frustrations and anger on high levels

whiteroses05

Thought I was doing ok until later this afternoon. I texted my sister to see how she was doing and she told me she was in labor and delivery. I really excited for her and then I it hit me. A rush of sadness then a rush of anger towards myself for feeling that way. I know it will happen but still made me mad that I did. Then it also brought back how frustrated I am with my dh. He will not talk to me anymore about what happened and about trying after my next cycle. I asked him if he was excited to try again and he said not at all. We had made an agreement to wait until July (not that far away) but I just really wish we could start after my next cyle. I feel stuck in one place with anger and starting to resitant him for it. I cant talk to him in fear it would push things farther away bc he is angry with me. I know he is probably hurting but he will not talk to me. Help please someone talk to me about this before I have yet another melt down.

dandywarhol

Try to be gentle with yourself.  It is natural for you to be sad considering your loss.  It is also natural for you to be angry. I just tried to envision myself on a roller coaster and know that different feelings can be around any corner. 

Men and women grieve differently.  Men tend to keep things bottled up and it can be difficult to accept that when you are hurting and feeling the need to talk things through. Your husband may not be excited about trying again because he's worried about another potential loss. I know DH was worried about opening ourselves up to that kind of pain again.  

{{hugs}}  

tubbsy32

Oh, I am so sorry. I can def relate to feelings being more intense, and conflicting feelings. I think that it's totally understandable that you feel sadness and anger about your sister having her baby. And I can relate to you wanting to conceive sooner than later.

Is your DH really angry with you or are you just feeling that way? I have read several times from different sources that men and women grief very differently. Reading, journaling, and speaking to a grief counselor has helped me a lot lately. My dh and I def went through a rough patch!! Fighting about just about everything, I felt like he could do nothing right. We got through it and I know you guys can too. Our emotions are just so intense right now. But I would def suggest talking to him about how you are feeling, and tell him you don't want him to fix anything, you just want him to listen. Good luck. ((Hugs))

whiteroses05

Angry is not the best word to use to describe my dh feelings. I should of used frustrated. I have tried talking to him and it always ends up with him avoiding talking about it or him saying we been over this then changing the subject. I dont know how to not be frustrated or angry with him. Its causing so much resistment that I dont need or want. I really do love him just wish we could see eye to eye. Or that he could just talk to me with out the being frustration there.Thank u for taking the time to respond. Its been a rough day. It start last night with the conversation or non-conversation with my dh, followed by my sister, and then finishing off the day with a lady giving me a hard time about a medical bill. I really wanted to tell that lady how I keep getting bills for the day i found out our lo wasnt going to make it past being born. So it really feels good to know I have u ladies or I would feel very alone right now.

weddedwife

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. Give your DH some time, your loss is still very new. I know how hard it is to be patient, I too wanted to get pg again right away. But PgAL is hard- it will be better if you are both on the same page when it does happen.

dandywarhol

Sometimes it is helpful to set parameters about communication.  You could try saying to your H that you realize that you are grieving differently and that is ok.  But that you are starting to feel some resentment over the situation and would like to discuss it with him.  Perhaps set some ground rules like only discussing the situation for 5 minutes and then adhering to that agreement.  Communication is the key to any healthy relationship.  I know there were times that I was frustrated with DH but tried to be respectful of his feelings. It wasn't always easy.  Sometimes just laying out the facts, and trying to keep the emotions (difficult in this situation, I know) out of the conversation can be helpful.