s/o stopping bedsharing--help!

skyejo

I've bedshared with DD from the night she was born until a few weeks ago.  I decided to stop because her constant wiggling all night long was driving me bonkers and since she wakes up every time I get up (to go to the bathroom or to get ready for work) I knew that bedsharing wouldn't work once #2 arrives with all the nursing and diaper changes. 

DD is now in her crib and I'm sleeping in the bed that's in her room. I decided to sleep in there because I thought she would be comforted knowing that while I wasn't snuggled up to her, I was still right there.  Twice she has STTN (which is rare) but most nights she wakes after only a few hours and doesn't want to lay back down in her crib.  I've never let her cry so when she freaks out I bring her to bed with me.

Also, she won't let DH lay her down.  She cries and cries for me to come.

I just don't know if I'm going about this all wrong.  Should I not be in the same room with her? Should I try harder to get her to stay in the crib rather than having her come to bed with me? Is there some secret on how to get toddlers to sleep that I'm missing here?

tokenhoser

She's not going to be happy with change. She's happy in bed with you. If you want things to change, she has to be unhappy for a little bit. That's been my experience, anyway. If you want her to be in her crib, I would sleep in the room with her but not bring her into bed with you. Comfort her as you want to (pick up or try just sitting on the floor beside her and talking camly while patting through the crib slats if your hand fits). Then give her a couple minutes to try to calm down in the crib.

It's hard, but if you need something to change before a kid wants to do it herself, it's going to be hard. There isn't an off button on these darn things.

skyejo

tokenhoser:

She's not going to be happy with change. She's happy in bed with you. If you want things to change, she has to be unhappy for a little bit. That's been my experience, anyway. If you want her to be in her crib, I would sleep in the room with her but not bring her into bed with you. Comfort her as you want to (pick up or try just sitting on the floor beside her and talking camly while patting through the crib slats if your hand fits). Then give her a couple minutes to try to calm down in the crib.

It's hard, but if you need something to change before a kid wants to do it herself, it's going to be hard. There isn't an off button on these darn things.

But I wanted someone to tell me that there was an off switch

I was sort of thinking the same thing.  I feel that if I keep picking her up out of her crib and bringing her to bed we're not going to move forward.  It's just tough for me to hear her wail on and on when I know that I can solve it by just letting her sleep with me.  But since that's what I'm trying to avoid I'm not really helping myself here. 

I also wonder if I should hold off on this for a few more months.  Part of me feels that maybe she will be ready then, but the other part of me knows how change has always been tough for her and I don't know if waiting will do us any good.

rosiemomma

I have been using the 'sleep lady shuffle' my daughter is a bit older but this is what I do:

We have our regular routine, teeth brushing, books, snuggles and nursing. I than say "Oh mommy needs to go potty, stay  in bed" I then get up and wit  few minutes and go back in, I kiss her cuddle her and sometimes read another book, I than do the 'forgetful mommy' trick over and over until she falls asleep waiting for me. The first nights it took a long time but after sticking to  it she now falls asleep quicker and doesn't get mad at all. My daughter sleeps in a bed BTW.

skyejo

intheflowers:

Having my H sleep with LO was key for us, helped break the boob to sleep association. We just did it in the past few weeks though and LO has a floor bed so he could just lay down with him. Has your H ever put her to sleep? Like if you aren't around at all? 

When I stopped our all night nursing sessions DH took over cuddling with LO for the first week and it worked fabulously.  After that I started having LO sleep close to me again since DH is a really deep sleeper.  DH was able to lay her down to sleep for the night and for naps, both which she took in our bed.  It's just this crib thing that's throwing a loop into it.  For whatever reason LO refuses to let DH lay her down in the crib. 

skyejo

rosiemomma:

I have been using the 'sleep lady shuffle' my daughter is a bit older but this is what I do:

We have our regular routine, teeth brushing, books, snuggles and nursing. I than say "Oh mommy needs to go potty, stay  in bed" I then get up and wit  few minutes and go back in, I kiss her cuddle her and sometimes read another book, I than do the 'forgetful mommy' trick over and over until she falls asleep waiting for me. The first nights it took a long time but after sticking to  it she now falls asleep quicker and doesn't get mad at all. My daughter sleeps in a bed BTW.

I've heard of the Sleep Lady Shuffle but haven't looked into it.  I'll definitely be checking it out.  Thanks!