Intro: adopting and pregnant (kinda long)

pbandkelly

Hey all!  I've been active on the November 2012 board, but that's only half my story, so I'm hoping to make some connections here.

To start at the very beginning, I myself was adopted as a toddler by two wonderful women.  Well, technically, adopted as a toddler by one of the wonderful women, and by the other as a teenager.  (Thanks for finally getting with the picture, NY.)  Now I am in my late twenties, with my own wonderful (male, I know some will ask) partner of 10 years.  About five years ago, I began fostering when I was in grad school and we were living separately due to his service in the Air Force.  About a year ago, my partner was honorably discharged due to injury sustained overseas, and living in the same city full time for the first time in forever.  We started the adoption process shortly thereafter.

Being adopted, I always knew that I would choose to adopt.  Back in the 80s, at three-years-old I was considered unadoptable.  People wanted infants.  If not for my wonderful mothers, I may have spent my life in foster care, as would my older (non-bio) brother.  Today, he is a high-ranking AF officer, I am a VP in a large company, and baby bro will be starting med school at UCLA in the fall.  To me, I always wanted a family that looked like mine, felt like mine, and had the same opportunities as we did.  By no means "rescuing" kids, just a different way to make a family.

Well, no sooner did we get knee deep into the process did I realize, uh oh, I'm late.  An amazing surprise blessing that I never knew I wanted or could have (I lost an ovary and tube to sepsis caused by PCOD at 19, the other was considered "nonproducing." Wanting to adopt, my alleged infertility was never all that sad.).  Now, we have a LO on the way in November, and recently were matched with a sibling group of two that recently became available for adoption.  If all goes according to plan, our DD (3) and DS (1) will be home with us come this summer.

Sometimes, it's so overwhelming to think we're going from childless to three under 4 in less than a year, but I feel so incredibly blessed all the time.

Does anyone else have a mix of bio and adopted angels?

hlsgrad

What a wonderful story! Congratulations on all of your blessings. We have a bio DD who will be 4 in June and we recently adopted DD2- an 11 month old little girl. They are so close it's hard to believe they haven't been together forever. You will certainly have your hands full, but it is going to be an amazing journey - what a difference a year makes, right?

MayDayGirl

Welcome!! We have a bio son, an adopted daughter, 2 previous foster kids and their mother living with us, a foster baby and  partridge in a pear tree:)

 

So we sound like you! 

lady_chance_99

I don't have the mix but I wanted to say how amazing I think your story is. We are doing fertility treatments and are almost finished with our fostering licensing process- so hopefully we will be in your situation soon. GL

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Dr.Loretta

I don't have direct experience, I just wanted to say welcome and congrats!

ctbride08

welcome! how exciting! (and, yes, overwhelming!)

We dont have a mix of bio and adopted kids (though not for lack of trying, damn IF), but we did go from 0 to 3 small children in less than a year - and I can tell you that it was the most wonderful gift ever.  It was hectic and overwhelming and crazy and hard, but also incredibly amazing and I wouldn't change a thing about our journey.

 just buckle up, have faith, and get ready for the craziest ride of your life!

silliestbunny

Welcome!!  What a lovely story. 

 PS-  Bruin-land welcomes your brother!!!  UCLA and Westwood are wonderful!! (We live a few miles away.)  Not that your brother will have time, but UCLA should finally have a good basketball team again.  Oh, and he has to go get cookies at Diddy Reese and doughnuts at Stan's... try Westwood staples

miss1180

welcome!! what a great story you have!! :-)

i'm really interested in how you felt/feel about being adopted a little bit "older", as a toddler. My husband and i are adopting a little boy from Korea. The process is changing- and instead of being around a year old when he comes home, he'll be closer to 2 years old. He's in a foster home with a family in Korea right now, but i'm really worrying about how he'll transition.... worried about taking him away from everything he's known for the first 2 years of his life.

   Any thoughts, as somebody who has been through it? you can email me at lil_mis1 at yahoo.com if you don't want to post here :-)

  and welcome again!!

pbandkelly

miss1180:

welcome!! what a great story you have!! :-)

i'm really interested in how you felt/feel about being adopted a little bit "older", as a toddler. My husband and i are adopting a little boy from Korea. The process is changing- and instead of being around a year old when he comes home, he'll be closer to 2 years old. He's in a foster home with a family in Korea right now, but i'm really worrying about how he'll transition.... worried about taking him away from everything he's known for the first 2 years of his life.

   Any thoughts, as somebody who has been through it? you can email me at lil_mis1 at yahoo.com if you don't want to post here :-)

  and welcome again!!

I think it's good to post it here because there's still so much worry with older child adoption.  I can't speak to the leaving your home country, but it was a transition to be taken out of foster care at a young age.

I don't remember life before my moms now, because I was all of nearly three when I got my forever family.  According to them, I had terrible separation anxiety.  They would take me to the babysitter, and I would cry about not wanting a different family, promising to be good, etc etc.  I believed that any time they left me it was for good.  I was over that by kindergarten, however.

I think the biggest thing is having patience and confindence that you are doing things right.  I was a beast, but it was what I knew.  I had more homes by the time I was three than anyone should have in their life.  Toddlers have more congnition obviously than babies, but they don't think like grownups do.  There's a lot of fear, but my moms were patient and just waited for me to trust them.  It happened, I promise!!

miss1180

pbandkelly:

miss1180:

welcome!! what a great story you have!! :-)

i'm really interested in how you felt/feel about being adopted a little bit "older", as a toddler. My husband and i are adopting a little boy from Korea. The process is changing- and instead of being around a year old when he comes home, he'll be closer to 2 years old. He's in a foster home with a family in Korea right now, but i'm really worrying about how he'll transition.... worried about taking him away from everything he's known for the first 2 years of his life.

   Any thoughts, as somebody who has been through it? you can email me at lil_mis1 at yahoo.com if you don't want to post here :-)

  and welcome again!!

I think it's good to post it here because there's still so much worry with older child adoption.  I can't speak to the leaving your home country, but it was a transition to be taken out of foster care at a young age.

I don't remember life before my moms now, because I was all of nearly three when I got my forever family.  According to them, I had terrible separation anxiety.  They would take me to the babysitter, and I would cry about not wanting a different family, promising to be good, etc etc.  I believed that any time they left me it was for good.  I was over that by kindergarten, however.

I think the biggest thing is having patience and confindence that you are doing things right.  I was a beast, but it was what I knew.  I had more homes by the time I was three than anyone should have in their life.  Toddlers have more congnition obviously than babies, but they don't think like grownups do.  There's a lot of fear, but my moms were patient and just waited for me to trust them.  It happened, I promise!!

Thanks!! i've been reading books about toddler adoption, and they all say pretty much what you said :-) That it can be a tough transition for the baby, but it eventually does get easier :-)  and i think a lot depends on personality, too... some kids are more "go with the flow" than others. so we won't know until we get him home and see.

  luckily, we're using a really big national agency and they have so many great supports for us. Our social worker will be checking in with us for the frist 6 months. the agency has "webinars" online that we can listen to for ideas and stuff. And when our son gets older, they have an adoptee camp that he can go to and be with other adoptees and see "ok, i'm not the only one!" haha

 we'll just try our best and hope for the best i guess! haha thanks again, and welcome again!!

 

Makaia2011

I was adopted (@ 6 months) and adopted both of my children. DD is 2.5, DS is 1.5 ( bio mom got pregnant when my daughter was 6 months old) and they are the loves of my life & my hearts joy!!

So imagine my surprise to turn up pregnant completely unexpectedly after failed IUI's, Stage 2 endo, etc.... I will have 3 kids 3 & under next spring in 2014... There are rough moments with such young babies but the pure joy outweighs the struggles. Routines, flexibility & lots of coffee all help !:) congrats!!!

mtendere

I have a biological daughter who is about to turn 4. We are in the process to become licensed foster parents. We plan to be foster-only, but remain open to adopting should the right situation come along. Should be an interesting journey.

Going from no kids to three will be a tough transition. Don't be afraid to get the help you need. But once the kids are a little older I'd be willing to bet you'll have trouble imagining it any other way.

Congratulations and good luck!

Geauxmama11

I haven't posted here in awhile, but can somewhat relate to your post. My dh and became foster parents to 3 kids; age 2, 6 and 16 within six months. It has been quite the adventure and a crash coarse in parenting!

heaven22tw

First off I am also adopted!!!!! We adopted our DD who was born last Oct at 28 weeks after a four yr/ five miscarriage struggle. Three months later Im pregnant with twins. I now have all three of my daughters home with me and Im amazed that we went from a family of none to three in less than a year. Its crazy but wonderful )))