either case, whether dad is in his life after so long or whether dad is not in his life.  I think that if he's going to enter the child's life, he needs to STAY in the child's life.  It's tough going at first because the two of them are strangers.  GD2 is in state custody (they both are) and they had dad and GD2 undergo therapy so they could learn to interact appropriately and get to know each other.

CurlyQ284

My brothers best friend in high school went through this. Dad started reappearing randomly, but relationship wasnt great. Friend turned 18 in May back in HS, had his name legally changed to stepdads last name and surprised him on fathers day (how sweet right?!) Im not sure if he is still in contact with his bio dad or not, we arent close.

wwnbw

OMG I can't believe he got time. I get CS but BF has no visitation rights. She has never met him but if he could change his mind one day and fight me I wonder if he would get time? That scares the crap out of me.

My SS's mom left for 3 years but he was 3.5 when she came back so he doesn't really remember her being gone for that long. Or maybe he does and he has blocked it out.

jurcgirl

My oldest son's father took off right after he was born and had to fight for five years for child support...after 13 years he sends me this bs letter about how much he misses him, thinks about him, wants to talk to him...so I thought it would be okay..and he (father) wrote my son a letter and they spoke on the phone for 3 months and then nothing.  He stopped answering my son's phone calls, emails and texts.  I have to tell you it was the most painful thing in the entire world.

My son does not speak of it or him, I know the pain is there and it is deep.  I knwo he feels rejected and altogether awful.  I can tell you, I will never allow it to happen again.  I was a fool once but I, as long as it is within MY power, will not let him contact my son again.  He can wait until he is 18 or the courts force me to let him. 

The utter pain I felt on my child's behalf was awful and there was not a thing I could do about it but be there and I still felt rage and inadequacy. 

 

jnjmommy0609

Well I have experience with it...but as the child side of it. Not the parent side of it. If it were up to me I never would have met my dad.  He became involved when I was 10 and then was gone by the age of 11. In between that time I saw him for an hour every sunday  All it did was make me question everything and then make me resent my dad. So in my case not the greatest experience. My dad was actually forced to though. It might be different in your friends case since he wants to meet the child  If your friend is a good guy and will actually try to be there for the child then that is great. 

 

jnjmommy0609

ugh sorry for the missing periods. Run on sentences bug me.