Considering trying for a natural birth but...

Blackrose1918

For years I swore that if/when I decided to have children I would want an epidural. Now that I'm pregnant with my DS, I'm seriously considering trying to go natural. In this plan of mine, it's kind of a "let's play it by ear and see how I handle it" kind of thing. IF I do opt for artificial pain relief, I'd like a walking epidural, but I haven't had a chance to ask if my hospital has an anesthesiologist that can perform one. I would want the minimum amount of interference. The thing is, DH and his father (who I see A LOT) are against natural birth and find it absurd that in this time of advanced medical practices and achievements anyone would want to deliver naturally. How/when do I bring this up? Like I said, it's not definite, just that I'd like to try to go that route.

unstuck6jb

All men are different, but the men in my life have a difficult time understanding the specialness of a woman giving birth and what it could mean to do so naturally, therefor my first attempts to try and explain my desire for natural childbirth was just completely lost on the men around me.  I finally had to start putting things in terms of the health risks and benefits and get their support from that standpoint.  Men just tend to be a little more black and white so I think the emotional side of childbirth is just very hard for them to understand.  Anyway, depending on what your reasons are you might benefit from starting from the standpoint of the health benefits for you and baby by trying to go natural.  Also, I found lots of ladies on this board recommended the movie "The Business of Being Born" and my DH and I are actually going to watch it together this weekend.  I previewed it already and I think it will be great background information for DH and help him have a little more perspective as to how I feel.  GL, I hope you have success in talking to them about it!

dosafyre

In this day and age, its tempting to think of medical interventions as these magic "make-it-all-better" no brainers. But the truth is, medical produres of all types (whether its a medicine perscription or c-section) carry risks, side-effects, benefits and consequences to be weighed and thought through.

Maybe putting together a pro/con list or natural birth and epidurals, etc might help them see more of the details and how they might affect you and the baby. My DH tends to react better when I can lay it all out for him...otherwise, it's just a black and white issue for him too.

ELF4321

If YH is not going to be supportive of your desire to try to avoid interventions, you might want to seriously consider a doula for labor support, and laboring at home with her help as long as possible before heading to the hospital.  It's expensive, but completely worth it.  They are trained in non-medicated pain relief methods too.

You will almost certainly hit a point during labor when you feel like you can't handle it anymore, at which point you may easily give in if YH or the doctor suggests getting an epi.  A doula or other supportive person can help remind you of what you wanted and help to make sure the epi is really what you want to do, or if it is just a moment of weakness that will pass.  We actually developed a "code word" to use if I really do want pain meds, as opposed to just the likely "it hurts, make it stop" crying that will certainly happen at some point, which I have instructed DH to ignore unless I actually use the code word.

Also, if you're not sure how your doctor feels about natural birth practices, I recommend doing your research and figuring out the details of what you want and don't want as early as possible to discuss in detail with them.  I made the mistake of just generally mentioning "natural birth" to them and was assured they are natural birth friendly, but when I got into the details of my birth plan with them a few weeks ago, realized that almost everything I wanted was going to be a huge fight with them at the time of labor.  So I ended up leaving my OB practice at 37 weeks to switch to a midwife group.  It was stressful and would have been much easier to do earlier on, if I'd been more clear about what I wanted.

Good luck!

FyreFlyeRush

ELF4321:

If YH is not going to be supportive of your desire to try to avoid interventions, you might want to seriously consider a doula for labor support, and laboring at home with her help as long as possible before heading to the hospital.  It's expensive, but completely worth it.  They are trained in non-medicated pain relief methods too.

You will almost certainly hit a point during labor when you feel like you can't handle it anymore, at which point you may easily give in if YH or the doctor suggests getting an epi.  A doula or other supportive person can help remind you of what you wanted and help to make sure the epi is really what you want to do, or if it is just a moment of weakness that will pass.  We actually developed a "code word" to use if I really do want pain meds, as opposed to just the likely "it hurts, make it stop" crying that will certainly happen at some point, which I have instructed DH to ignore unless I actually use the code word.

Also, if you're not sure how your doctor feels about natural birth practices, I recommend doing your research and figuring out the details of what you want and don't want as early as possible to discuss in detail with them.  I made the mistake of just generally mentioning "natural birth" to them and was assured they are natural birth friendly, but when I got into the details of my birth plan with them a few weeks ago, realized that almost everything I wanted was going to be a huge fight with them at the time of labor.  So I ended up leaving my OB practice at 37 weeks to switch to a midwife group.  It was stressful and would have been much easier to do earlier on, if I'd been more clear about what I wanted.

Good luck!

This exactly.

Also, a tip...tell the staff not to offer you pain meds, and your doula to verify with you several times if you ask for one. Women tend to cave when the doctor or nurse so gently ask, "Are you sure you don't want an epidural? We can get you one. You don't have to do this." you're in pain and you're vulnerable an they jump. Sadly, they think they have your best interests at heart.

And, educate yourself. It's not knowing that adds to pain. It's a truly rewarding experience. My BFF has three natural births, not by choice, and when she mentioned getting an epidural this time, I asked her how she felt after each delivery...and she said, "It's awesome. I wouldn't trade it. Hell, I can do it again!" 

monkeyqueen

I'm so glad that you are going to prepare for med-free birth.    Make sure to mention to your DH that epidurals don't always work, so it is wise for you (and him) to prepare for med-free.    Hiring a doula could also be helpful.

One thing that helped me throughout all of my pregnancies and labours (and I suspect recovery), was practicing pilates and focusing on the pilates breathing technique.    It was the single most useful thing to me during labour.

caralck

Just would like to say that walking epidurals are kind of like an urban legend.  In theory they could be done but in actuality, once you get an epidural of any sort, they usually make you stay in bed because they can't guarantee that you'll only lose sensation and not motor control.  At least that's what several anesthesiologists I know have told me.  Plus, when you get one later in labor, it's often harder to get a good sensory block without using higher doses.  Personally, I don't want to risk the rare chance of a spinal headache from the epidural.  Crazy reason to not get one, I know, but I've seen patients with those and I'm a wuss when I get normal headaches.  I think pointing out to your partner that epidurals don't always work and you don't get one the second you go into labor is a good point.  You need some coping tricks/strategies to make it through, regardless of the pain relief choices you make.  Good luck!

3003girl

uh - it's not his body? lol. 

If my DH wanted to dictate how I labored I would say, Thanks for your input, I've thought about what you said and I respect your opinion, but I'd like to do it this way.

nosoup4u

Blackrose1918:

The thing is, DH and his father (who I see A LOT) are against natural birth and find it absurd that in this time of advanced medical practices and achievements anyone would want to deliver naturally. How/when do I bring this up? Like I said, it's not definite, just that I'd like to try to go that route.

With the doctor? Your DH and FIL have no business telling you to get an epidural or not (especially your FIL! I love it when men talk about how they'd handle childbirth...).

That said, you might want to have someone who supports your plans. Can you talk frankly to your DH about possibly going med-free? I think it's totally a good plan to start out med-free, and get the epidural if necessary. Definitely find out if your hospital does a walking epidural, bc not all of them do. hth and good luck.

julyjennifer

It's your birth and so you don't have to justify your plans to anyone, but it WILL be good for your DH to understand your wishes and be supportive.

You might like to take a natural-friendly childbirth course with your DH, such as Bradley method classes.  He will learn over the course of the class the reasons for preparing to birth naturally, and it will be someone else telling him and not you so maybe it will be more well-received.

Those classes are usually more expensive and have more sessions than a hospital class, but you get what you pay for.  If your husband questions why you need such a class, you can explain that while you're not opposed to getting an epidural if you feel that's the best thing for you at the time, but they don't always "take" for everyone so it makes sense to have other tools and strategies ready for managing your labor.  Plus, even if you do plan to get an epidural, like the others have said you will have some laboring to do before you get it so you'll want to be ready to deal with that.  We took the Bradley class, and by the end, DH was a proponent of natural birth, where beforehand I'd say he probably had no strong opinion either way.  I feel that the class prepared us very well for a happy and healthy birth.

If I were you, I would (a) read several books about natural childbirth, (b) take an out of hospital class, and (c) strongly consider hiring a doula.

You can advise your DH that studies have shown that having a doula results in shorter labors, less painful labors, and less risk of surgery needed.  In this day and age where doulas are so accessible, why would anyone NOT avail themselves of these benefits?

 

Blackrose1918

Thank you all! These are some great ideas and suggestions, and it feels so great to have other moms to advise me on this most delicate of subjects. You all are great. Hopefully this goes well. I'll be getting more information at a Before Baby Fair at the hospital this weekend, and then talking with my midwife in a couple weeks.

Celyn

I didn't see anyone mention that a "walking epidural" is a misnomer.  I've never been anywhere that they allow a mom to get up with an epidural, even if she can feel and move her legs.

ashleyelizabeth23

An epidural basically makes you loose sensation to your entire lower body, so you are not physically able to stand, move your legs, empty your bladder. Unfortunately you cannot walk around. There are however some other options for pain medication, if you want to still be able to move freely. I too want to be able to walk and move around.

Blackrose1918

ashleyelizabeth23:

An epidural basically makes you loose sensation to your entire lower body, so you are not physically able to stand, move your legs, empty your bladder. Unfortunately you cannot walk around. There are however some other options for pain medication, if you want to still be able to move freely. I too want to be able to walk and move around.

The "walking epidural" I've heard of apparently doesn't totally desensitize you, but the hospital staff still won't let you walk around. The other options I've heard of are tranquilizers, narcotics (synthetic/natural based), and other things that I'm not comfortable putting into my body while pregnant. Also, from what I understand (correct me if I'm wrong ladies) a lot of these can interfere with your mental state (awareness, alertness, memory) and I want to be an active participant in my labor. There don't seem to be many options for good medicated pain relief that doesn't infringe on one's ability to do as she feels she must, which is what originally led me to the idea of natural birth.

BootsOrHearts

dosafyre:

In this day and age, its tempting to think of medical interventions as these magic "make-it-all-better" no brainers. But the truth is, medical produres of all types (whether its a medicine perscription or c-section) carry risks, side-effects, benefits and consequences to be weighed and thought through.

Maybe putting together a pro/con list or natural birth and epidurals, etc might help them see more of the details and how they might affect you and the baby. My DH tends to react better when I can lay it all out for him...otherwise, it's just a black and white issue for him too.

 

This! It's tempting to think of epidurals a magic pain relief, but there's no such thing as a free lunch, unfortunately. There are many side effects, some more serious than others, and some women report that the pain relief was minimal or non-existent. Of course at the end of the day, it's totally your choice but weigh the options carefully!

redheadinlove

I don't have advice about bringing it up with your husband, but I just want to say, if I had gone in saying "I'm going to see how I handle it" I would have had an epidural. Heck, I begged for one and I was fully committed to natural birth. But I was in a birth center and my labor was going quickly, thank god. I didn't have time to transfer and get one. Childbirth is painful, period. I whole heartedly believe natural birth is the best thing, but you have to be committed to it so that you can be prepared for the fact that it's going to hurt and you're going to have to figure out a way to deal with it.