One decision made.

JMay · May 2012

I've been doing a ton of research on adoption for the last 4 months or so. DH has always said no, but brought it up in January, much to my surprise. I had always thought "of course I'd adopt", but when DH mentioned it, the true magnitude of it hit me square in the face. I was surprised by my reaction, to say the least.

Since then I've frequented the adoption boards and done a ton of research on the topic and even more soul searching. I knew what I felt in my heart wasn't maybe the most "popular" feeling, so I've mostly kept it to myself. Then last night I read something that put it all into place for me, and my first decision was made: I know that domestic adoption is not right for me.

I have no real reason for posting this other than to put it in writing and get it out there - to make the decision real as I come to the end of treatment and search for other options. Acceptance of my reality is my biggest challenge, and being able to express myself here brings so much peace to me.

There are still situations through which I might be able to adopt, though I know none are an option at this point (logistics, finance). I am also still considering becoming a foster parent, for which I might be a much better fit. Still lots more research and pondering to do...

Thanks for listening Ladies!

WorkinWeezel · May 2012

No judgment here. I don't know if I could adopt. I know someone who has gone through the process, and it has definitely been a process; kids taken away last minute, kids with a lot of baggage that stole from them, beat them and tore their house apart. It has been heartbreaking for them.

I would adopt if, for example, it was someone I knew. I think I would try surrogacy first.

Hnysckl426 · May 2012

I am at the same point, adoption isn't for us. Although for a brief time I thought it might be.

I know two people that adopted and have had a lot of health/behavioral issues with their children. And by no means do I say this because all adopted children have this but since we already have DD I just don't think I can do it knowing what they have gone through.

I used to love the idea of adopting a child that otherwise wouldn't have a great life but I am just not sure we can do it.

There is also the expense involved which is a factor.

AprilDrew04 · May 2012

Not trying to persuade anyone one way or another, just wanted to say there are ways to help with costs. If you do your home study through a state agency then you shouldn't have to pay for it, but will need to attend an informational meeting about foster parenting.

Children that are high risk can have adoption fees paid for by the government. This includes kids with physical, mental, and emotional issues, but also includes sibling groups. Any child that may be hard to place. I totally understand that this is not an option for some.

Like I said before, if we don't conceive I would like to adopt an infant or baby, most likely will try an international adoption, these vary in costs and requirements so lots of research would need to be done. If we do conceive at least one more I am still interested in adoption, but would probably adopt a sibling pair from the foster care system.

DH and I have discussed foster care parenting, and are not sure we would be able to emotionally take it. It would be so hard to give a child back after caring for him or her. I have the greatest respect for those that can. This also does not mean that we may not try being foster parents later in life.

Sorry this was so long, I just wanted to share my thoughts and research on this subject.