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July 2012 Moms
CaliVal
member
Going to Bars While Pregnant
CaliVal
member
I have a really close friend who's reply to me attempting to hang out with her lately has been along the lines of, "I'm going to [insert bar or club name], you should come along too! Get out a little."
My reaction to this is that I think that she, although she doesn't have kids and isn't pregnant, is being a little insensitive and rude to ask me to go. I think that a bar is not a fitting place for a woman that is 7 months pregnant to be at. In my opinion, it gives the view that you are a soon-to-be-mom who is trying to hold on onto your youth as much as possible before your baby arrives, and you should find something else to occupy your time.
Am I off base? Obviously I don't think anyone on here would go to a bar and drink, but am I weird to think bars are not a place where pregnant woman should be spending their time? Thanks for any input.
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Re: Going to Bars While Pregnant
I know, right?! Also, pregnant women driving cars---what on earth do they think they are doing?! Totes inappropriate for women to be out and about, operating heavy machinery, when we all know they should just pack it in for the next 25 years, watch daytime TV, and do crafts.
(to answer your question: yes. you are weird)
I don't know your friend from Adam, but it sounds like she's just trying to be nice and trying to include you. I wouldn't call her insensitive...especially since she hasn't been preggo before. Again, I don't know your friend, but I don't see that as asking you to come out, be wild and drink.
Before I got pregnant, I thought that I would continue to hang out with my friends at the bar when I was preggo... but now I'm like you - I feel awkward even thinking about going!
) So you're not alone feeling like that! Hubby tries to plan something fun for us when my friends have girls night out...hang in there - not much longer! 
)
I think its depends on individual perspective. I went to a bar Monday evening to watch a soccer game with my DH and friends and I plan on going to a friends birthday happy hour next Friday at another bar.
I don't think that just because I am pregnant doesn't mean that I can't go to a bar. I definitely don't think that it means that I am clinging to my youth as much as possible ... Rather I am just going out to see a few friends and have a great time ? As long as the bar has enough places to sit, isn't too crowded and serves gingerale and water I don't see anything wrong with going to one ...
As I mentioned before its individual perspective and if it makes you uncomfortable then you shouldn't go ...
haha actually I've found myself at the bar with friends for bday parties a few times during my pregnancy. I don't think it reflects negatively to stand around for a few hours with a glass of orange juice/water/ etc and dance with your belly.
In fact, the DH enjoys this time bc he can have a couple beers with our friends, dance with me, and have a safe drive home. (He was always the DD so he takes full advantage now)
I like to think this is kind of my way to still be around with my friends while showing the DH just because we're having a child, we can still have fun every now and then doing something that's not baby/pregnancy-centered.
Not saying you should become a regular at the bar, but treating your spouse to a night out and hanging with girls will be missed in months to come when everyone you know is supposed to cater to you and baby.
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(in response to missusbee)
It's not like I asked if women shouldn't work outside of the house, I asked if it looks weird for pregnant women to be going to places where you generally go to do one of the following: A: meet single people that you can potentially date B. dance inappropriately with strangers and C. get wasted. But thanks for the snide response!
I've kind of grown out of the "club scene" but I never pass up the chance to go hang with friends and the husband at our local pub... I just plop myself on a stool and enjoy my ginger ale (sometimes I'll splurge and ask for cherries in it, ha). I say go out and enjoy yourself and don't worry about what others think/say. Be grateful that your friends still want to have you come along - it may not be so easy once your LO is here. I certainly wouldn't view any pregnant woman out with friends having a good time as trying to hold on to her youth... who says you have to become a fuddy-duddy just because you're pregnant or becoming a mom.
I've been to one a couple times since I've been pregnant, one of which was this past Saturday on my husband's birthday. I definitely wasn't going to miss his birthday and it's a smokeless bar, which is really helpful, but I did feel pretty self-conscious. After a little while though, I decided to have fun with it and flirt with anyone who did stare with a big wink and smile, maybe a little sexy belly rubbing.
Do what you want, don't care about what other people think. It sounds like you're the one who's being a little judgmental here, rather than others. Simply hanging out at a bar does not indicate that you're "trying to hold onto your youth." That statement implies that anyone who wants to be considered an adult shouldn't go to a bar.
I would never presume to tell anyone, pregnant or not, what they should be doing with their time. It's none of my business, nor is my time any of theirs.
Last time i went to a bar was when i was 5 months pregnant, it was out of the blue and I didn't want to be debbie downer and say no to everyone. I obviously didn't drink (but i did have a sprite with a lime wedge) and felt a little out of place, it was fun to hear some music (while sitting at our table) and talk with friends but i wouldn't do that at 7 months pregnant because I'm REALLY showing now and it would feel awkward.
I wouldn't be upset with your friend, she misses you and wants to hang out but you should also make dates with your girlfriends and go to a restaurant where they may have a cool bar for your friends and a nice comfy table/chair for you to sit at. You can eat and they can drink
.
Well, that's funny, because I haven't gone to a bar for any of those reasons in ages. I typically go out to bars to socialize with friends. Which I'm perfectly capable of doing now, as before.
What you asked is if its OK to judge pregnant women for being out places that make them happy. To which the answer is, No. That's not ok. It might not be what you want to do right now, but its rather unfair to generalize any pregnant woman out at a bar as desperately trying to hang onto her youth.
I agree with all of this. It's the point I was trying to make and Miss Bee makes it much more eloquently.
The only time I felt uncomfortable was when DH and I went to our alma mater during a football weekend when I was in my 3rd tri with my last pregnancy, and we went out to a few bars that night. The pregnant woman in a college bar definitely got looks, and the crowd and drunk idiots definitely got on my nerves, lol. And to think, I used to be one of them :-P
Thanks ladies, and originally I intended the question to be more directed at my friends actions because lately she has just been acting super weird, or maybe I am just looking too far into it... I try to do more active things like going on hikes or bike rides rather than going out, or just try to hang out with her in general but she is always going out to clubs. So to me, I feel like she is inviting me along to clubs and so that her excuse is that she is still trying to be "involved" with me, while not meeting me halfway (more to the story).
Also to clarify, I probably should've more accurately said "clubs", and not included "bars", there is a major difference between going to a dance club and going to sports bar or something like that.
When i was five months and showing pretty predominantly the DH walked away from our table to get a drink leaving me there by myself for a moment. When he was out of sight a man pulled up a chair next to me and started flirting with me pretty hard, lol. I found it hilarious, and jokingly flirted back, knowing DH would be back any second. When he did he stood behind the guy for a moment and then kicked the guys chair.
The guy jumped up looking pretty scared and asked DH what his problem was and DH replied " You're hitting on my PREGNANT wife!!" lol
Of course he wasn't really mad, and after the guy stared at my belly for a moment apologized they shook hands and enjoyed their beers together recounting the story to others.
It was one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me at a bar and it was all thanks to being pregnant and proud lol
Yeah, I live in a college town...so when you said bars/clubs, I was thinking of the loud, smokey, bumpin' and grindin' clubs we have here. We've been out with our friends the entire pregnancy to watch the football/basketball/baseball games at our local sports bar...but it's more of an upbeat restaurant kind of feel place.
(I forget how all of us on here are from COMPLETELY different places, so our interpretations are all going to be different as far as the word "club" or "bar" goes.
Like I said before, I think your friend is trying to include you in her life as much as possible, and probably didn't realize that it would upset you.
I didn't mean to imply that I thought it was okay to judge anyone, I simply said that that's what MY outlook would be if I wasn't pregnant waiting outside a dance club and I saw the girl infront of me in her last trimester of pregnancy with her single friend. I don't think I'm THAT far off (think of that scene from Knocked Up, if you've ever seen it). I apologize if I offended any of you.
From my experience, people that go to clubs and bars GENERALLY go for the reasons I listed. What do 90% of people that go to bars go to do? Drink.
What I've learned from this thread is that my view is obviously off compared to a lot of you, which is good! It gives me confidence if I were to go with my friend that it wouldn't be a super awkward encounter.
Thanks guys!
Sorry but I agree with missusbee. A bar is not just for single people or a place to get wasted. We go and play trivia at a local place a lot here. I wouldn't give that up because I am pregnant. And trust me I am not hanging onto my "youth". I am gonna be 36 on Friday, that ship has sailed.
Me: 36 DH: 40
DH dx azoospermia My dx: RA & AMA
d-IUI's--6/10, 7/13 & 8/4: all BFN
d-IVF#1--Lupron/Menopur/Bravelle/Novarel; mini-dose protocol
ER: 10/25--18R; 14F; ET: 10/28--3dt of 2 embies; 3 blasts frozen
+ HPT 11/4; Beta #1--14dp3dt: 441; Beta #2--21dp3dt: 9298
One beautiful jelly bean growing! Saw h/b on 11/28 and 12/5!!!
P/SAIF welcome
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Hmmm. I don't associate bars with being inappropriate. Maybe you visit a diffferent type of bar that would be considered inappropriate.
I've gone to several bars with my giant belly. I don't drink (now that I am pregnant) but I've gone out with my husband and friends. I've also been to a brew hall and a winery. GASP! Would I go clubbing at the local lame-spot where all the 21 year olds hang? No. But that's just because it's not my style. I am an adult. I don't view drinking as anything more than a social thing and a chance to try new delicious brews and wines. Others may allow bars or alcohol to cause them to be immature and get wasted but I don't.
I don't think your friend is being rude at all. I think you are being rude to insinuate that just because someone is pregnant they should not be allowed to go out to a normal venue for adults. I didn't realize that my BFP meant I am doomed for a life of Chuck E Cheese and knitting in the privacy of my house.
And the only way I could see your point is if the mother to be was out clubbing every night. Even then, who am I to judge? She might need to just get it out of her system before her baby comes.
Sorry, your post rubbed me the wrong way.
Life is not a movie. YWIA
ETA: unless you're referring to the part when random men admit they would totally tap dat @ss. Tear dat @ass up. In which case, yes, my life is *just* like that
I didn't say that's what bars/clubs were "just" for those reasons, I said generally that's why people go there. And like I said in my earlier posts I should've clarified better. There's obviously a difference between going to Dave & Buster's and a dance club.
I even get a glass of wine or sip my husband's beer when we go to the bar. You should feel sorry for my fetuses.
I'm planning/attending my best friend's bachelorette party at 33 weeks. It's her party and she wants to go out bar hopping and you better believe I'll be there with her! I honestly don't care if people give me strange looks. All of the bars in Ohio are smoke free and I'll be chugging water like a boss so I don't sweat my bump off.
I'm actually less worried about the bar part and more concerned about staying awake until 2am. This momma is usually in bed by 10!
OP, it seems like your friend is just trying to keep you included in the social scene. We're pregnant, not dead.
"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
my baby you'll be."
I think it depends on the type of bar. I wouldn't have a problem going to a pub-style place where I can order an iced tea and have a comfortable place to sit while people watch a hockey game or something.
Would I go to a club right where you are on your feet dancing all night? No. But I lost interest in that a few years ago anyway. It was more fun when I was a single university student.
But if you are pregnant and that interests you and you have the energy to do it - there is nothing wrong with going out to bars as long as you aren't making any unhealthy choices while you're there.
Bottom line - if you don't want to go, don't go. Suggest other activities to your friend like going out for brunch, to a movie, or shopping.
In my hamlet, the 5th largest city in America, bars are not just places for people to get wasted, make out, and dance.
They are neighborhood cornerstones. Places where you meet neighbors, talk about local politics, new/old construction projects, town history, and gossip about other neighbors. Without local bars, I would know significantly less about my neighborhood and have less civic pride.
Many also contain delicious foods that you can eat without a beverage.
I enjoy bars very much.
Can we just make out already? Kthanx.
I'm guessing OP would not approve of my lyfestyle. Like, at all. 4" Loubs at 4am are not uncommon up in herrre. I'm pregnant. Not dead.
I'm mobile, but I want to go to there. I will legit change my siggy if someone makes this.
Same here. I'd be all over that shnit.
The only bars I wouldn't hang out in while pregnant are the same ones I wouldn't hang out in while not pregnant because they are gross. As long as a place is smoke-free, which they are in Illinois. I don't see a problem. Sometimes grabbing a quick drink in a bar is all my friends with kids can get away for.
TTC since October 2009
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IVF #1, ER 10/29/2011
ET 11/3/2011
One embryo transferred, four frozen
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I'm not much into the bar scene at all anymore. I tired of that whole scene after college. Even if I had the desire to go, the bars around here are either A) entirely too crowded and would piss this pregnant lady off,
waaaaay too smokey or C) way too clubby. Our bars are not smoke free, so I, for one, don't like seeing pregnant women in these places. I don't see them as trying to hold on to their youth, but tend to think they can find better alternatives.
I don't know that I'd say your friend is being insensitive, especially if she's accustomed to you coming out with her, but maybe just needs to understand that that scene isn't quite comfortable for you right now.
I'd be fine with going to bars if they weren't so freaking smoky outside. Whenever we're downtown I hold my breath past the bars because everyone and their mother is smoking outside (I did this before I was pregnant too). I hate the smell of cigarette smoke and I have never been to a bar that didn't reek of it, even though you're not allowed to smoke in bars in my state.
That said, DH and I did tear up the dance floor at my friend's wedding a few weeks back, and got lots of comments about "Is that safe for the baby?" and "I'm surprised he didn't fall out!" That was annoying. I'm with Team Pregnant not dead!
I ree with the previous posts about it depending on what type of bar you are going to. Bar/restaurants are the primary settings for catching up with my friends. I have been going to bars throughout my pregnancy and will probably continue to go with a newborn strapped on to me. That being said, I met friends at a bar last weekend that was way too crowded, the patrons were way too drunk, and I had to stand while people bumped into me. I was uncomfortable and we left immediately (and went to a bar with tables).
CaliVal, your friend doesn't know what you are going through right now, so you just need to let her know when you are uncomfortable with something. iIm sure her invitation comes from a good place of wanting to see you and make you feel included, like she's not treating you differently because your pregnant. If you're uncomfortable with a bar, then suggest some place else and let her know the bar scene isn't your scene right now.
Love it!!!
When I was five months pregnant, I went to a bar with my FI for New Year's. We had a blast hanging out with friends, and when I was ready to go we left. I sipped ginger ale. No biggie.
I'm in my late twenties, and I'm not particularly interested in "holding on to my youth". I'm going to be a mom and a wife pretty soon, and that will be my main priority, but I'll still hang out with my friends if it's feasible. Before I moved, my friends and I liked to go to a smokeless pub and knit- a good pal of mine sent me a pic of all of them knitting hats for my baby, and in the case of my pregnant friend in knitting club, a VERY tall apple juice at her elbow!
.
Just because we're moms doesn't mean that we can't do some of the same stuff we enjoyed before we got KU. Team Pregnant not Dead!!!
I actually work in a bar. I am an event manager for a huge bar in Florida and often have to work nights for my events. I am often in the bar with loud music and lots of alcohol and its for work so I can't really help it. I do feel awkward sometimes just having all the people around me and worrying about someone knocking into my belly. I know people stare but it doesnt bother me because I am there making sure they are having a good time with the event that I set up.
I think a pregnant woman should be able to do whatever they want as long as they are having fun and not harming the baby