Not sure where else to ask this ?

tarynkaye86

Hi, I am a lurker and have decided to ask a quick question.

Background: I am 13 weeks pregnant and going at this pretty much alone. The father and I tried to make things work in the very beginning (I found out at 4w3d I was PG) but I quiclkly realized it was not a good situation to continue and genuinely question his intentions and abilities as a parent. Since we have separated, I had decided to put the idea of dating out of my mind and just focus on getting myself to a good and stable place so I can raise the baby as best as I can. Within the last few weeks and old friend has walked back in to my life. ( we have known each other for 13 years) Its becoming aparent that he may be interested in persuing a relationship despite my obvious situation and drama. I'm not in ANY way considering jumping in to a relationship, but as a soon-to-be-single mom I have a hard time with the potential idea of being pregnant and in a relationship with someone other than the father.

My question is have any of you been in this situation? Was it hard being in this situation? Should I consider with my own way of thought that going at it alone may be the best idea for me?

Any suggestions, stories, or straight-forward advice is GREATLY appreaciated. TIA!!!

offbeatmama

I think it all depends on the situation and how you're feeling.

Were you in a long term relationship with the father? If so, I suggest taking some time to heal and accept the reality of the situation. If it was more of a casual thing or a fling then I'm not sure that healing is really necessary. The most important thing is to listen to yourself... do YOU feel ready to get into a relationship?

I stayed with my X through my pregnancy even though I knew right after I got my BFP that it wasn't going to work. I wish I had cut things off earlier. Instead I spent my pregnancy with a man who I didn't get along with, we mutually upset each other, and didn't support one another. He's a fine man and an amazing father. That doesn't change the fact that our relationship was not meant to be and we should have ended things earlier. There's no doubt in my mind it would have been easier without X.

Even now (my DS is 2) sometimes I find it hard to think about being with someone who isn't his father. It just seems weird to me even though I know that being with his dad is a bad idea. It has gotten much easier though. I know that personally I was not have been ready to date right after getting my BFP but if you are then more power to you! It's about what's best for you and your baby. 

If it's right - give it a shot. If you're not ready then wait a while and reassess. I wouldn't make this decision based on wanting to be in a relationship simply because you're pregnant though. There are many women who do it alone and do it fabulously - including several women on this board.

offbeatmama

Also, congratulations! Motherhood is honestly one of the best things to have ever happened to me. It didn't happen the way I imagined it (I'm guessing you might feel the same). Every gift deserves happiness and excitement!

tarynkaye86

I agree with what you are saying.

My relationship with the baby's father was casual when I got pregnant and started getting serious really quick but in my mind it was simply because I felt the baby deserved for me to try and make it work. I can't explain how happy I am that I didn't stay. 

I don't at all feel that I NEED to be in a relationship. I just had put the idea so far out of my mind that now that this person is in my life I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I almost feel like it's happening for a reason, yet the timing is ALL OFF!

I'm more than confident that I can be a GREAT mom eventhough, like you said in your situation, things aren't really going as planned. Just thought I'd see if anyone had been in this situation and how they felt and dealt with it and what made them feel good or bad about it!

Thanks for your advice!

achase123

I think every situation is different.  I have known situations similar to yours (not myself personally, but other people) who have had someone come into their life when they were pg and eventually things worked out with them.  It's not the traditional scenario but I think that nothing ever turns out quite the way we'd expect.

Make sure you proceed with caution and take things slowly...I feel better about things for the simple fact that you've known this person a long time.  If it was some guy you just met coming in to sweep a poor single pregnant woman off her feet, I'd throw up the caution flag because that would be a really bad sign, IMO.  Just follow your instincts and see what happens.  You'll figure it out.

tarynkaye86

I feel better about things for the simple fact that you've known this person a long time.  If it was some guy you just met coming in to sweep a poor single pregnant woman off her feet, I'd throw up the caution flag"

 

^ this exactly! My mom knows a little about the situation and she said the same thing-- that if I was any other random I picked off the street she would tell me to run for the hills, but given who he is and how long I have known him it changes things. She said to not necessarily make a decision right now, but at least not to do something to screw it up in the future if it is what I want. I think I'm feeling that way!

 Thank you ladies for hearing me out and understand and giving back REAL advice.

On a lighter note I just got back from my OB and the Anatomy Ultrasound is scheduled for June 1st and I'm SUPER EXCTED!!!!!

SaphrineDragon

I'm in a similar situation. My BD was a short relationship with no real commitment. LO came as a huge surprise. I've been single since and have figured I would remain so for some time, however that being said I do have a friend who has come into my life and understands my situation and back ground. We aren't rushing anything or really pursuing anything besides friends but we both know that the option is there down the road. For me I am cautious because I know that I am not just thinking about me, I have LO to think about. My own advice for myself was to focus my energy on LO and enjoy the friendship that I have and as things continue if things change.. they change but not to rush anything or jump into things blind. 

Good luck! I schedule my AS on Monday Its exciting.