Really? That's what you heard?

Saran

So DH is out of town spending time with his mom who is at the end of her life. At SS's soccer game I was able to have a long talk with BM about how this summer is going to look. We have 50/50 and split the week in half and rotate the Sundays. DH & BM work and I'm a SAHM. Every year, I tell DH to get BM in gear about what her plans are for childcare for her 2 days (mon,tues) during the summer as she works and needs to save up her money. Every year, she waits til the last minute then says, " I dont know what to do. Cant find childcare and too expensive." I end up keeping the kids with me everyday and she gets the weekends. Fine.

This summer, my 4th baby is due beginning of July and I'm having a c-section. I told her that I have a young lady that is going to help me with my 3 girls this summer because physically I cant do it alone being 9 months pg and recover from c-section. With that said, I told her I really needed her help this summer if she could be in charge of arrangments for her 2 days and when the kids come back on wed., I'll put my twins in camp so I never have all 5 soon to be 6 kids at home at once, ALL day.

I told her that DH has his big company audit every summer and works long hours so he wont be much help either besides the few days he'll take off when I have the baby. She say's no problem and I understand. i'll "figure out" something.  Fast forward a few days, I walk in the door and DH says to me, "BM called and said you don't want the kids to be here all week. I guess I better find a camp for them." WHAT! That was your conclusion of our very long conversation? I wanted to biiiitch slap her. It was about my physical limitations and it being more than I could handle this summer. Not that I dont want the kids here. And how did DH pick up YOUR job of providing care on YOUR days? And who is going to shuffle them to camp?

I'm sorry, did I miss something here? Please tell me if I'm being selfish by saying I cant handle all 5 kids plus a newborn at home all week, all day? 2 days is all I'm asking her to do (her two days at that)!

NativeNyer

It doesn't sound like your DH has handled this much in the past.  Is this safe to assume? Also, you let her slide for years.  You should have put your foot down wayyy before baby #4.

Have your DH handle it and make sure she foots the bill.  Or if you're the comfrontational type, put her on the spot for trying to use  your DH as a pawn. 

CFjo2010

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.  I think BM is being unreasonable, pretty rude and irresponsible in expecting that you will be handling "childcare" during her time.  What if you were working?  Who would she have watch SS if you were working full-time and unable to do it for her?

Seems to me, and please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, that BM doesn't want to pay for childcare and/or look for it.  You gave her more than 60 days notice that you won't be able to handle caring for all the kids plus a newborn after having a c-section.  Pretty sure that is more than enough time to figure out some alternative.  Heck, you were able to figure out assistance in having all 5 kiddos plus the newborn, she can't handle finding help for her children 2 days a week?  That seems unreasonable.

NativeNyer

Heck, you were able to figure out assistance in having all 5 kiddos plus the newborn, she can't handle finding help for her children 2 days a week?  That seems unreasonable.

This.  I'm so pissed for you that BM would think it's OKAY for a pregnant woman to have 5 kids????? WTF?????? 

 

rachi1285

No, you're not being selfish at all! I'm not even pregnant yet but I'm already worried about how I'm going to be able to handle a newborn when SS and SD are with us! And that's only 3 kids! You will definately need and deserve a "break" (if you can call it that) and I'm sure 5 young kids would get pretty bored if you won't be very mobile for a while. You gave BM plenty of notice! Hopefully DH believes your side of the story and doesn't do BM's job for her!

Karma1969

It sounds like your DH needs to step up and put this back onto the BM.

Saran

God bless DH. He has a good heart and is of the mindset that those are his kids and it's his job to care for them, regardless of what BM does, but sometimes he's clueless on what it takes to care for 5 kids. Last year was a nightmare because my sk's are 10 so they hang out at neighbors house with friends and I have to keep checking on them to make sure they aren't getting into trouble or bring their friends to our house to swim, then the little ones, who cant swim, want to swim or go to the playground. I end up with the stress of monitoring alot of kids in our pool or them all wanting to go in 5 different directions.

I guess if she didn't make me feel like her free babysitter, I wouldn't be so mad but when she told me WITH AN ATTITUDE last year a week before school let out, "I guess I'll have to just pull money out of my 401K", that was it. She's getting married May 12th so I'm thinking her money has gone to her wedding up in MI.

NativeNyer

"I guess I'll have to just pull money out of my 401K", that was it. She's getting married May 12th so I'm thinking her money has gone to her wedding up in MI.

I would have answered - I guess you will. 

 

kali55

I just wanted to chime in and say that you are ABSOLUTELY not being selfish!  Tell BM no child care on her days and don't give in, no matter how uncomfortable she makes it.

karleegirl

Hell to the no you're not being selfish. Yh needs to call homegirl and tell her it's her responsibility and to figure it out.

socloudy99

BM#1 does this all the time. It is to make you guys feel bad so she can gets what she wants (free child care without any effort). Your request makes perfect sense.

Imagine if DH told her she had to provide child care for Wed-Fri during his work. She would tell him he is crazy.

Take care of yourself. Know you are doing what is best for the kids. Let her be mad if it makes her feel better. I had to harden my heart a lot with BM because she just says hurtful things to get what she wants. It isn't really a reflection of how DH and I care for his children.

CFjo2010

socloudy99:

BM#1 does this all the time. It is to make you guys feel bad so she can gets what she wants (free child care without any effort). Your request makes perfect sense.

Imagine if DH told her she had to provide child care for Wed-Fri during his work. She would tell him he is crazy.

Take care of yourself. Know you are doing what is best for the kids. Let her be mad if it makes her feel better. I had to harden my heart a lot with BM because she just says hurtful things to get what she wants. It isn't really a reflection of how DH and I care for his children.

^^ This.  There are just some people in this world (men and women) who resort to personal attacks as opposed to accepting responsibility for their own actions.  It's easier to blame everyone else for the problems and misfortune in one's life than to suck it up and admit fault.  Take care of you, and let BM step up and accept some responsibility for her children.