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Wave after wave....

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in Blended Families

DH tells me his mom wants to come visit next month. I told him no. I don't care what he tells her, but I said our marriage is in severe trouble and I can not take another one of your friends and family coming here for a long while.

He says, "Well what if your mom wanted to come stay a week?". 

I didn't answer him. I just gave him that look like, "You can't seriously be asking me this right now."


Seriously????  None of my family wants to come stay here. No one. Gee. I wonder f*cking why.  Besides, if my mom came, at least she'd help me cook, clean up after herself, and actually DO something with DD like take her swimming or to the park or shopping...your mom - she sits in the house all day, watches tv and talks endlessly about anything and everything pertaining to herself. She barely even acknowledges DD.

NO F*CKING WAY. 

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Re: Wave after wave....

  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    Did he bring this up admist the "I think SS had a toothache" conversation?

    What is wrong with this guy!?!??!?! he seriously cannot see how upset you are by the pill???

    Any ideas on how/ when SS got the pill? I didn't think he had a ton of cash.  although that is fairly easy and cheap to get on the streets..

                           
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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    If there are things that mean a lot to you I would start getting them out of your house and in a safe place. Can your DD stay with someone else while you're gone? Can you start taking money out of your account? Even though your DH seems clueless about all of this I woudnt under estimate him. He's sounds sneaky.
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  • WahooWahoo member

    Just leave. 

    You are over and done with this marriage and you are becoming angry and bitter.  Your anger is eating you alive, and I'm willing to bet the ranch that you're not as clever at hiding it from your DD as you want to believe.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • GwenillianGwenillian member

    imageKarma1969:
    If there are things that mean a lot to you I would start getting them out of your house and in a safe place. Can your DD stay with someone else while you're gone? Can you start taking money out of your account? Even though your DH seems clueless about all of this I woudnt under estimate him. He's sounds sneaky.

    This. Leave now. When you go out of town see if your parents can take care of DD. Get a preliminary custody order asap. At this point you/she will have no protection if you leave on business and she stays there with your H.

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  • XIrishPrincessXXIrishPrincessX
    I am pretty new around here but i've been reading your posts and they make my heart hurt for you so much. You need to take your daughter and get out, for both your sake and as soon as possible!   Can you change names on accounts so he can't touch the money? Or at least make sure you have up to date statements that you can then use to prove if he tries to take things?
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  • +j+k++j+k+

    I am divorcing him, but I can't leave.  If I leave, it will make the divorce and the financials complicated. I'm not going to get into those personal matters, but I am not going to be the one to leave. He will have to leave and he will soon when I serve papers.

    DH does not do drugs, drink, beat me, etc....he's just in serious FRICKIN denial about his family.  With SS and SD permenantly out I no longer feel I or my DD is in danger. If either of them try to come back the cops will be called.  MIL is not coming. No one is coming to visit anymore.  That is over. 

    I'm not in a dangerous situation so it's a little silly to just leave until my lawyers and I get everything worked out.  I'm just annoyed that he just isn't getting it and he is in serious denial.

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  • SueBearSueBear member

    I agree with the others who have said that your anger is making you bitter.

    I know you have gone through a lot, but every time you post you sound incredibly ugly, and it keeps getting worse.  The more you post, the more you just sound like a nasty, nasty person.   

    If you can't serve your H with papers within 30 days, then your child would be better off living with your parents, or anybody, really.  Sometimes the financial hit short term is a better choice in the long term.  You are NOT in a healthy place for your DD.  Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are.  You sound sick - literally like you are descending into madness. 

    You and your child will be better off leaving now without a penny to your name than sticking around. 

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    image+j+k+:

    I am divorcing him, but I can't leave.  If I leave, it will make the divorce and the financials complicated. I'm not going to get into those personal matters, but I am not going to be the one to leave. He will have to leave and he will soon when I serve papers.

    DH does not do drugs, drink, beat me, etc....he's just in serious FRICKIN denial about his family.  With SS and SD permenantly out I no longer feel I or my DD is in danger. If either of them try to come back the cops will be called.  MIL is not coming. No one is coming to visit anymore.  That is over. 

    I'm not in a dangerous situation so it's a little silly to just leave until my lawyers and I get everything worked out.  I'm just annoyed that he just isn't getting it and he is in serious denial.

    Your DH is in denial about the drug addicts that he keeps inviting into your home and the drugs sitting around on the floor in your home, your DD unfortunately is in danger.  

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • GwenillianGwenillian member
    Earlier it sounded like you were afraid if you served him with papers now he might take your DD while you were out of town in June. That & the fact that he doesn't seem to get how it is dangerous to have her around the drug addict & his other kid who threatened her is primarily why I responded that way.
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  • GwenillianGwenillian member
    image+j+k+:

    DH does not do drugs, drink, beat me, etc....he's just in serious FRICKIN denial about his family.  With SS and SD permenantly out I no longer feel I or my DD is in danger. If either of them try to come back the cops will be called.  MIL is not coming. No one is coming to visit anymore.  That is over. 

    I'm not in a dangerous situation so it's a little silly to just leave until my lawyers and I get everything worked out.  I'm just annoyed that he just isn't getting it and he is in serious denial.

    Also, you really do not have control over the bolded. If you are there, the cops will be called, but he can have whomever he wants come while you are gone.

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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    image+j+k+:

    I am divorcing him, but I can't leave.  If I leave, it will make the divorce and the financials complicated. I'm not going to get into those personal matters, but I am not going to be the one to leave. He will have to leave and he will soon when I serve papers.

    DH does not do drugs, drink, beat me, etc....he's just in serious FRICKIN denial about his family.  With SS and SD permenantly out I no longer feel I or my DD is in danger. If either of them try to come back the cops will be called.  MIL is not coming. No one is coming to visit anymore.  That is over. 

    I'm not in a dangerous situation so it's a little silly to just leave until my lawyers and I get everything worked out.  I'm just annoyed that he just isn't getting it and he is in serious denial.

    Putting money before your DD is an awful choice. Additionally from the court perspective if you leave her with your H it will appear as if you believe she is safe with him now without any restrictions so you will have a hard time having any type of restrictive parenting order in place once you/he leaves.
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  • MarSamWhitneyMarSamWhitney member
    imagewendilea:
    imageWahoo:

    Just leave. 

    You are over and done with this marriage and you are becoming angry and bitter.  Your anger is eating you alive, and I'm willing to bet the ranch that you're not as clever at hiding it from your DD as you want to believe.

    This.  For your mental health and overall safety of yourself and DD, get out. He's not going to change, you're not going to save him.

    Tritto, get out of there. This is getting rediculous.



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  • hopecountshopecounts member

    Please file before your trip.

    My BIL got custody of his girls because he found out she was planning to file to move in with the guy she was cheating on him with and when she was out one day changed the locks and filed. Since he had possession of the home and the girls the court found that it was a more stable environment and gave him custody. I read the decision while I had access in law school and I'm summarizing but that's basically what it came down to and she was a SAHM and primary caregiver.

    Even if the court eventually finds in your favor it puts your STBX in the power position and it will be very hard to get the restrictions you want if you voluntarily left her with him just a few weeks prior for an extended time. Unless he's an idiot and doesn't get a lawyer or his lawyer is an idiot they'd have no reason to agree to your terms since it's unlikely a judge is going to be that restrictive if you were unconcerned enough to leave them unsupervised just before the split.

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  • DaringMissDaringMiss member
    image+j+k+:
    DH does not do drugs, drink, beat me, etc....he's just in serious FRICKIN denial about his family.  With SS and SD permenantly out I no longer feel I or my DD is in danger. If either of them try to come back the cops will be called.  MIL is not coming. No one is coming to visit anymore.  That is over. 

    Actually, you are the one in denial.   Do you really think that your soon-to-be-ex husband won't let SS and SD back into his house?  The man has no judgment.

    Please write into your CO that he can't have either one of those two in his house while your daughter is with him.    

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