Going back to work

BronwynJaede

I started back at work Monday of last week, although I've since taken a couple of days off and worked several half days.  I work in a government office where we process applications lodged by people of all ages, so when you open mail or answer the phone you never know if you could be dealing with a baby's application.  I am finding it very hard.  I have supportive managers and colleagues, but we are in a very busy office and I feel so guilty for not pulling my weight.

How did/are you dealing with returning to work?  What helped?

Thank you.

 

 

doodlescaboodles

I took about a month off after I lost my girls. In my office there are 2 other girls who are also pregnant. We were all 4 weeks apart. as much I as I try not to be jealous when they talk about onsies or their next US appt...it's hard. I've learned to just walk away or go into the next room. There are times too...if I need to I go out my car and cry. It's better to get it out then try to struggle through the day keeping it in. I hope all goes well for you. You are stronger than you think!

dexnmav

I have an amazing student (I'm a student advisor) that made me a scream pillow for my office and a "thought jar" so when I need to let something out, I can write it on a little piece of paper and put it in the jar. She checks on me every week too, which is super sweet of her. 

careyalis

I took a full 6 weeks before returning to work.  Right after I lost Avery, I thought that 6 weeks sounded like way too long since I wasn't taking care of a newborn.  I came to find out that I needed every minute of that time to get to a place where I was stable enough to take care of other people.  (I teach 2nd grade)  I came in a couple of days before my return to visit the students so that it wouldn't be such a shock on my first full day back.  That helped me to transition back into the swing of things.  My coworkers have been extremely supportive and have helped me to cope when I am feeling down.  I think it helps that I teach at the Catholic school for the parish where we belong.  I was able to see some of my students and their families at church before returning which also eased some of my anxiety. 

tubbsy32

I have yet to go back to work. I qualified for 12 weeks through FMLA (should have gone back end of April), but I was having such anxiety attacks that my dr and I thought it would be best to stay out the remainder of the school year and have a fresh start in September. Just knowing that I have more time has relieved some of my anxiety. I teach preschool and 3 of my students' mothers were due within weeks of me; so every morning when their moms drop them off I would have had to see newborns. My supervisors have been very supportive which is also very helpful. I felt guilty at first for not going back, but I think this will be best for everyone, including my students.

jbranden12

I went back to work 10 days after we lost Patricia. It was easier then than it is now, because I was still in a state of shock and everyone tried to be sensitive and supportive. It's much harder now that everyone expects me to be back to normal, and I still seem to be getting worse.

I was a really high performer, so I understand feeling a little guilty. I'm trying to push that aside and remind myself that I don't owe my employer that. I've found that the best thing for me is to be honest. I'll do as much work as I can and try to stay focused, but I'm not going to pretend that everything is okay. I find that when I try to laugh and joke and act like everything is okay, my lows are much lower than if I just stay at a steady pace and keep to myself a little bit.

tuscanbride2007

I am currently struggling with when to go back. I met my boss for lunch yesterday and he basically told me whenever I am ready. He also suggested that I take partial days and ease into it. He lost his son in a car accident at 17, so he knows what it is like to lose a child. I am very lucky to work with such a caring person. It still is hard to think about walking through those doors but I need to get back to it!

BronwynJaede

Thank you for all of your advice and for sharing your experiences. 

 

weddedwife

I took 6 weeks off. It was awkward going back, and sometimes still is. I work in a male-dominated profession, so it was weird enough even being pg there. Only a few people said anything at all when I went back, which was hard. I felt distracted and unproductive for quite a while but eventually it did give me moments where I could focus on something else and keep my mind busy.

One thing that helped is they allowed me to work a modified schedule (1/2 days on Weds.) so I can attend a support group.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

My situation is a bit different as I work from home.  It was hard when I went back to work though.  I was still on maternity leave when Corbin passed.  I wasn't supposed to be going back until 1/23/12 but ended up starting again 1/3/12.  The first couple of days were hard because I couldn't stop thinking about how I should still be off.  To make matters worse, my plan was to start working again and quit.  I was doing ok for a bit and then when 1/23 came I was super down and it took half the day to figure out that that was the day I was supposed to start working again.  I still have days where I'm super sad that I'm still working and I hate my job so that doesn't help.  It has been nice to work from home though when I have the low days because at least I can cry in total peace - but I'm also at home and surrounded by all of Corbin's things.  I've had to actually go to the office twice since our loss.  The first time I only went for half a day and the last time I went for an hour.  Going back to work was hard but it did give me something to do.

barrona

I went back 6 weeks after our loss. I honestly didn't think I would need that, but I am so very glad I did. I will not lie; it was very, very difficult to go back (for me anyways). It was nice to have something to do, but breaking down crying in the office just isn't fun. I luckily have a great boss that told if there are any days where I couldn't make it through the day, I could just leave and work from home. I've only done this two times so far, but it was much needed. I'm not sure how thoughtful your boss is, but I found that it was helpful to just be honest with how much I was truly stuggling and not to put on a face. If you have to leave, you have to leave. I understand the feeling of not pulling your weight, but you need to take care of you first before you can take care of work. I'll be thinking about you and sending you ((hugs)).

pb127

(((hugs)))  I WAH mostly, so I'll answer for DH. I know what helped him the most was to let people hug him and things the first few days, but after that he set the tone with kind of making it clear that he wanted to try to return to some semblance of a "normal" life. That said, I know he needed to take time for himself a few times a day the first few days and everyone was very understanding of that. 

I hope your return to full time is okay. Sending T&Ps and (((hugs)))

nuttycoconut

I'm a first grade teacher so I took 8 weeks off after I lost Max and Molly. I also went back the week before February vacation so I would work a full week and have a full week off so that helped in the transition. It's been very difficult because I can't just leave the room if I'm upset. I also have to be 100% on every moment of the day since my class is very difficult to manage this year. They are very needy, as are the parents, and me being out for 8 weeks has only made everyone even more needy. It's been tough to say the least. I usually love teaching and look forward to going to work each day. However,  I recently had to go on anxiety meds just to get through the day. I've also had to leave a few times and call out a few times. I'm also not sleeping because I'm so anxious about work.  I probably should have taken the rest of the school year off but I wanted to save some maternity leave for a future rainbow baby and we need my infertility insurance. The staff in my school has been very kind and helpful so that is a bit of silver lining.

I hope your return to full time work is much better than mine has been! Sending strength and hugs! I hope you have some flexibility to call out or leave if you need to. Sometimes just knowing that I can if I need to helps me get through the day. GL to you.