Wavering As EDD Looms

FyreFlyeRush · May 2012

The closer I get to my EDD, the less I care about having a natural birth. It's not the pain. I can handle pain. I keep reading things that say "Worst pain of my life" and "Thiught I was dying." But, I KNOW I've dealt with worse. Truly, an abscessed tooth is worse pain. Red reaction from a tattoo is a 24/7 weeks long burning ache that drugs ease but don't get rid of. And, banging a broken toe on a wall is the only pain I've experienced that made me throw up. I think I'm dreading another 30 hour labor. My mom likes to say, oh that was just early labor, it doesn't count. But, it mattered to me. Sure, my active labor was an astounding 4 hours, with a 15 minute transition and a 15minute delivery. But, that 26 hours of early labor made me miserable. It didn't hurt that badly, but it dragged forever. It was discouraging and exhausting. I'm so tired this pregnancy, I don't know how I'll hold up if I have to do it again. I barely sleep more than 2 hours at a time, and haven't slept through the night my whole pregnancy. If I started having contractions right now, I'd tell them to pump me full of pitocin and get this Alien OUTTA me!

I guess I need a little reassurance. I know why I want a natural birth. It was the greatest experience of my life. I'm struggling to remember why I DON'T want intervention and meds. I'm struggling to remember why I'm so against it for me.

Bonidiebabe · May 2012

Gettin some good rest now may clear your mind for you and help you think straight. Maybe you could take some Benadryl and put on a relaxation cd to help you get some rest. Hopefully since this is your second your body will be much more efficient at laboring.

mklare · May 2012

I can't speak from experience, but I think your own experience is an advantage you're lucky to have going for you. You know what your body can handle, and you're not afraid of the pain of labor which is a HUGE step for any delivering mom. Don't feel pressured to make any certain decision. If natural birth is really that important to you, then by all means, reach out to people who support you and let them know you need them to help you stay strong at the end. On the other hand, things can change from baby #1 to baby #2. If this has been a more difficult pregnancy or if its been several years, then maybe you could benefit from a little help from a slow Pitocin drip to keep things moving and prevent exhaustion by push time. There's no shame in that if you trust your doctor and the nursing staff and you're not afraid to speak up if you think something is wrong.

From reading another of your posts (and I could be way off base here so sorry if I'm making incorrect assumptions), it seems like you got a real feeling of accomplishment and empowerment by not having an epi with your first baby. If that's your goal again, maybe you could modify your plan by accepting the Pitocin if you need it, and declining the epidural if you don't need that. Just a thought.

For what it's worth, I'm a FTM who's been dead set on as natural a birth a circumstances would allow since before I got pregnant. Then I was diagnosed with GBS and had to accept that I would be getting the IV, even if it was just with the hep-lock. I made some peace with that and told myself I could still follow the plan, and now I've gone over my due date and my doctor has put me on a timeline for delivery if I'm to remain in her care. Length of the timeline depends of the results of ultrasound monitoring of the baby's health and fluid levels - but if anything looks negative or I haven't delivered naturally by the deadline, she will insist on a Pitocin induction. That scares the hell out of me given all the horror stories I've read about Pitocin and heard from other moms about nurses who were too liberal with the drug. The plan now is to keep waiting on baby and see what happens, and if I need to be induced to give my best effort to resist the epidural or at least delay it as long as I can stand. I feel a bit like a failure for not having had the baby already and putting us into this situation in the first place (although my rational side knows that's ridiculous and couldn't be helped), but at the end of the day, I think I'm weighing my options responsibly and am making the best, most informed decisions I can for my child and myself.

I don't know the right answer for you, but at the end of the day, don't feel pressured to make any particular decision. Do what you think is best for yourself and baby and the rest will shake out on its own. Best of luck to you!