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dmndsr4eva
member
Will this matter to a judge?
dmndsr4eva
member
So far ex's GF has not spoken to me. It's been about 8 months. As some of you may recall I emailed her ONCE and told her that she could go ahead and have ex as he wasn't worth it because he has abandoned TWO families. (which I agree was a mistake however I felt better letting her know how I felt about her) And told her that I knew that she had been pining away for him while we were together. (she showed up at both of his gparents funerals while we were together/took off work to come and console him) It wasn't a nice email but it wasn't threatening. That was like 4-5 months ago.
Otherwise him and I have had a few unkind emails and texts. The most I have said is that his GF is a slut because he told me that he wished he could talk to my BF and tell him what a terrible person I am.
So this morning she comes up to me at the drop off and starts telling me that if I don't leave ex alone she is going to tell the judge what a terrible person I am. I told her to get out of my face and that anything between me and ex is none of her business. There was yelling and name calling. It was bad.
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Re: Will this matter to a judge?
You need help.
Seriously.
Are you also the same person who emailed your ex a photo of your boyfriend's penis? Even if you aren't, the fact that I am confusing you with that same person says volumes about you.
Hopefully the judge will pick up that you are bat-sh*t crazy, but I'm not sure the girlfriend needs to say anything for the judge to come to that conclusion.
No that was NOT me. People go through this all the time so I don't see how this is so shocking to you. This type of situation causes drama more often than not.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Wahoo- that was Liubot, thank goodness there aren't kids in that situation.
Diamonds- it's really sad that you think this type of drama is common, it's not. You have done plenty to show that you are not stable. How much of that your ex has proof of I don't know.
You have got to get your act together. It's been almost a year and your posts still alternate between how hurt/ not over your ex you are and the life you are planning with your 'future husband'.
Your son deserves better than the way the 'adults' in his life are behaving.
First question: where was your son during all of the yelling and name calling? Do you even consider him in all of this? That sort of thing is what can cause so much damage to children.
Next: you're a mother and grown woman-act like an adult. You cannot control your XH's GF's actions but you can control your own. Grow the eff up. Like yesterday.
And finally: I've said it before but I cannot resist saying it again for the 4,354th time: you have ZERO business being in a relationship when you still have all of these unresolved emotions. If you were in a proper place, a place where you actually could have a HEALTHY, ADULT relationship, you would NEVER consider degrading your XH's GF. You'd be so far past that and above that it wouldn't even cross your mind.
I agree. I know it isn't an excuse but I was very blindsided. It was inappropriate for her to confront me in front of my child. Not to mention it was in the parking lot of my work.
Oh, even better. You let your employers witness this. Gold stars all around for you today.
The more you post the more I'm convinced you aren't real. No one is a glutton for punishment like this. At least I hope.
I think this is the same response I give you all the time, but I'm hoping it will sink in one day. Until you acknowledge that you are not in an emotionally healthy place and start working on addressing your emotions and building positive coping skills that allow you to behave gracefully in situations like this, your actions and behavior will continue to poison your relationships and negatively affect your child.
This particular situation is a wash for me. The gf probably shouldn't been at the drop off and shouldn't have confronted you, but you also have no business emailing her directly to trash him or calling her a slut. Be better than them, don't sink to their level. The fact that you continue to post about the break up and emails to the gf directly after the break up detailing their fault shows that you are not at all able to put this behind you and heal. You need to work on that.
diamonds. at the point that she confronted you where was your ex? he just let this happen? I can't imagine that she got out and said hey how are you then proceeded to call you all sorts of names. I don't even know how it ended but all you needed to do was turn around and walk away. no need to engage in name calling etc etc.
you really need therapy. its clear you arent over your ex
Oh people like this most certainly DO exist. They just tend to post on baby-gaga with their like-minded peers.
The two of them very clearly planned it out. She normally stays in the car so she came over to my car with him this time and stayed after he walked away with my son. He obviously knew this was going to happen.
FWIW, I do have a therapist and she said that my feelings are justified. She said that it takes at least a year or sometimes much longer for someone to get over being betrayed. And she said that every person giving me advice that it is not ok to be hurt or have anger is wrong. And that it doesn't mean that I am not over him.
She also told me about another woman that she knew who was cheating with a married man. The wife beat the crap out of her in front of her child. And the woman didn't even report her to the cops. Not really sure what the point was but anywhoo interesting story. People do crazy *** over "love".
Nobody is saying you don't have a right to be hurt or angry, we're saying you've let it become toxic to the point where it is ruining your life and negatively affecting your kiddo.
ETA: either your therapist sucks because she thinks you're behaving in an emotionally healthy way or your sessions must be driving her to drink.
The bolded underlined part I agree with. Which is WHY you shouldn't be in a relationship now.
Don't you SEE what everyone is trying to tell you? You have a choice in all of this. It is YOUR life. You made a choice to engage with the other woman in front of your child and at your place of employment. You have a CHOICE to take time out from being in a relationship to really get over what happened and heal. Everything that happens to us in life doesn't justify continuing on a path of destruction.
The biggest thing is you have the CHOICE to change the way your life has gone but you are making the decision not to by playing the victim with your X and his GF AND by jumping headlong into another relationship. It's only going to end badly and you'll, of course, try to blame everyone but yourself. But the common theme here is YOU and YOUR actions. I just wish for your child's sake you would change this course before you wreck not only your life but his.
For the record he didn't entirely abadon anyone. He pays child support and sees his kids. However he emotionally abandoned me and his exwife. He told everyone that she cheated on him and that is why they split. I believed him because that is what him and his family all told me. Now I see that they are all liars or he is a liar and convinced his family of the lies.
You should have just flipped her off, got in your car and left.
Your child shouldn't have witnessed this, I think you know that now. I also understand that it's difficult to not do anything when she of all people approaches you that way and starts insulting you. You have a lot of resentment towards this woman that your ex cheated with and who is now throwing her weight around you. Your therapist is right that feeling resentful is completely justified, but honestly - acting like that is not. Bottom line, next time something like that happens, remember not to contribute to STRESSING OUT YOUR KID. That's what it's about, no about some tw*t. Like I said, if you feel like you have to do something, flip her off and walk away. It's quiet, but you still get to communicate to her that she should go f*ck herself.
THIS!
You seem to feel entitled to be able to treat ex and his gf poorly. What goes around, comes around, as you are (hopefully) seeing.
I agree w/ PP that you're confusing the feelings vs behavior issue.
You've shown your ex and his gf that you are willing to behave irrationally in front of the kid. You're freely giving him leverage to use against you. Why would you do that?
If it were me, and I saw you were willing to do that in public, I'd have big concerns about what goes on in private. Not trying to be mean here; but I am trying to say that from an outsider's perspective, there's absolutely no valid reason for that behavior.
"FWIW, I do have a therapist and she said that my feelings are justified. She said that it takes at least a year or sometimes much longer for someone to get over being betrayed. And she said that every person giving me advice that it is not ok to be hurt or have anger is wrong. And that it doesn't mean that I am not over him."
Your feelings are totally justified. But your actions are way out of line. Yes, this will matter to a judge. He/She need to see you as as responsible, mature adult who is capable of acting in the best interest of her child above and beyond all else. It's absolutely okay to be hurt and angry. Not okay to let it leach onto your son though. Get a grip.