? experience with adoption, with having a biological child

Maple_9

We just did our last FET with negative results.  I was wondering if anyone could tell me about their experience with adoption and already having a biological child. Did you have a long wait?  Do or did you feel that already having a child slowed the process down?  Do you feel you were passed on because you already had a biological child? Any information would be helpful. TIA

Dr.Loretta

No experience, but I wanted to welcome you. You will find some people here who do have bio and adopted children, so they'll be able to give their experiences. Timing will probably run the gamut, as it does for most adoptions anyway. Different birthparents are looking for different things, and sometimes that includes siblings.

Welcome (again) and GL!

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IRR

Sorry the FET didn't work.  Been there.  No personal experience with adoption when one has a biological child, but in our classes we met people adopting who already had their own kids and for what I understand, BM have different criteria for picking AP.  Some would love for their child to have an older sibling and may pass over AP who don't have any children.  GL with the process and welcome to the boards.

hlsgrad

Our agency warned us that having a bio child could slow the process for us. But in the end our BM picked us because she wanted DD to have a big sister, so you really never know. It took us about 9 months start to finish with the adoption - considering it took us 3 years to get pg with DD1, it was lightning fast! Good luck!

julandjo

We have 2 bio kids, and have been waiting for 6 months now.  Our agency said we may or may not have a longer wait time... it all depends on what the birthparents are looking for.  Even if they say they want a family with no other children, if the rest of our criteria matches (religion, openness, interests, etc.) our profile will still get shown.  A birthparent may decide they're okay with siblings after all if DH and I feel like the right fit.  You just never know!

MayDayGirl

I do think our wait was longer because we had a bio child, but mostly I think because we were a white family in an AA program. Our SW's didn't think we would have waited half the time if we were in the traditional program.

To be honest, you will never know how long you can wait, the perfect bm can see you and love you 2 days in and you can wait 2 years in with no bio kids, perfect jobs/looks/house etc.  

Good luck!

njdcgirl

No advice, since I'm just starting the adoption process, but just wanted to say we are in the same boat. Bio DS, and trying to adopt. Like others have said, there is no predicting the wait, but I know in my program, about 25% of waiting PAP have kids already. I'm hoping it doesn't impact our wait time (we are just starting the home study)

Maple_9

Thanks for all the responses!  We are also worried because we are military.  We were hoping that is not another mark against us.  

Next step is starting to look at agencies.  Any input you guys have would be great. Thanks for making me feel so welcome!  

buggerfly12

We are also military and have a bio 2.5-year-old. Our route to having another baby has been sidetracked a few times, and right now we have a teenage FD and are looking at fostering more kids. So I don't really have any advice, except that when we did our homestudy for DIA it seemed to be a plus to them that my husband's MOS is a "safe" job. I don't know if that's your situation or if he's infantry or something, but that's all I've heard. Just wanted to welcome you over to the board!

Maple_9

Thanks everyone!  Feeling a little better about this.  Now time to do research!  

TheNextWest

We are military and our bio DD was 2 when we started the process. The twins were placed with us after half-way thru the homestudy process, we had to complete everything in a matter of days so we could bring them home. There is just NO WAY of knowing!