When you first had 2u2 what did you struggle with?

Aimes78

And how did you cope?  I am new to this board, but I'm wondering if you could share your experiences with me?  DS#2 was born last Sunday, DS#1 has been pretty good about everything, we have had a few meltdowns, but nothing terrible.  However he is 19 months old & really wants to show his affection to the baby, but doesn't know his strength.  Also he really wants to encourage #2 to play with him but  again doesn't know his own strength.  Did anyone have similar issues & if so how did you overcome them? 

MammaBear81

My older kids always wanted to "help" as you say .  So I gave them things that they could help with: handing me a diaper for changes, putting dirty clothes in the hamper for me, etc. Even at 19 months old they were able to do this.  We always expressed "nice touches" for the baby which ends up like they are petting a cat or dog, but it's better than hitting them too hard.  As for playing I'd explain that the baby can't "play" yet, but we can read books together, and they always like grabbing another book to read together.  I nursed so they couldn't help hold a bottle, but I would let them assist in burping, which consisted of a few pats on the back and then they were over it!  GL, and welcome to the board.

kattyleigh

For me, the hard part was the logistics of it all.  It was hard to figure out how to load up the car, get in the grocery store, unload the car, etc.  Eventually we got the routine down.  DS was very collicky and didn't STTN for a long long time, so it was hard dealing with DD when I was so tired, but we survived!  And it is pure magic now.  They absolutely LOVE each other.

Daisy22

My hardest thing those first few months was who to go to when one was crying. My boys are only 15 months apart so it felt like I had 2 babies. I felt guilty that I sometimes I had to let one cry more b/c the other needed me more. But Once I realized that never would have permanent damage from crying a little longer and let myself off the guilt trip things got better. Once we got into a routine things got a lot better too. Hang in there!

etude de la vie

DS was about 2 days old and DD wanted to be affectionate (16 months old)

She came up to him (I was holding him on the couch) and I said "can you give him kisses?" She got really close to give a kiss and then proceeded to scream high pitch in his ear ...literally an inch away....in excitement! He was fine but we freaked out. 

For me the hardest thing was getting DS to sleep. I would rock him to sleep and then as I was putting him in the crib DD would run in the room loudly "MAMA" and he would jolt awake. If I shut the door she would just bang on the door screaming for me. I ended up giving her the iPad before his naps or bedtime and she got really good at educational games!

This stage is hard but once he got about 6 months old I finally felt I could see daylight and get my head above water again.  

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finnsmomma

In the beginning, EVERYTHING is hard. It takes awhile to adjust to having two kids instead of just one. My OB told me that once I had the second child, I would realize that most people pay way more attention to an infant than they need to. She was right! Your older one needs time to adjust, also. Once the baby starts to get on some kind of schedule, you will feel your life slowly starting to return to normal.It definitely gets easier, day by day!!

12bailey18

I struggled with accepting that it was impossible to always please both at the same time. I'm outnumbered and I had to accept the fact that one may be screaming their head off while I tend to the other one. Of course, I will try my best to make sure that doesn't happen but sometimes it's impossible. Once I accepted that and let go of the pressure of being Super Mom-people pleaser 24/7 things got a lot better for me!

Now I have a whole new set of issues to deal with: SHARING is a huge one, DS wanting to climb in DD's crib, DS trying to pick DD up to remove her from his train set, grocery shopping is a new ballgame now that I no longer wear DD and she's grown out of her infant carseat, etc.

Aimes78

Thank you do much ladies for sharing your experiences with me & for expressing that it really does get easier.  I have had my mum living with us since ds#2 was born when she leaves on Friday I don't know what I'm going to do.

angelwings111

12bailey18:

I struggled with accepting that it was impossible to always please both at the same time. I'm outnumbered and I had to accept the fact that one may be screaming their head off while I tend to the other one. Of course, I will try my best to make sure that doesn't happen but sometimes it's impossible. Once I accepted that and let go of the pressure of being Super Mom-people pleaser 24/7 things got a lot better for me!

Now I have a whole new set of issues to deal with: SHARING is a huge one, DS wanting to climb in DD's crib, DS trying to pick DD up to remove her from his train set, grocery shopping is a new ballgame now that I no longer wear DD and she's grown out of her infant carseat, etc.

Could not agree more

kcisthebombdotcom

As another poster mentioned, the logistics of getting out of the house/getting errands done with 2 in tow was definitely tricky in the beginning. Lots of practice is what helps overcome that.

In terms of showing affection to the baby, we practiced "nice nice" with our dogs (lol) before the baby even came. I showed him gentle touch with the dogs, taught him how to touch me nicely, etc and when he acted appropriately made a huge deal of it. I would try that for the next few weeks-at 19 months he's likely to catch on quickly.

CandT

This is still a struggle. I just taught words like gentle and nice right from the start. I also made rules that she couldn't pick up baby until she was bigger and stuck with it. I would "help" her hold baby on my lap but that was it.

DD1 watches everything I do with DD2 an tries to immitate. I bought her a doll baby and she feeds her, changes her etc while I'm doing this with baby. It has gone through stages of harder, easier, harder again as they grow. Once DD2 could move around a little on her own it got easier, but now that she is cruising it's gotten a little more challenging again.

Good luck, and congrats.

MAMAxB

MammaBear81:

My older kids always wanted to "help" as you say .  So I gave them things that they could help with: handing me a diaper for changes, putting dirty clothes in the hamper for me, etc. Even at 19 months old they were able to do this.  We always expressed "nice touches" for the baby which ends up like they are petting a cat or dog, but it's better than hitting them too hard.  As for playing I'd explain that the baby can't "play" yet, but we can read books together, and they always like grabbing another book to read together.  I nursed so they couldn't help hold a bottle, but I would let them assist in burping, which consisted of a few pats on the back and then they were over it!  GL, and welcome to the board.

All of this! Except we call them "gentle touches"

I can tell you that I am 4 months in and it's getting MUCH easier! I finally feel like I have a routine in place and accomplish something during the day!

RA1109

I can honestly say we haven't had any struggles. LO2 never fusses, sleeps well, people always comment how perfect he is. Yesterday DS1 was spraying him with a hose by accident and he didn't make a peep, just sat there soaking wet. DS1 hit a great stage and is just awesome, I feel like I shouldn't breathe because it's been SO easy! We go out every day with no issues. DH and I go on more dates than ever. m a SAHM too.